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by Mini_kilt on March 16th, 2007

Mini_kilt

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Some people 'Sleep train' thier infants by letting thier babies "Cry it Out" as early as 6 months old. What do you think about not responding to the cries of an infant?

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Answers. 22 helpful answers below.

  • by Penny The Wise on March 16th, 2007

    Penny The Wise

    I believe in this to a degree. If you pick up a child every single time it cries, for any reason whatsoever, you IMO are teaching this child that if you cry, you get what you want. Try to figure out why your child is crying. If you haven't changed them, or fed them or if they fell, those are some good reasons to calm your child, but if you coddle them every time you think there might be some liquid in the eye, that raisies children to act out to get what they want. Now, if your hild has been crying for 20+ minutes and seems to have no end, I would suggest taking a look into it. ;)

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  • by sadiepotatie in a smitten COAT on September 27th, 2008

    sadiepotatie in a smitten COAT

    It's heartbreaking to do it, but it works! My daughter sleeps thru the night. She wouldn't even nap during the day if i didn't let her cry a bit. She doesn't normally do it at night, just during the day. Let it go on for maybe 10 mins try to soothe them, and then try again. It's healthy to let them cry some. They have to be able to learn to self soothe themselves, or your going to have a heck of a time with them!

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  • by RFlagg on March 16th, 2007

    RFlagg

    I myself am of the opinion that infants should be sleeping in the bed with their parents, as nature intended.

    Ignoring it and letting the baby cry themselves to sleep may be easier, but infants at that age are meant to be near their mothers at most times, and human contact is important to a child's developement.

    You can't overindulge them, but you can't just ignore them either, you have to find a healthy middle ground.

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  • by freya_4 on March 21st, 2007

    freya_4

    6 months is too young to begin that tatic, it's ok to let them cry for a moment or two depending on the intensity and nature of the cry. They need the security of knowing you're there for them waiting to love and care for them.

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  • by FLYxNIGHT on March 16th, 2007

    FLYxNIGHT

    I think that sometimes, there isn't anything you can do to stop it from crying anyway, so as long as it isn't hurt, hungry, or in need of a changing, I don't see the harm (other than to my eardrums).

    No-one answers the cries of adults, so perhaps being left to "cry it out" is a valuable early life lesson.

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  • by unknown on March 16th, 2007

    unknown

    I don't believe in letting infants cry it out. If a baby cries it is for a reason. I never let my son cry it out at that age. Even if all he wanted was to be held I would hold him. That is a valid reason to cry in my opinion. I also let him sleep with me in my bed when he was a little older. I don't believe in banishing very young children to a solitary existence in a distant room. That is a new concept and I don't think it is a good one. Now I will let my son cry it out. He is 5 now and he knows the different between whining and crying. I will let him whine cry but if he is really hurt or needs to be hugged then I do it. I don't see any benefit from letting him feel abandoned by his mother.

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  • by Sandra havent been here since forever on August 10th, 2007

    Sandra havent been here since forever

    i think thats sad poor babies
    i agree with rflagg read his answer its good

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  • by munchkin_kids_downunder on March 23rd, 2007

    munchkin_kids_downunder

    it's called control crying, it works for some, it's personal choice.

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  • by R U Sirius on March 21st, 2007

    R U Sirius

    Depends on what your definition of SLEEP TRAIN means.

    What we did, was go in and console our child just to give them the sense of security. As the night goes on, the increments become longer. We were very careful to not feed in to her attention hunger.

    We really did'nt have any major issues with her falling asleep.

    6 months seems a little young to me though. An infants crying usually leads to something more serious then say--A toddler crying.

    I would be more inclined to check on the infants crying everytime.

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  • by BrokeDog on February 9th, 2009

    BrokeDog

    It didn't work on either of my 3 (especially my son). He had INTENSE colic from 2 months old until 10 months, and he NEVER slept more than 2 hours at a time! I felt so sorry for my daughters because, when their little brother finally did fall asleep, they got in very serious trouble if they even made one noise. But, my wife was so run down, (and I was close behind), so, when he did fall asleep, we collapsed!

