Have ever had to put a very close relative (my mom) in an assistant care home? It is NOT easy!

I had to find a home for my Dad. I had three children, no room for him, He stayed 8 months when my mum was in hospital as he was blind and my son had to sleep on the floor in his( two) sisters room.When he had a stroke and needed care, We looked to see if I could give up work to care for him and it was not possible. I found a home for him and visited about 4 times a week, sometimes more, He was a great favourite there and without prompting told me he was well settled. Home from Home was what he said.
His sister never spoke to me again and turned her back to me at his funeral. I was the youngest of his children but it was me she had the beef with. It WAS a hard decision. One I never really became reconciled to. My dad was able to be part of the decision making process but it must be horrible if that cannot be the case.

I have been involved in some of my wife's relatives. You do mean assisted living home don't you? In those the person usually cares for themselves except in ways they need assistance. Most times they have their own little one room apartment. My brother is in one.

My lovely mother-in-law had Alzheimers. We did all we could to take care of her, but eventually she was Sectioned and had to be admitted to a care home which was wonderful, I didn't have any complaints about her care. It was so very difficult seeing her deteriorate.
She always knew me but thought my husband was in fact her brother.

On an amusing but extremely sad note, the day she died she had been admitted to hospital. Her last words to me were 'Well, I'm getting my teeth done today, so there might be a chance of me getting another husband once I've got these teeth sorted out'. This was because she had the oxygen mask on and she thought she was at the dentist!

Oh and she was eighty-seven LOL

I believe you mean an ASSISTED care home, not one for secretaries and aides.

We recently had this discussion with my parents after my mother took yet another fall and had to spend the night on the floor. My father is dead set against such a place, even though they selected one themselves. So they got Life Alert instead. :(

My 83 year old mother and I took care of my dad when the Alzheimer's finally incapacitated him completely. It was a struggle just to talk her into getting some help coming into their home-it's a long story. Anyway, near the end, we had to have him put into hospice. They took very good care of him there. I know first hand how hard it is dealing with elderly parents who refuse badly needed help. I know your situation is hard, also. You say assisted care home, are you talking about nursing home, or is it more of an apartment living area, with help available if needed? Not sure what shape your mom is in, but she may find assisted living apartment very pleasant if she would give it a chance. I wish you the very best, however things turn out! :)