by Jennifer Wimsatt on February 8th, 2005

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My mom says I'm not allowed to date black guys, but I really like this guy and I see no problem with interracial dating. What should I do?

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by Anon on December 13th, 2008
4 steps I think will help you.

1. Acquire a frozen fish.

2. Raise fish high above your head.

3. Slap mother across the face with said frozen fish.

4. Date black guy.
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- JAJAJAJA! That is hilarious!
  
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  by U n i q u e on February 28th, 2009
- You are bizarre.
  
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  by Moonchaser on March 25th, 2009
- How so? I simply respond to odd behaviour with odd behaviour.
  
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  by Anon on March 26th, 2009
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by cabryan on June 26th, 2006
date him and see for yourself if he is right for you or not and if it turns out bad please don't blame all of us for 1 man's mistakes.
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by jtolb65 on January 26th, 2008
If you're over 18, date him. If you're under 18 and living under her roof, you do what she says because she is the boss.
After you're on your own, you can date who you please.
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by Anonymous on October 10th, 2006
It is sad she worries about someone's race. Would she rather you date a man that is the same color that beats you than a black man that doesn't? There is so much in this world to worry about, if you dating a black guy is the "worst" thing you do in your life she should be thankful. Besides, mixed kids are cute.
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by Rebelheart on February 28th, 2009
Listen to your mother until you are old enough to live on your own. Then you can do what you want to do.
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by SABOTEUR on January 26th, 2008
Seeing as you had to ASK someone what you should do, you're probably not ready to make this kind of decision or handle the responsibility a decision of this nature incurs.

Follow Mom's advice.
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- SABO, you are a very wise man with a great perspective. The fact that you showed no anger over this says tons. If every black person in this nation had your common sense I think racial issues would dissolve in a very short period of time. That would be a wonderful thing.
  
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  by Cowboy-Matter of Fact on January 26th, 2008
- I read my comment and I feel an overwhelming need to add to it that EVERYONE, no matter the color of their skins needs to share your perspective.
  
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  by Cowboy-Matter of Fact on January 26th, 2008
- I'm flattered by your kind remarks. Thank you.
  
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  by SABOTEUR on January 26th, 2008
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by snakebarber on January 11th, 2009
I can see the point of sticking with your own race in this way. I don't think its a racist thing. I wish I could articulate my thoughts on this better, but while its not "wrong" to date someone of a different color I understand where your mom comes from.
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by Anonymous on June 26th, 2006
This is one of those issues where your best course of action is to try your hardest to prove that you are a grown up, capable of making responsible decisions, rather than a child who throws their toys out of the pram and does things JUST because they are forbidden.

I realise you probably feel like shouting and screaming at your mother about how much of a bigot she's being, and in a sense, that's perfectly understandable. But: it's unlikely to actually get you anywhere. Neither is going behind her back- instead of looking at the issue for what it is, she will concentrate on the fact that you disobeyed her, and if anything you may well deepen her prejudices by making her think that the poor black guy in question somehow "led you astray".

Instead, your best course of action is to pick your moment carefully- when she's calm, perhaps over the evening meal. In a non-judgemental way, just ask her why she feels inter-racial dating is wrong. Ask if she ever knew a white girl who dated a black guy in the past and whether it turned out badly (often prejudices are irrationally based on a single evnt in someone's past that leads them to lead all of a certain group with the same brush). Re-assure her that you aren't about to disobey her rules whilst you live at home, but you do feel like you should be given some kind of explanation. Voice your own side of the argument calmly, making your points sensibly and trying not to lose your temper. Point out how many highly successful black statesmen, leaders, religious figures, actors, writers etc there have been, give as many examples as you can to help to challenge her stereotype. You might also want to ask her how she will react if once you leave her home and her control you begin to date, have a relationship with, or even marry a black guy? This might make her think a little more about what she's asking of you. You may well not change her mind, but this is your best hope of getting her to reconsider.

Good luck, I hope you have some success. If not, take heart in the fact that it won't be long before you're free to make your own mind up about who you date.
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by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on February 25th, 2005
Another opening a can of worms question. . .

