by A on September 2nd, 2009

A

Question

Help answer this question below.

Have you ever met a guy who calls himself a "nice guy" and complains that "nice guys finish last" who you don't actually find nice at all? Please explain!

  • Like
  • Report

Answers. 13 helpful answers below.

  • by Wombat99 on April 7th, 2010

    Wombat99

    Asker's Pick

    Selected by the asker, A. (What's this?)

    Interestingly, all of the legitimately nice guys I know don't label themselves like that. And every single guy I have EVER met who identified as a "nice guy" has been a miserable jerk.

    The rant Old School posted is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Don't blame the girls. You want to actually date women? Learn that "nice" does not mean acting like a pathetic, sycophantic milquetoast. You like a girl? Man the fuck up and ask her out. Don't just follow her around and hope she'll notice how "nice" you are. See, when women say they want a nice guy, what they mean is they want a confident, fun, flirtatious guy who will treat them like a human being and respect their feelings while still holding on to his own identity and pride. They do NOT mean that they want an obsequious pet who is too timid to take any kind of action to get what he wants, and doesn't mind doing little doggy tricks to get your attention. That's not nice, it's degrading. When you make it obvious that you don't respect yourself, how can you expect any girl to respect you?

    And of course, those are the guys who grow up to be bitter, miserable and alone because they never figure out how to be genuinely nice instead of desperate and annoying.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Prunesquallor on September 2nd, 2009

    Prunesquallor

    Asker's Pick

    Selected by the asker, A. (What's this?)

    If somebody calls himself a 'nice guy' you know he is not.

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by Old School on September 2nd, 2009

    Old School

    Perhaps you met one in the chrysalis stage between 'nice guy' and 'arrogant jerk'...;-D...


    I'll defer to an old "Rant" on Craigslist to expand upon this concept....;-D....(Note: explicit language in the original changed to 'family-friendly')


    What happened to all the nice guys?

    The answer is simple: you did.

    See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were boinking treated you.

    At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

    Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

    Well, once again, you did.

    You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of a jerk than he ever wanted to be.

    Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

    So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

    1.) Build a time machine.
    2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your rear end.
    3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

    I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

    If you were five years younger.

    So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've screwed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the horse pucky and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't bleeping want you, now.

    Sincerely,

    A Recovering Nice Guy

    • Like
    • Report

    6 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by somewhere Pll loves her dawgy on September 2nd, 2009

    somewhere Pll loves her dawgy

    A great piece on the 'Nice Guy Syndrome'

    http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by RosieGHM Jetpacker on September 2nd, 2009

    RosieGHM Jetpacker

    I think seeing yourself as you really are is difficult if not impossible. We like to put ourselves in the best light. It is always a subjective assessment..we cannot be objective about ourselves. That is how he sees himself. Happy Wednesday! :) ((hugs))

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Sandy - Sand on September 2nd, 2009

    Sandy - Sand

    Maybe people have been telling him he's a nice guy because he isn't !

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Anonymous T on September 2nd, 2009

    Anonymous T

    • Like
    • Report

    25 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by someone0175 on September 2nd, 2009

    someone0175

    It's very simple really. If you have to tell someone else you are something, then you are not. So, if you actually have to say "I'm a nice guy." you're not.

    • Like
    • Report

    3 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by killdrphil - reasonable for a madman on September 3rd, 2009

    killdrphil - reasonable for a madman

    Nice guys who never say they are a nice guy and who genuinely care for others, are nice guys. Guys who proclaim all the time that they are nice and try to make that their whole identity, and, who also say things like "Nice guys finish last" are just pussies.

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by Pecks bad boy on September 2nd, 2009

    Pecks bad boy

    I know one. I think him more as "Whining guy" then nice guy. He thinks everyone is out to get him. +5

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by -Icy- on September 2nd, 2009

    -Icy-

    he thought he was a nice guy but he was filled with so much bitterness and hate he was not nice at all. +5

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Mountain Momma on September 2nd, 2009

    Mountain Momma

    I actually dated a guy once who said this about himself and he was an alcoholic who had to drink every day and was sometimes violent.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Anonymous T on September 2nd, 2009

    Anonymous T

    ... (missed the text field... again... duh :|)

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

Want to attach an image to your answer? Click here.

Did this answer your question? If not, then ask a new question or create a poll.

You're reading Have you ever met a guy who calls himself a "nice guy" and complains that "nice guys finish last" who you don't actually find nice at all? Please explain!

Follow us on Facebook!

Related Ads

ANSWERBAG BUZZ

I collect earrings
Anon livejournal recovering nice guy