Do you have friends or family who can help you? If he is to change, you will both need help. There are organisations in various places which help people in situations like yours and you should certainly look into this option. If he is unable or unwilling to change, then you will have to leave him; it will be less bad for your children to grow up with their parents separated or divorced than it will be to see you fighting, if it is as bad as you describe. Very best of luck in sorting it out.

You need to seek help for both yourself and your children. Do you have family around that are supportive? Is there a shelter where you could have time out with your kids to seek counsel? This is not a decision that should be left to your children because they cannot possibly understand and of course don't want their family separated, but you must do what's best for them. What's best for them will be what's best for you. God bless you.

Emotional abuse is hard to prove. Physical abuse is not. An abusive relationship is never acceptable, but do not leave without the children. Even if they don't agree, find a safe place, file reports when it happens. Without police documented histories it is hard to get a conviction and support in the legal system. You need to get away, and if you need to communicate, do it by phone or with a mediator.

Talk to real councilor, please. Answers here are good, take advice and talk to someone. Don’t delay. There is no point in continuing in an abusive relationship. Do what is best for you. If children are old enough to give you suggestions, they are old enough to understand why you are taking the step you would.

if you want what is best for your children you will leave. you should not have your children in a place where they see this type of violence. if you stay, you are just teaching your kids that this is right and its not. i say run away...right now it might just be him hitting you with his fist, but you dont know whats next...he could come home one day and decide he has had enough and kill you in fron of your kids, who's gonna take care of your kids then. i know its not easy, specially if you love this man, but sometimes the person you love can harm you in all ways...let him go, there is someone out there who will love you and your kids the way god meant. GOOD LUCK

leave him. you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. abuse(emotional or physical) is not right. get help and see to the safety of yourself and the children.

This is a very difficult situation, your children do not want to leave but they are watching their Mother be abused and humiliated, this cannot be good for them psychologically. it is certainly not good for you or your self esteem. Can family help you? I think you need some professional help I know that is difficult but you have taken the first step by asking for help even from strangers Your children cannot decide your future for you all , they are young and too emotionally involved in the situation

In my opinion, abuse is never okay and just because you have children that is not usually a good enough reason to stay. There are some things you shoudl always remember: You are the mother of your children. If something went terribly wrong, what would they do withouth their mother? Or their father? Children watch and listen even when you don't think they do. They learn that it is okay to hit/be hit, because they saw their parents do it, and their mother put up with it. They also often learn that their mother is someone they themselves can hit and abuse. What if the husband decides to hit the children as well? I know that divorce is a very, very hard thing to do, especially if you particularly religious as many religions do not believe in divorce, but sanity and health are very important. Also, you are the parent, and if you decide that divorce is what is necessary, then so be it. It is not the child's responsibility to decide what happens in your relationship. Please, dont be another statistic. Get help before something happens. If it isn't really bad, stop it before it does. I commend you for the guts it takes to be a mother, and to do the right things to keep your children safe. It is never an easy job.

Kids are too young to understand the full scope of adult problems, and they shouldn't be made to deal with them. You know you need to get out of this, and that staying with this man is NOT what's best for the children. What's best for the children is to have their mother ALIVE, which may not be the case very soon if you don't get out of this relationship RIGHT NOW. You may have to deal with some anger or resentment from the kids at first, but they will soon come to realize that life is much much happier without ol' ironhand smacking Mom around all the time. You MUST, for your sake and the sake of your children, get away from that man! Remaining in an abusive relationship is not only dangerous, it's unhealthy for the kids to witness. Do you want your kids growing up thinking it's okay to physically hurt other people when they're angry? If you have a son, do you want him to grow up to be a wifebeater like Daddy? That's what will happen if you don't break the cycle. Show your kids that you care enough about yourself and them to make a better life for all of you, away from this violence and misery.

What is best for your children is to live in a safe and secure environment and to be shown through example how to treat other human beings. It is NOT even close to being good for your children to be taught that they are the reason for thier mothers misery.

Work on your escape plan. Tell someone you trust. Implement. For help, go to: http://www.ndvh.org/ and/or call them. Break the Silence, Make the Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) Do it today. Nothing will change until you do.

