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by annabethj on March 19th, 2007

annabethj

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My 13 year old is having a rough time at school with the other kids, they are teasing him and have hit him (like in the back of the head and tripping). I'm livid and want to do something about it, but he wants me to just let it drop. What should I do?

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Answers. 19 helpful answers below.

  • by Beckah on March 19th, 2007

    Beckah

    Sometimes you just have to back off and let them deal with it. If he doesn't want you to do anything then I wouldn't right now however you will have to use your better judgement. If it is getting out of hand somehow you will need to intervene for his safety. Maybe you could talk w/ someone @ the school. I have a 16 and 13yr old. There is never an easy answer.Good luck to you...

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  • by El Soupy spanish for the soupy on May 29th, 2007

    El Soupy spanish for the soupy

    the thing to get a cross to him is that 1. he is normal and this happens to everyone. the second is to figure out "how" he is reacting. Bullies do this to feel better about themselves. there will always be bullies and he should learn now how to dea with them. Mostlikely he is giving the bully what he wants , which is a "reaction". if your son is good for a reaction then the bully will continually taunt them. if your son can learn to "diffuse" the bully (and this is not just by "ignoring" him) but by reacting in a manner that denies the bully what he wants.. the bully should move on to greener pastures...

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  • by Jax is missing AB on May 29th, 2007

    Jax is missing AB

    Personally I wouldn't get involved. It could just cause your son to have a harder time when you aren't around. I would however, discreetly notify the school about what is going on so they can keep an eye on the problem.

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  • by Anonymous on May 29th, 2007

    Anonymous

    I think you need to get involved at some point. Would talking to a school counselor or teacher help? Most of the time the school staff could care less or they are overworked with other problems. If none of the school staff, principal, etc are willing to help or unable to, I would either send the child to a decent private school or homeschool if possible. Anyone hitting or physically harming the child should be reported to the police. Bullies have a tendency to become future (often violent) criminals and they are depending on kind hearted people to not report them.

    The bullies are also crafty. They do their mischief when no adults are paying attention. So it might be hard for your son to prove the bullying exists. It is a difficult situation.

    If your child is athletic it may be helpful to him to get involved with the school sports programs. Being on a football, basketball, polo, soccer, tennis, or baseball team will definitely bring him a high status.

    It's too bad we get judged people on their looks, names, financial status, class, athletic abilities, color, religion etc but that is the way life is. I wish that was not the case but anyone who says I am telling lies probably can not handle the truth and reality of the world.

    Good luck- I did not mean to come across as a bitter person (who was also teased in junior high) but I don't want to see another child suffer like I did. Hope this helps.

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  • by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on June 14th, 2007

    Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH

    You shouldn't necessarily get involved directly, but make sure he's keeping you updated so you can intervene if it starts to get out of hand. Make sure he knows you're backing him up, not taking over for him. He needs to know you have his back, but he needs to learn to handle other kids.

    One thing I would consider is enrolling him in martial arts lessons. I have taught a number of kids in similar circumstances, and it will help them find the courage and heart to win out in the end. Winning for themselves will give them a confidence for the rest of their lives.

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  • by CyberDude4819 on March 28th, 2008

    CyberDude4819

    Well this is something that I went through myself, as the 13 year old. I was picked on relentlessly, and while my parents knew some of it they never really knew the extent of it. But one day years later when we were talking my mom told me how sometimes she wished that I had gotten into a few fights, legitimate ones to stand up for myself and not let them push me around, because I never did. I didn't want to let my parents down by getting in a fight.

    Violence doesn't solve problems, no, but getting in a fight or two when necessary to prove your ground, even if you lose, and to show that you simply aren't going to take it any more is something that I think is very necessary. If you agree to that you might let your son know that if he gets in a legitimate fight that you will be there to back him up when he gets in trouble with the school and that you aren't going to be disappointed in him for standing up for himself and showing those jackasses they have no power on him.

