I had an intact hymen and was worried that having sex with a man for the first time would hurt. However, on the advice of a female friend who had previously had the same issue, over a period of several months I gradually stretched my own vaginal opening through masturbation before I ever had sex with a man. After my boyfriend and I decided that we wanted to have sex, we didn't try to have intercourse the first time that we got naked together, but rather, we gradually got more physical over a period of another several months. Because we went very gradually, the masturbation and the later sex were painless. Although the quick and painful way might have been simpler, the way we did it was well worth the time, especially because of the care and intimacy that we developed in the process.
A woman can do the following either alone and/or with her partner. The two partners need to have a caring, trusting relationship established in order to do this. Ladies, someone who truly loves you will have the patience to go slowly with you if that is what you want. Try foreplay for a few months, gradually working up to the point where her hymen has been stretched enough that she can have intercourse without pain. Start with lots of talking, kissing, hugging, fondling, a full body massage, a bubble bath, or what ever makes you both feel cared about and turned on. The first few times, just finger the outside of the woman's genital area. Stop as soon she asks you to, and wait until next time to get more physical.
After, she's comfortable with this first step, try putting the very tip of your little finger a little bit inside her <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/article/12495-the-vagina/" title="vagina" style="", class="stronglinks" target="_blank" />vagina</a> (and be sure your fingernails are clipped short and filed smooth). Do this when she is secreting lots of her natural lubricant, and also add an additional store bought lubricant. Go only as far as she is able to go without discomfort. If this is uncomfortable for her, stop and wait until next time. If she is not feeling any pain or discomfort, ask her if you can put your little finger further into her vagina. Most women have small holes in their hymens, so you can put a finger through one of the holes, and gradually (over months) stretch the hole until it becomes larger. If comfortable for the woman, leave the finger there for half an hour or more, in order to stretch the hymen and vaginal walls. Do this on several different occasions.
After she's comfortable with the steps above, try your index or middle finger, using the same gradual process. After a few months, she might be comfortable having two fingers inside her vagina at once. A little bit later, try an object, such as a small dildo. You can work up to larger dildos. Always stop as soon as she gets uncomfortable.
After she can go this far without any pain, put the very tip of your penis inside the opening of her vagina, without any thrusting. As the weeks or months go by, she may gradually become more comfortable allowing you to put your penis deeper into her vagina, still without any thrusting. Remember to use lots of lubricant, and only do this when she is aroused. Keep the lines of communication open throughout the whole process. Repeat this until she is comfortable having your penis completely inside her vagina.
When she's ready, start with some very slow, gentle thrusting. She may want to be on top, so that she can control the pace and depth of the thrusting. The two of you can go faster and deeper as this becomes comfortable.
Have patience, and adjust this advice to what feels right for the two of you.
Comments
also a very good point, the lube thing does help alot
by immaflirt on May 29th, 2007