Sorry if this is long, i'm partially venting at the same time. lol so this becomes the longest week of my life as i count down the days to get seen, the day finally comes, i'm nearly drained of all life from my body. we arrive at the doctors to deal with a very crowded, loud waiting room for 30 minutes. we sit off my ourselves away from most of the people (and like always you get those few people that have to use the two seats nearly on top of you instead of the other open spaces in the building), so i'm sweating like a dog and trying to focus on somthing that isn't a person because i really dont like it when people stare at me, so i'm avoiding the same. This couple walks over to talk to the people beside me, and directly moves into my peripheal vision (on the floor in front of me practically) talking in spanish and giggling loudly. making my head pound and my anxiety flood my sweat glands. We finally get called back, and the nurse asks me the typical check up questions. she leaves, and me and my mother are set to wait for a bit, more like 45 more minutes (granted i'm thankful it wasn't the waiting room) after a bit of random small talk and laughing amongst ourselves, i hear the nurse tell the doctor down the hall my name. i hear the doctors response as "whos that?" and then i lose audibility. eventually the doctor comes in, shakes our hand and starts the series of typical sleep problem questions. about diet, activities etc. we come to a discussion about college, and somehow he has the right to argue with me and my mom why i should go to college immediately after highschool and not wait a year. after that uncomfortable conversasion with a complete stranger ends, he then asks if i take drugs or have girl trouble. i clearly state no to the drugs, and he asks if i mind taking a drug test, i hold up my arms and boldy state "go for it" which was different for me, as i hate needles. but his lack of trust was rather irritabe so i did so regardless. apparently he was phsycologically measuring me the whole time and didn't intend on drug screening me, because he eventually tells us, its definately not psychological, because i'm socializing well, and its not depression because i'm not randomly bawling or seem withdrawn or suicidal, and dont seem anxiety-like. (i'm semi anxietic, not to the height of attacks, but i sweat like mad when i'm uncomfortable) i've got mild depression too, but i'm so well at hiding it because i've been hiding it from my mom for years ( we live in a crappy area, ive got no Real life social stuff, no GF etc, so yeah i'm depressed, i'd just never stoop to contemplating suicide, nor bawling for no reason. i grew up fast, had to.) , so the obvious answer to him is apparently my sleep hygene, he suggests going to bed at 9.. my current time is 12, which is a hell of alot better than the random whenever i wanted to sleep patterns i had a year ago. also he wants me to stop playing World of warcraft (my down time relaxing productivity. also my only means of socialization in this cursed town), for a month, and to come back only if i have hallucinations or other psy. effects. we try to assure him i wasn't addicted or anything, as i quit for a month once because my friend stopped playing, but he started playing again so i started up as well. he claims he plays or played WoW and that its hard not to play it, but to just do it anyway. and to me, that sleep change would be very nearly impossible for a few days without some sleep aid, considering i went there for problems sleeping, if i go to bed at 9, instead of 12, i'm basically gonna be laying there, well past my usual bed time and into the morning because i'm gonna be laying there before i am tired, thus losing almost no energy, till it finally hits morning and i literally pass out. which to me seems counter productive, wouldn't a gradual change make more sense? i understand people who sleep within that time frame sleep better, but there are people who night shift etc, and get a hell of alot more than 2 hours of sleep. back on the game issue, does it make much sense that a easy to play, not very much thought involved game would use more brain stimulae than reading a good book you just can't seem to put down? i usually only chat for the last hour or two before getting off anyway. and i'm usually up another hour for bedtime stuff, such as brushing teeth, and weights. The whole time we were discussing those he was getting anxious telling us hes not gonna argue with us, we either listen to him or dont. we're trying to get some information on why he wants us to do those. Finally we leave, and the doctor gives us one last protip, but this one at least has some sense to it later on as i search the benefits of milk before bed. (it creates amino acids that turn into two body substances that relax the body and induce sleep) and in the car my mom mentions she heard somthing about a proceedure he was in, because the nurse came in once and talked to him and it sounded he was needed elsewhere. my observations, either he was very undereducated (i recall hearing he was new in the building.). hes giving us advice on HIS problem and not mine(maybe hes the wow addcit?), he was too occupied with some other patient and so he wasn't really focused on my problem? He never took any tests or blood tests or anything, and basically kept stating "what would i pursue? insomnia is a very complicated area, you have to start at the begining to diagnose it" needless to say, i'm getting a new doctor and i'm going to try my own remedies, one being milk before bed, the other taking a brisk walk in the morning.

i've just been informed my aunt went in to see the same doctor today for morphine withdrawl because they took away her perscription, shes got all kinds of side effects and the doctor was very arguementive and didn't do anything to assist. we are definately schedualing a new one, i'm starting to really droop through the day, my body cant make it to my bedtime and every day i seem to go to sleep earlier and earlier.. wont be long before i'm sleeping in the afternoon.. i use the term sleep very losely, the broken 2-4 hours i manage..

edit, sorry.

I think i got 6 hours of sleep last night! it might just be a foggy memory, but i dont recall ever waking up last night. i hope it keeps improving ! not sure if the med kicked in, or if what i did improved it, but all i remember last night wasn't about sleeping, i kind of dismissed the worry about it, and just thought to myself, i just need to relax.