When you've talked to him about his abusive ways, has he admitted to it? Because if not, most likely it may escalate. It's best to leave the situation while you can. I understand how your kids feel and what their going through, but you also have to think to yourself, do I want them to be the same way in a relationship? Hopefully your kids are real young, because it won't be as stressful. Whatever the case, the best thing is to leave to a place of safety, where your husband cannot find you. I'm speaking very honestly, because I was in a similar situation. My ex-husband was a little off, and he was very controlling and possessive, and mentally and physically abusive. One day, he was going to gone to California for 3 days, and I was encouraged to leave him then. Yes, it was very hard, because I didn't want to be without, and I was very afraid, but I was finally convinced. I had family in Oregon, so that's were my kids and I moved. I tried to leave him 3 different times, and always came back, but this time I left him for good. It was the best decision I made for me and my kids. My kids love him very much, and I never talk about him badly, I only speak good when they want to know anything. If they have any questions about the situation, I answer it to the best of my ability, without being critical. Things will get better for you, and God will provide you with the things you need. You are more than capable of doing it on your own, with friends and family involved, and most of all God is on your side. I want to also add, there are women shelters around also. This was something I never wanted to do, but when you gotta do it, you gotta do it. I started working a month after I got here. I moved out of my Aunt and Uncle's home with my kids into an apt, and have been stronger and stronger since. It was the first time, I had ever supported myself. I am somebody, and I can make it, and do it, just as my Father always told me. This goes for you to. Never underestimate yourself. Your kids will always love you.

This is what I wrote to someone who asked a similar question to you: Okay, normally the welfare worker in me would kick in and I'd be all neutral. However over this, I struggle. I'm not judging you. It's hard to leave an abusive relationship - sometimes you'll leave then come back because they swear they'll change, they say they can't survive without you, they woo you and romance you back, they change jobs and say it's stress, they move and say it's the area and their old friends, they threaten to hurt your children if you don't come back. I'm not sure of your situation - ie, is he hurting you only or your children as well (physically speaking)? You can be guaranteed that if he's treating you badly that it's impacting on your children. They soak up everything. Staying in an abusive relationship affects your children severely - they are impressionable and you could be teaching them all kinds of lessons you don't want them to learn: -that it's okay for dad to hurt mom -that mom has no self-worth -that we kids have no self worth either -that mom doesn't think we kids are worth protecting -that it's our fault that mom's getting hurt and we need to be better kids -that we can't trust the world to ask for help cause mom certainly doesn't ask for help -that when we grow up we're either going to abuse our partners or be abused -that when we grow up we're going to inflict abuse on ourselves by getting into bad relationships with friends, lovers, family members -that this is NORMAL and we shouldn't worry about the abuse that Mom is undergoing -that it's a great way to deal with our problems so let's beat up kids at school, bully our teachers or allow ourselves to get beaten or bullied cause that's what happens at home and it's fine at home so why not at school? Okay, so I'm sure you get what I'm aiming at right? You are an adult. You make your decisions to stay or leave. Your children however are minors. They're not able to make those choices. You, as their legal guardian can be held responsible for not protecting your children and in fact by allowing your children to remain in the current environment is leaving you liable for ading and abetting abuse. Sorry if the picture I painted is too heavy but it's only a small piece of what you're in for if the situation continues. Also, as SimplyKate stated, you should be proud that you've taken the first step to seek advice. But now it's time for you to be the adult. Your kids don't want you to leave your husband that's their current level of understanding and experience talking. Do not let them dictate what you do. Your job is to ensure their safety at all times and you cannot do that at the moment - your kids are exposed whether they or you realise it or not. And you're right to not want or like the abuse. No woman who stays in an abusive relationship does so because she's happy with the abuse. No-one wants it or invites it or asks for it. You've said he hurts you infront of your kids. That right there is reason enough to leave. And take the kids with you. They may hate you for a while, hell, they might even hate you for years but that's fine. It will hurt you that they're that upset with you and it will upset you when they take it out on you - you'll feel like you were back with your husband if they become really spiteful and emotionally abusive but at the end of the day, once you leave, your conscience is clear. That he has abused you infront of the children means he will kiss his chance to access the kids goodbye (providing you get a judge who is understanding and ethical enough to see that). Have a plan - pack bags of stuff for you and the kids. Start squirrelling money away and hide it also. Buy a mobile phone and program emergency numbers in it and put credit on the phone and lock it so your husband can't use it to find what's on it. Talk to a friend, get them to help you with a getaway plan. Get your stuff to them somehow - even if it's via bags of clothes they 'borrow' (if your husband is around and present). Then when you've got an hour or two free from him, go.Get packed and leave. Best time to do it is when the kids are finishing school for the day. Go collect them, have a friend meet you there and take them away. Sorry to be so dramatic about it but you need a plan that you can put into action.And don't think your being a bad parent or denying your husband. You're stopping the cycle of abuse once and for all and your husband by his behaviour has given up all rights he used to have to access you and your kids. One other thing. When able, take photos of what your husband does to you - nothing like pictorial evidence and a written diary of the abuse to help you in court. Also see your doctor or find a new doctor if you don't trust the old one to not let your husband know. I think you're entering into what's called the change cycle - it's where you make a decision that you want change and you're now up to the 'contemplation stage'. Keep going with it and remember, you may not have the courage to leave just yet but start planning for it and you'll be ready when the time does come.