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  • by Missie on August 9th, 2007

    Missie

    cry it out is the worst thing you can do, if you follow the parent led advice from BabyWise books. It results in sick babies. here is some information about crying in general and CIO from the leading pediatricians in the US http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp#t051205

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  • by Anonymous on March 21st, 2007

    Anonymous

    I think for a couple minutes its fine, but to leave them isn't a very loving thing for your child. I think its great to find things that puts them to sleep, and to make time for that. The way i do it, is by humming a song. For some kids it rubbing the middle of there back or lightly running your nails down the babies back. You will always find something that puts a baby to sleep. You need to relax as a parent, and learn to control to an extent but also be compassionate. The baby is crying for a reason after all and they just know thats how they get mommy and daddys attention.

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  • by NewMom on August 18th, 2008

    NewMom

    you guys kept saying that 6 months is a bit to young to train them, so whats the ideal age than?

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  • by Aidens Momma on August 10th, 2007

    Aidens Momma

    i think that 6 months is way too young... my son is 5 months and by his second little cry i am there and he sleeps with me and his daddy the rest of the night. babies at this age are learning security and thats why they cry

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  • by Anonymous on March 21st, 2007

    Anonymous

    Six months is definitely too young for that. At six months, a baby still usually needs a middle of the night feeding. You simply can't ignore that, and most times they won't fall back to sleep until you feed them anyway. Once they are older and no longer need a nighttime feeding, I think it's perfectly fine. If you don't allow the child to learn how to get back to sleep without some sort of aid, then they are going to refuse to learn and you end up with a 4 year old who insists on a 3am glass of milk or bedtime story.

    I did this with my son when his teething had settled down a bit and it worked beautifully. It only took two or three nights of letting him cry himself back to sleep before he gave up crying at all and would simply fall right back to sleep.

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  • by R U Sirius on August 10th, 2007

    R U Sirius

    I'm no professional....but "cry it out" at 6 months is not the right thing to do. From my experience, a babies cry can tell you other things. For example, they could be sick. Have a fever. ETC.

    Unfortunately a lady who brought an infant to our daycare did'nt immediately respond to her crys and by the morning, they rushed their child to the hospital where she died.

    you have to respond to a crying baby!

    This question sounds more like training a child for sleep in which I would do. But I would check at regular intervals to reassure the child.

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  • by NewMom on August 18th, 2008

    NewMom

    what if an infant cry merely beacause he wants a hug, i heard from my realtives not to always carry and hug your baby if he cries for hug as this may cause that infant not to be independant when he became a toddler and will show tantrump if you did'nt hug him. any opinion?

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  • by the Otter on September 29th, 2008

    the Otter

    Every child is different. What works for one may not work for another, even in the same family. Take my kids, for example: my wife and I didn’t plan to let our daughter “cry it out,” but for all her sweetness, she is *extremely* manipulative. By the time she was for or five months old, we weren’t able to have any “us time” at all and it was actually to the point of starting to damaging our relationship (which would, of course, be *very* bad for her).

    After doing a lot of research, we started using a “progressive cry-out”: the first night, you let the child cry for five minutes before soothing, then ten, then fifteen, and keep increasing for as long as the child requires; the second night, you go to multiples of six; then multiples of seven; etc.. Within about a week, dd figured out that she really *could* go to sleep by herself, and we got our lives back.

    Our son, on the other hand, is an extremely meek little boy, even clingy at times. We wanted to let him “cry it out,” like his sister had, but it just seemed mean to do to him. As such, he was well over a year old before we ever really tried it. The funny thing is that he’ll cry for as long or as short as it takes, to get to the first visit; then go directly to sleep, immediately thereafter. Funny kid. ;-)

    So yeah, I’m good with letting a child “cry it out,” but only if it’s what’s right for that particular child.

    HTH!

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  • by BigDaddyBS on February 9th, 2009

    BigDaddyBS

    That's what we did. I don't remember how old they were, but at some point, probably around 6-8 months, we started putting them in the crib in the other room, instead of in the bassinet in our room.

