A blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finally finds his way to a stool and orders a cup of coffee. He sips his coffee for a minute or two then hollers "hey, anybody wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar falls quiet but then in a husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know something. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat and the bouncer is a blonde girl. Not only that, but I'm a 6-foot, 165-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting on the other side of you is blonde and a professional weightlifter. The lady sitting at the table right behind you is a blonde and she drives truck. 'Now, think about it. Do you really want to tell that joke? The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/features/

A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?", the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult...However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower." "The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.." "However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts." One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat", admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church." "We know", said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.! The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?' All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat ! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, 'Up or down ?' There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?' The woman replied, 'Down.' A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, 'Up or down ?' She replied, 'Up.' This really confused the gentleman so he asked, 'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!' She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown.'