This is, as has already been said, very tough. Your mother should not impose her prejudices on you. If she chooses not to date a black guy that's her business and if you choose to date one, that is yours. However, while you are under her roof and a minor (IF that is the case) disobeying your mother is not a good thing. In other words, if you are going to disobey her, pick your battles carefully and don't throw it in her face as a "rebel with a cause" argument to get your way.

Talk with her, ask her why she forbids you to date blacks (or any other groups of people). Keep your cool no matter how upsetting her answer is. Express that you do not agree that interracial dating is a bad thing and that you would like to date guys based on who they are and not what color/ethnicity/nationality/et cetera. Tell her that it was her choice to not date a black guy, but that doesn't mean it has to be yours. See how she responds. Who knows, if you are calm and adult about it, she might come around. Unfortunately, I doubt it, but you can say you tried to respect her wishes, but simply could not agree with her.

No matter how much we try to hide things from our parents and how well we do it. . .there is always the chance that she will find out if you date him in secret. Prepare yourself for that ahead of time so that you can discuss it with her rather than argue. Or you could brush it off and just say he's a friend and continue the deception.

I often found that when my parents forbid me from doing something, there was a good reason for it. I can't see that in this case. Prejudice justifies nothing. Good for you in not sharing your mother's unfortunate views. Best of luck and I hope this helps.
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by Anonymous on January 26th, 2008
This article may help you to deal with disapproving friends and family.

"As a child you were probably told that it is important to stand up for what you believe in, however, this idea can often be thrown right out the window when it comes to a family objecting to your interracial relationship. You, however, need to evaluate why your family is objecting to your relationship, and if it is based solely on race, you need to take a stand."

Continue reading here:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/519423/dealing_with_a_family_that_doesnt_approve.html
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by diddle on October 9th, 2006
Well, I'm kind of in a similar situation. I'm Catholic and my partner is Muslim. We have completely different backgrounds and traditions. The appraoch I took was just letting my Mom know that this guy and I are just friends. Then every time I would have a chance to sit and chat with her, I would mention something great about this guy. I would tell her how he made me feel good about something or how he helped me solve a problem I was having or how he's always there when I need him. Little by little, here and there I would hint to her that this person (that's totally different from us) can make me feel so good. I tried to make her see him through my eyes without being forceful. I never imposed him on her. I didn't want her to feel too uncomfortable with it so I wouldn't elaborate too much. I will never change her mind about her beliefs that inter racial relationships are wrong but, I have been able to have her accept certain things that she wouldn't have before. Maybe your thinking it's to late for all of this because you already told your Mom that u want to be with him, in that case, soften up on it. Tell her that it's not 100% written in stone that you want to be with this person but that chances are he could be for you and she should be willing to give him a chance. Try not to argue with your mother about it, that will only aggrevate her and make her stick by her word more than anything. I hope this helps. Good luck!
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by Anonymous on May 23rd, 2006
date him secretly and never tell your mother while under her roof.
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by Its still Ridiculous on March 25th, 2009
If you are a minor/living in her house you may have to abide by her rules. If you are not allowed to and you and this person genuinely care for one another...wait. It will happen and it may be at a better opportune time.

Also if you are not allowed to 'date' this person but you are able to have conversations/letters etc with them you will be able to develop a deeper relationship just by getting to know each other. Many times the physical aspects of a relationship hinder us from getting to 'KNOW' the person.
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by jibberjabbers on February 28th, 2009
Ask her why. If she doesn't give you a good answer to why not, than call her a racist. The fact that mom says "you're not allowed to date a black guys" says it all. She's racist.

She's no better than Hitler.
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- Sometimes people you love have their interest at heart. I don't like the fact that Mom would do this, but sometimes also they can see all the problems associsted with this. Not fair to compare her to Hitler - who killed millions of jews.
  
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  by Moonchaser on March 25th, 2009
- Hilter killed millions of Jews?
  
  Why do you dont mention Hitler? What about these other Countries?
  
  Country - Jews Killed
  Austria - 65,000
  Czechoslovakia - 277,000
  France - 83,000
  Hungary - 305,000
  Netherlands - 106,000
  
  http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/history.html
  
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  by jibberjabbers on March 26th, 2009
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by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on December 13th, 2008
Jennifer, it's several months later. Did you date him?
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by Rabbit on December 13th, 2008
Date him!
If you live with your Mum, meet away from home.
If your Mum asks why your present date never pick you up at home tell her the truth, adding that you respect her views so you will not embarrass her bringing him home.