Okay...i'm not sure exactly where to begin. Someones got to say it to you bluntly, if you stay in this "reltaionship" then you mess up your children's life as well as your own. Everyone can tell you, which i'm sure you have heard, "oh get out now, before its too late". And do get out...by all means RUN! You are the only person who can look out for you, and only you can safe yourself. Yes you're a mother, but you are also a person. Adults are just teenagers in an older looking body, some have just lost themselves...You're just human, and sometimes recognizing something is hard when your in it. But no matter what kind of abuse it is, ITS NOT OKAY. Say it to yourself every minute you look into his hollow eyes..ITS NOT OKAY. Theres some man just waiting for you to come around to him, and love your children. Did you ask yourself what you think you deserve? Right now your telling me you deserve dirt...the most disfunctional man and husband. God, have you ever met the great guys out there? The ones with big hearts. I will tell you right now what is best for your children, that they do not have any contact with your husband. I think often girls who watch there mother being beaten, learn that that is what they deserve. You set an example for those children. You have to teach them that what there father does isn't what mommy deserves, you have the chance right now to show them the great part of life. Its amazing the way you can touch someones life. God never wrote in the bible, stay with your husband even if he beats you, because i said for better or for worse. Your husband is the not a part of good but a part of evil. A man is someone who respects there woman. Honestly, you do need to get some help, and learn to grow confidence. I can just tell that you lack alot of self worth, and you need to see for yourself that you need to dig deep into your soul and find that. Of course you can't find it alone, so you need to someone that you can be honest with. Its tough having confidence these days, lots of things attempt to bring you down so low that you don't feel like you can pick up where you left off, but u can! Theres hope somewhere in you. Leaving him is right, its the best step you will ever make in your entire life, and i can promise you that not even by knowing you. Your children will understand as time goes on that you left him for a good reason. I have said all i can possibly say to you. Life is waiting for you...so keep going and walk out of there proud. Keep your chin up, and forget about whatever anyone elses opinion is. I know you know whats right and whats wrong. Follow the heart...its honest.

Good luck. In my opinion, leaving is the best thing for you to do, no matter how scary the prospect of that may be. It's your life and you have a right to be happy; no one else should be allowed to take that away from you. Abuse is the most disgusting form of treatment in my opinion. Talk to a local womens' shelter, and your family, to see what your options are. No one should have to be put through that.

What your children want is not necessarily what is best for them, and in this case, it's NOT. You all need to be out of that situation. Get whatever help you need, and be very careful. But go.

You gotta go and take the kids. PERIOD. Your children are learning HOW TO BECOME ABUSIVE BY WATCHING THEIR FATHER ABUSE YOU! YOU are at risk and so are your children. Don't wait around thinking about it, don't think it will get better. Take the first OPPORTUNITY YOU HAVE and load up the kids, (already have a few items of clothing in your vehicle trunk IF you can do it without being seen doing it. Grab any medications you or the children are on, and must have. Load the kids up calmly, and do not necessarily tell them the plan. If you can make a call (alone) to your local woman's shelter, have the address handy and drive there. They will help you with the kids, keeping them calm, and hook you up with some resources for counseling, which YOU and the children all need ASAP. Your kids may love their daddy too, and he probably has one or two good qualities. But understand that part of what an abusive person does is to manipulate. And who is more easy to manipulate than a CHILD? You can't leave after he has killed you; and your children will NOT forget watching THAT show. Remember, children do not get to set the rules...the parents set the rules and YOU MUST PROTECT THEM AND YOURSELF NOW. GET OUT OF THERE!

