When we first started my wife didn't want me dictating the action. If we were going to play like this, she was going to be in charge and she was going to see what she liked to do, not what I wanted. No handcuffs, I had to Want it. She would make me hold my legs open and apart while she would take turns with the different toys, fucking my ass and teasing my cock and balls. She seemed to like whatever made me groan the most. My advice would be: Give her an evening of being able to do anything that she wants to do to you, from fucking you with a dildo, to making you cum on your own face. Whatever would make her get into it more. The only way to find out is to experiment.

The best thing you can and should do is communicate. Each of you should try to set up an account on fetlife.com or alt.com. You'll find that both sites have fetish checklists. You could print out a list and each of you should seperately mark the things that you are anxious to try, the things you are just a little curious about and the things that you have hard limits and won't consider. This will give you something to discuss and ways to decide what both of you may be interested in trying. When you come up with something, say spanking. Don't go overboard, work your way up in intensity over time. You may want to act out a scene such as teacher/student. Plan your script out so that both of you know how it's going to go and later 'debrief' and discus the things that each of you enjoyed or the things that you didn't like at all. Use a safe word such as red to 'stop', yellow means 'I'm getting scared' and green means 'I'm ok'. There is a great book for beginners but it's getting hard to find called "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns". Find a copy or something similar. Everyone has different ideas as to what BDSM should be, it is actually different for every couple and you should roll your own. Communicate and establish trust and know each others hard limits. Most of all, be "Safe, Sane and Consensual".

A beginners guide: http://collaredncuffed.com/default.aspx

ohoh everything That Guy Again said.. plus, you can also look at "SM 101" by Jay Wiseman, and "Screw the Roses, Send me the thorns". Both are considered classic beginners BDSM texts, I think. You can get the latter at www.stockroom.com for much cheaper than youd get on amazon!