Eventually your mum will be intrigued and will want to meet him.
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by HipHop4eva82 on December 16th, 2010
It's sad that in this day and age, people are still concerned with color! You must be young since your mom has a leash on your love life. Even if you listen to your mom, that's not going to stop you from liking black guys or guys of another race for that matter. You can't hide or control your feeling forever. So I would say, do what makes you happy! Just don't bring him to your house. Your mom should just be happy for you and support you! I wish you good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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by ritzieplh4 on September 28th, 2010
i had that same question a couple of years ago and the truth is that you a re the only one that can decide that, you have th eanswer in your hands if you really like him then you will risk evrything to be able to be with him,if he is not worth it then you will just move on and find someone else. i risked everything and lost my mom and dad in the sense of ,they wont talk to me anymore, but now i have the best fiancee ever, and i love him to death and i couldnt be happier. i made the best decision,now its time for you to do the same.
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- I'm sorry that you lost your family over something like that! But I commend you on following your heart, cause a lot of people don't have the guts to do so.
  
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  by HipHop4eva82 on December 16th, 2010
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by joycekane on June 28th, 2009
i'll tell her that it's normal for making a interracial dating. i know a interracial dating site, http://www.blackwhiteconnect.com, ppl there treat others well and seems that thay have the same skin. so i don't think there r some problems with interracial dating.
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by kiwisoccer on March 25th, 2009
If the only reason she gives is because he is black then date this guy behind your mums back as at the end of the day only you can make yourself happy not your mum
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- What a crock if she is underage and has to live at home. You can't do that and think what - I'll just tell Mom and Dad to f.... off. Sorry - but if this is the case - then they need to abide the rules until they come of age and move out.
  
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  by Moonchaser on March 25th, 2009
- So if you were in her situation and your parents forbid you to date your husband you would obey her rules!
  And i never said anything about telling her parents to f... off
  
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  by kiwisoccer on March 26th, 2009
- If I was 17 and living at home, it would be the smart thing to do. Your right you never said "f..." off - but if she does what you suggest she is basically saying that if she does that. I have nothing against anyone dating whoever they like - but you do need to follow the rules at your parents house.
  
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  by Moonchaser on March 26th, 2009
- Yeah i can see where you are coming from, but if they had said she is not allowed to date this one black guy in particular then maybe i could understand but the fact they say she is not allowed any blacks at all means she is going to miss out on dating a great guy cos her mum is still living in the 1700's
  But yeah i see what you mean with her living under her mums roof
  
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  by kiwisoccer on March 26th, 2009
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by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on February 28th, 2009
bring him over for dinner and put your parents in a uncomfortable position. they will get over it
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by spanky on February 3rd, 2009
well i am a 17 year old white female and i have been with my black boyfriend for over two years at first my dad was livid and emotionally abused me but i stood my ground because i was so drawn to my bf and knew there wuz sumthing there...opinions on this topic do change my dad is very fond of my boyfriend now and they get along very well...he has learned to be color blind he learned that just because his ckin was a diffrent color didnt mean he was a bad guy...if u really like this guy go for it and pray god doesnt give u anything that u cannot handle
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by ... on February 9th, 2005
.
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by Nomadic Heretic on October 21st, 2009
A lot of people are telling you that because you are under her roof you have to follow all her rules.
Practical rules and the ones that apply to your safety yes.
Date this guy you are interested in but let him know upfront your mother does not approve and that you two may have to be careful.

He may end up being the love of your life and a great guy.
Take a chance.
There are a lot of people who did not and they are in long term marriages /relationships of convenience or for the kids and there is no love and passion there.
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by jshm22 on September 22nd, 2010
she said your not allowed to date black guys not American guys so date who you like. If she's the hardline Christian "soccer mom" type then don't bring him home.

you've still to get the yes from him so don't get ahead of yourself he might say no.
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by AnonymousTeen on August 3rd, 2011
I got the same thing goin on...
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by Erebus on April 3rd, 2009
2nd Kings 5, Leviticus 13-15, and Numbers 12
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Question

My mom says I'm not allowed to date black guys, but I really like this guy and I see no problem with interracial dating. What should I do?

Answers. 27 helpful answers below.

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