Sweetie~ I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I was in a abusive relationship, and even though I wasn't married with children, it still made my life horrible. My advice to you is to get out of this marriage as fast as you can. You said you want what is best for your children, but your children should not be watching their father abuse their mother. Of course your children don't want you to leave him....that is their daddy, but they will understand when they are older. Please I'm begging you....don't stay in this relationship. The abuse will only get worse and the children do NOT need this in thier lives either. You deserve so much better. No man should EVER hit a woman regardless of what she does or says. Be safe hun and please help yourself get out of this situation.

ok her is the BEST PLAN EVER!!!!!!! the kids are at school u start to make gritts on the stovefor breakfast then your husband comes out then wihle they're are still hot and scorching u say come here baby then when he gets close enough u swiftly u grab the gritts and throw them @ him that'll teach him a lesson!!!!

Abuse of any kind is wrong. All I can say is that you have to do what's best for you. This really isn't about your children if they are not being abused, It is about you. However if your children are in site of this then I should say it is about them to. If you want to try and save your marrage then I would try to get both of you into counciling, If he isn't willing then do what you feel you need to do. Only you can answer that.

I agree with the vast majority of the comments above and therefore all got points from me. The most important thing is that you leave and take your kids with you. Your children are minors and should have no ssay in this matter, but try to explain to them as well as you can your reasons for leaving their dad. Tell them that you won't keep them from seeing him and that they will be safe. They're probably just scared of change. Report this man- he needs to get help also, some anger management or something if he wants to see his kids. Wishing you much strength and perserverance. Good on you for standing up for yourself.

You must seek help and get out of this marriage. Your husband has broken his marriage vows by hurting you and especially in front of the kids who are learning about adult relationships from watching the pair of you. It will be hard work to leave but if you don't have the self-esteem to leave a clearly abusive relationship under your own power, look at your children and do it for them. Leave him so they can know a stable and loving environment and a mother who put their needs above her own. There are many services available to you but most important is to call the police and press charges on him if he hurts you or threatens to. You must do this because he must stop. He is breaking the law and he may permanently damage you. I have a partially detached retina from my ex-husband's antics.

im also a victom and gettign out is the best choice not only for you but for your kids. please heed my words. and the best of luck

Dear its avery pitiable situation you are facing. in such a case u listen to your heart others opinion may not be help ful to u. the day u think enough is enough u are free to take your decision.as children are involved so think of them too .the final choice is yours only yours.

explain to your kids what exactly is happening and what exactly you are feeling... if you want the best for your kids you will leave your husband with your kids because seeing you abuse by your husband will eventually not a good environment for them.. talk with your kids and try to explain to them why you need to do it... goodluck..

I just finished reading a very good book that you might want to read. It's titled "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. It covers such topics as The Nature of Abusive Thinking, The Abusive Man in Relationships (which includes a chapter on breaking up from this type of relationship), The Abusive Man in the World (this section you will find useful - covers abusive men as parents, abusive men and their allies, and the abusive man and the legal system), Changing the Abusive Man. You're the best judge when making this decision - if you don't feel like you deserve to be treated this way and you don't think he's willing or capable of changing you'd probably be best to begin making a plan to leave. You can start by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE and they can refer you to the closest hotline in your area if you don't already know of one. Good Luck!

Leave right now!! I saw my dad beat my mom for years and my head is still a wreck from it all, i used to pray that my mum would kick him out, but on the outside id say i didnt want them to split incase my dad would attack me. If you leave know your kids will thank you 1 day.

It is never ok to be abused and you should leave him as soon as possible. Your kids love him and no kid wants to see their parents split but you can't risk yours and their lives by staying. There is nothing keeping you from hoping and praying that he will get the help he needs and that he may one day be a man you can trust. But, in the mean time you should protect yourself and your children.

in my opinion, it very right to leave. If you think you shouldn't leave, then think about if your child came home bruised up and bloody from their partner beating them, would you tell them to stay and work it out?

I think you should do what is best for YOU. After all you will be the one taking care of your kids, and how can you do that if your always hurt? Besides kids just dont understand the full scope of abuse and it is my belief that if the children learn to see this behavior as normal then they will be doing the same things in their relationships as adults.

I think this is a very touchy situation. You and your children deserve what is best. An emotionally and phsyically abusive husband could scar your children, if he has already. They need a healthy and loving environment. They may not want you to leave him but they are the children and you as the parent need to make the decision that you feel is best. My advice (which is simply advice, the decision is yours) is to make a plan. Don't just up and leave one day without any fixed decisions. 1.)Where are you going to live? 2.)Do you have enough money to support yourself and your children? 3.)Are you going to divorce him? 4.)Do you have a support system? (your parents or friends that can help see you through) These are just a few questions you should ask yourself. But most of all you need to think of the well being of your children.