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  • by Alvaro on March 28th, 2008

    Alvaro

    Let him know that you respect his manhood and assure him that you will do nothing to make him look like a sissy or a mama's boy. When I was 12 (24 years ago) someone gave me "Arnold, the Education of a Bodybuilder." It had a great influence on me.
    http://www.amazon.com/Arnold-Education-Bodybuilder-Schwarzenegger/dp/0671797484/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206695161&sr=8-3
    http://www.amazon.com/Punping-Iron-25th-Anniversary-Special/dp/B0000C316U/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1206697994&sr=8-1
    http://www.amazon.com/Self-defense-you-teach-your-confidence-building/dp/0874070058/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206696514&sr=8-1

    The second link is supposed to be the DVD "Pumping Iron."

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  • by Kenzies on July 1st, 2008

    Kenzies

    I think you should read the book Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, it is FANTASTIC and addresses this question head on. In the mean time, trying to do something about it will just make it worse for him, but i think you should go (after school or thru email) and tell the teachers to keep an eye out for the meaner kids, that if something is not done then you will contact administation and let them know about the tolerance of bullying in their class rooms.

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  • by killdrphil - reasonable for a madman on March 28th, 2008

    killdrphil - reasonable for a madman

    This was asked a full year ago, so, let us know how you handled things?

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  • by maggie on March 28th, 2008

    maggie

    Yes, let him face it himself. But do teach him to retaliate and defend himself.

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  • by calova on October 13th, 2007

    calova

    As a 13 year old, I would have to tell you to let your teenager deal with it by himself. There is nothing a guy would hate more than for his mother to start getting involved in his problems, because it makes him feel incapable of handling himself.

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  • by KGSGoFreak on July 9th, 2007

    KGSGoFreak

    Call up the school and talk to the principal. If they don't do anything talk to the school board about it. You can't let this bullying continue, this could really start to effect him eventually. (Mentally that is.)

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  • by heyycutieee on June 14th, 2007

    heyycutieee

    DROP IT! things would only get worse with the tesing if parents are involved and then comes him walking downt the street on day home from school and he gets jumped. not to mention nark or pussy called at him for the rest of his life.

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  • by kim8758 on January 22nd, 2008

    kim8758

    I have been in the same situation with my child, and DEFINITELY DO NOT get involved between the children. It makes it worse. If it is more than the average bullying (I don't take these things lightly, but for lack of a better term) I would certainly make an appt. with the school counselor and ask what they suggest. Perhaps your child would go with you and they can reccomend something. I hate to say it, but our school didn't do any thing and my child got sick of it, and while I don't condone violence, he finally beat the crap out of the MUCH larger kid. I was VERY PROUD! (Sorry, but I was!)All is well, everyone finally grew up!!!

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  • by FaerieWhings on January 22nd, 2008

    FaerieWhings

    The worst thing you can do it something about it. He has to learn to stick up for himself. I was teased horribly at school for years until 7th grade when I finally fought back and that girl got some beat down. There was only issue with 2 girls for the rest of my school career from that point on. He will learn eventually.

    Maybe you can put him in a karate class so that he feels a little more self empowered.

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  • by Lysander on March 28th, 2008

    Lysander

    Drop it, this is his battle, but teach him how to deal with things, maybe talk to some of his friends while he's there.

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  • by Sildromas on March 27th, 2008

    Sildromas

    Maybe you shud leave it to him to deal with. He's thirteen, and old enough to deal with that stuff. I went through it at eleven, and my mom intervened, but at thirteen, you can actually stand up for yuorself. Trust your son. But if it is too much for him to deal with, he'll come to you

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  • by Babygirll on January 22nd, 2008

    Babygirll

    Just tell him that kids do this just to make themselves feel better and you also need to tell him that if someone hits him he needs to go to a teacher about it cause they'll get in trouble not him also if that doesn't work then he needs to hit them back cause no one has any right to put there hands on him.

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  • by American idle on May 29th, 2007

    American idle

    Teach him to stand up for himself.

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You're reading My 13 year old is having a rough time at school with the other kids, they are teasing him and have hit him (like in the back of the head and tripping). I'm livid and want to do something about it, but he wants me to just let it drop. What should I do?

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