A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

What did the zero say to the eight?......?......? Hey nice belt!

Did you hear the sad love story of the two blood vessels? They loved in vein.

a blonde was cutting weeds with a weed eater and she accidentally cut off the neighbors cats tail and the neighbor said OK what do you plan to do about this and the blonde said Im gonna take the cat to Wal Mart the neighbor said what the ?? Wal mart What for and the blonde said well, they are the biggest 'retailers' in the world ,, duh,,

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent". They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent". They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in"!

"Q: Is one permitted to ride in an airplane on the Sabbath? A: Yes, as long as your seat belt remains fastened. In this case, it is considered that you are not riding, you are wearing the plane." Source and further information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_humor

a redneck is trying to go to collage but he can't read so he could only take math pe and lodgic. he didn't know what lodgic is so asked the professer. redneck: hay can you tell me what lodgic is professer: I'll give you an example, do you own a lawnmower? r: yeah why? p: well since you own one i can lodgicly asume you have a yard. r: your good, bet you can't do that again p: okay since you have a yard i can asume you own a house then i can asume you have a wife and then i can asume your strait that was enough to please the redneck so he went to his friends house friend: so what classes are you taking redneck: i'm taking math, pe, and lodgic f: whats lodgic r: well do you own a lawnmower f: no why r: that means your gay

nancy for you anything you ok ? Health & Fitness - The Truth! Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

how do you hurt lady gaga..? you pokerface. :P