GET OUT!! It is hurting you kids just as much if not more they just don't know it now. The kids will adjust to it quickly enough but if you don't get out what will happen when it goes to far? You must look out for their mental emotions too. Nothing about this situation is going to help them it can only get worse. I am sorry you are in the position of having to do this but you and only you can stop it and get your kids to saftey.

An abuse survivor once told me that there were two factors in deciding to leave someone. First you need to be mentally able to leave that person. The mind can play tricks on you, especially when dealing with the security found in relationships (yes, even in the abusive ones). Secondly, you have to have the ability to leave the person. Can you leave someone if you have nowhere to go and not enough money to support yourself (atleast for a while)? Definitely not, especially if children are involved. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you take action, but in my very non-expert opinion, you should get out.

growing up my father was very verbally abusive towards my mother, and even sometimes toward me. if it helps, im 21 now, and very mature with a 2 year old, and my mother and i both agree that had i not been in that situation most of my emotional struggles would not have occurred. i believe it even still affects me to this day. i think that the kids will not only one day understand, but it will change their lives for the better if you end this abuse

You need to think about what is right for you. Although leaving him may hurt your children, as they get older they will understand. All the best.

If your children see it, then eventually they will understand why you left. It might be years later, but they will understand and respect you for it. How far down the road is enough to leave? what if he started to hit one of your children, would you feel guilt that you didn't leave earlier? I am not trying to place a guilt trip on you, im simply suggesting that you get out before it escalates further. Any father who openly abuses his wife is not a proper parent, and it will end up doing more harm for you and the kids in the end. leave now, there are lots of ways the state/government has helped women in your situation. please do this for your kids sake.

Leave him now, your kids'll be sad at first, but when they grow up they'll understand your decision, and fully support your decision, if you don't they may end up like your husband, and eventually be abusive in the future.

If you don't feel as though you deserve to be treated like this - if you feel like you want and deserve better for yourself and your children then you will need to start checking out the local resources in your comunity who help abused women and begin making a plan for you and your children to safely leave. You and your husband are their examples for future relationships if you stay and let this continue more than likely your sons will grow up to become abusers and/or your daughters will more than likely choose abusive partners for themselves. You don't want that for your children anymore than you want this for yourself. You're the adult you need to be strong for them as well as yourself (and I know this can sound easier said than done at this point because you feel weak emotionally) (that's why you need to reach out for support and they can help you). It's usually not an easy task to leave an abusive partner especially if there are kids involved because he might try to use them against you - and try to continue his abuse by threatening to either take them away or make you fear for their safety when they are not with you - call your local women's shelter and enlist their support to help you and your children through the transition. Good Luck.

Leave yesterday and don't tell him! If you do he'll probably kill you. I'm not exaggerating! To bring children up in an abusive environment has been proved to greatly increase the chances that they will grow up to be an abusive partner as well. Get out now, and don't let anyone know where you've gone,(including any of your direct family members that like him)!

my mom was in a abusive relationship. and the best thing to do is leave b/c it will only get worse and when he hits you and goes back to apologize it's just worse. leave him and tell him to get into anger managment. and maybe in time but dont expose your kids to that it's very difficult living with those thaughts b/c they never go away. just stand strong and leave it is for the best.

get out.

please go to the cops or move out of the house just get help becuase that is not good one day he could really hurt you and it could be deadly! Please also save your and your chlidrens life.You shouldnt go throgh that kind of pain!Seek help make the right choice!

Get help asap, I think your children would regret you not leaving when they find you dead from your husband flying off of the handle one day. About 11 women die each day from domestic violence in the USA, and don't let yourself become one of those 11 women. 1-800-799-SAFE is the national domestic violence helpline I think you should call it and they have people you can talk to to help you through this, and locate an organization around you, some places even give counseling to the abusers so they can get help for their issues.

no time to read answers now.my best advise is to leave now and get an order of protection from the court a.s.a.p.

As the daughter of an abused woman I'm telling you to take those kids and run. Tonight. Straight to he police station to get a restraining order and a place at a shelter where he can't hurt you or the children any more. You're kids are just telling you to stay because they're scared to leave. Just like you are. But they can not be the ones making the decision. You are the mother and it's up to you to protect yourself and them. If you stay these are the situations you are facing. One a neighbor will hear him and call the cops. He will be arrested. And the kids might even be taken from you and put in foster care. He will be charged with domestic violence and you both will be charged with endangering a minor. One count for each child. Two he will kill you. And more then likely your kids will see him do it. And three your children will learn that this is normal and will repeat the cycle in their adult lives. And I know this is not what you want. So I'm pleading with you to get out now. It's only going to get worse as time goes on.

