Did you hear about the new Titanic light beer: it goes down really smoothly.

There is a Papa tomato and a Mama tomato and a Baby tomato walking down the street, the Baby tomato kept on lagging behind, so the Papa tomato went and stepped on the Baby tomato and said ketchup.

what is invisible and smells like carrots? a bunny fart! LOL!!!

"Quote" A wise man dosn't play leapfrog with a unicorn

Did you hear about the guy who works for the bicycle company? He's their SPOKESPERSON! Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station Where do cows eat lunch? The calf-a-teria

Mary Poppins with the cat........?

Do you know why Lady Diana left Prince Charles and divorced him? Well, she wanted to marry a good ruler...and a good ruler must have at least twelve inches! (She was alive when I heard this one...I hope it is not offensive to sensitive people)

1) The two most common elements in the univers are hydrogen and stupidity 2)If at first you dont succeed hire some one who can

Wal-Mart is having a Giant Sale........Buy two giants and get one free........

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer''." "But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer. "Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!""

Why did the lawyer cross the road? To sue the chicken on the other side. What's in a clean nose? Fingerprints.

PURPLE JOKE!!!(kinda long) there were 2 kindergardeners in a sand box after a while, one of the kids got mad at the other and threw sand at the other, so the other kid(lets call him joey) calls the other kid purple! the kid ran 2 his teacher and started crying...the Teacher called him over and said,'joey! what happened???' Joey,'oh i called him purple' T,'wat!!! go 2 the principals office! Joey got to the pricipals office and the Principal said'wat r u doing here???' J,' oh i got sent here cuz i called a kid purple' P,'WAT!ur expeled from skool!!!' so joey got home and his Mom asked'why r u home from skool so early??' J,'cuz i called a kid purple' M,'WAT!!!(she smackes him)got 2 ur room! wait till ur father gets home!!!' later his Father gets home and says,' wow ur moms pretty mad wat did u do???' J,'i called a kid purple...' F,' WAT! purple!?!?(punches him)u cant live here anymore!GO!' so Joey went walking on the streets alone at night..and a Cop car pulles up and say'wats a kid walking out alone at night?' J,'cuz i got kicked out of the house cuz i called a kid purple' C,' WAT! freez scumbag get in da back!!!' so Joey goes 2 court...the Judge says'wats a kid doing in court???' J,' sigh...well i got caught on the streets at night cuz i got kicked out of the house cuz i got kicked out of skool cuz i called a kid purple!' Judge' WAT! 50 years in jail! CU CU!' 50 years later he walks out with his cell mate and Joey asks 'wat were u in 4?' cell mate'oh i killed 100 people with my own bare hands' J'oh me wen i was in kindergarden i called a kid purple'his cell mate starts screaming runs into the rod,got hit by a car and got killed... wats the lesson? ill let u think ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. look both ways befor u cross the street!!