    If they woke up, we'd check on them, get them to stop by holding and patting them, then put them back down. If they cried, we let them, listening for a change in the crying, and checking every 10 minutes or so until they went to sleep. Within about week, we could put them into bed when it was time for THEM to go to bed, and they'd sleep through the night, most nights.

    Personally, I've heard of enough deaths from co-sleeping, that I'd be afraid to try it. My wife's 2-1/2yo granddaughter (my step-granddaughter), though, has co-slept with her mom for so long, when she comes to visit us, my wife goes into the guest room with her, and sleeps there. With two dogs, my wife and me, OUR bed would just be TOO crowded for it.

    It still worries me, but the main problem I see now, is she's VERY dependent when sleeping on someone being with her.

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  • by oracle13 on February 9th, 2009

    oracle13

    This is a tough and controversial topic for parents.

    After reading numerous articles, books, talking with other parents, and having to deal with sleep issues with my two children deciding to let your baby "cry it out" or Ferberizing (developed by Dr. Richard Ferber) greatly depends on you, your living situation, and your child.

    If you live in an area where your neighbors do not mind the cries at night for about two weeks time, you and your spouse have the patience and don't mind dealing with the crying, and your child is able to cry themselves to sleep after about 30 to 45 minutes then you have a good chance of using Dr. Ferber's method. Letting my second child cry herself to sleep worked great because of the above mentioned. Ear-plugs are highly recommended during this time. :)

    If you live in an area where your neighbors are easily disturbed by noise (like in apartments), you and your spouse don't have the patience for this and/or need sleep to function, and your child refuses to sleep after 2 to 3 or even more hours of constant crying, Dr. Ferber's method is probably not the best one to try. With my first child, Dr. Ferber's method did not work at all and we were very exhausted after a week of trying it. To get our first daughter to sleep at night, we had to keep her up during the day (no naps) so that she would fall asleep at night. Of course we had to carry her until she fell asleep at night.

    Basically, you have to try different things because each child is different. Keep talking with other parents to see what they did to get their children to sleep at night.

    Getting your infant to sleep at night is one of the more difficult challenges of being a parent. Hang in there, as babies get older they get into a schedule of being up during the day, taking one 1 to 2 hour nap, and then falling asleep at night.

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  • by robinbird- gone on September 29th, 2008

    robinbird- gone

    We used a technique called "pick up, put down" with our son. We weren't comfortable with him crying it out. He had acid reflux in his early months and screamed in pain constantly, so we couldn't possibly handle him crying like that again, especially if we were causing it. We also wanted him to learn to settle himself and go to sleep. The technique involved picking him up at his first fuss, and put him gently back in his crib as soon as the fuss stopped. Then stand there and wait until he fussed again, then pick him up, put him down, and so on. It sounds like the cookiest thing out there, but it worked. It took 45 minutes the first night, then 20 the next, then down from there. The whole idea is to reinforce to your child that you are there when they cry, but you are putting them to sleep when they are not. It works, and he is happy and healthy, and he knows Mommy is there for him. (And he has slept wonderfully ever since...)

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  • by PaigeKittles on May 14th, 2009

    PaigeKittles

    The cries of infants vary based upon need and an experienced caregiver can, to a certain degree, distinguish the difference between hunger, pain/discomfort, or boredom/wanting attention cries. While it is important to give infants some attention when they are only crying for attention, if it is bedtime and you are trying to sleeptrain them (Usually accomplished long before 6 mos of age) then by all means let them cry... so long as you are certain the cries are not due to discomfort or hunger. In the beginning, it is best to still come to their side, but by all means DO NOT pick them up. Simply rub the child's back or stand nearby but keep the attention to a minimum. There should be a clear signal that it is bedtime so that the child understands that during this time, they will not get the usual attention. They will figure out that boredom cries will not be tended to... If you give in because you are unsure why the baby is crying, it is a major setback but continue to keep all contact to a minimum. No talking, no eye contact, just change the diaper or whatever else needs to be done to meet the child's needs, put them down and walk away.

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