You should get out of it! NO man should EVER abuse you! This is not the right thing for your children! of course children don't want to leave their other parent, but not you or them shoulde EVER have to take this!! This is not good for the children to grow up with abuse in their house! and this is not what you deserve! not ever!!! you should get help from your family and talk to them about it and let them help you!! God bless you and take care of you! youre in my prayers!

if you want what is best for your children then i think you need to get out of the relationship. children are heavily influenced by what they observe growing up, and this shapes the way they think and act in society and relationships themselves. you do not want them to grow up thinking it is acceptable or normal for men to abuse their wives. good luck.

IF you want what is best for your kids then here is your answer your kids need both perants in their life if you stay with him your kids will be happy but you will not and worse case he may kill you and he will end up in jail you wil be dead and he will be gone for good so talk to your kids make them understand that you are leaving for you and their safty and so that they will still be able to have a mother and a fahter in their life just not under the same roof and they are still going to be loved no matter what you just don't want things to get any worse than what it already is.Be SAFE and talk to them.

Take the kids, and get the hell out of there. Talk to a judge. This should be taken to court. At least talk to a policeman. Just sad... I'm a kid who saw that, just once, but i saw it...

Children are often unable to understand the greater picture when it comes to something like this. On the one hand leaving your spouse might upset them initially, but… there is much more at stake here. Remaining in an abusive relationship, especially when children are involved, is not just unhealthy for your well being, it is also extremely detrimental for them. There is always the chance that his abuse will not be limited to you alone which puts them at risk, and there is also the idea that if they grow up seeing one parent being emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive towards the other parent they could take it to be signs of a normal relationship. Children learn by soaking in their surroundings and violence usually perpetuates the cycle of more violence.

Staying in a relationship for the children is a mistake. They learn from what they are exposed to and could grow up to be abusive as well since they will be programmed to accept that behaviour. Counseling is necessary at this stage and if he does't want to do it then just realize that he isn't willing to change. Your safety and the future of your children is at the core issue, not what the children need as they don't understand the bigger picture here. Yes, it will hurt, but the injury that is taking place is more a problem than the lack of a father. You must cherish their lives regardless of their attachment. Again, counseling for you and for them is vital. Seek out someone who can support you through this and realize that it isn't going to get any better unless he changes his behaviour. Perhaps in his childhood such activities were expressed between his mom and father as well and it's a part of his psyche. Protect yourself and your offspring. It's your duty, right and your responsability. Don't endanger them or yourself for another minute. Need help packing your bags? If you feel you are in serious peril, call the police. I know it will be hard, just imaging tomorrow. That is hard too.

You should leave the man immediately. Find a safe place for you and your children, and dont look back. Your top priority should be to your children, and in time you can explain to them why you left their father and that it was for the best. Is it possible that they do not know the severity of what is happening? What you tell them is dependent on their ages, but you need to make them understand that their father is not treating you with respect, and it is something you will not tolerate it. My father was emotionally and at times physically abusive. I was ten years old when they divorced, and I couldnt have been happier. Before the divorce, their behavior was a terrible example for my sister and myself, and I was often left speechless when I saw what she tolerated. Your children may be in danger of accepting the behavior you have tolerated. You should behave in a way you want your children to behave, because they will follow your example. Personally, the only part of the divorce that was difficult for me was the fact that it was a change from the norm. Unfortunately, my mother sought out similar relationships with abusive men after splitting with my father. She has since come to her senses and married an amazing man that I refer to as my dad. I am 17 now. She doesnt know it, but I never forgave her for the abusive relationships she was in after my biological father and before my wonderful (step)dad. Please, for the sake of your children and your own safety, leave your husband and give yourself some time before you date again, to think about what you need and dont need in your life. You DO need your children, your health, and your self respect. Ask yourself what you DO NOT need. I wish you luck and I hope this has helped.

GO, the abuse will eventually reach the kids, they may resent you fro it now, but in the long term your saving them from emotional(maybe phisical) abuse , and how will they feel when they are old enough to understand what has gone on and they were the reason you didn't leave, they'll feel like shit from guilt.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR KIDS GROW I SUGESSTED U LEAVE BCUZ AT ANY HEATED MOMENT ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. SO WHAT IF YOUR KIDS DONT WANT YOU TO LEAVE HIM YOU WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND NOT BE ONE OF THOSE KIDS WHO HAVE TO GROW UP IN A ABUSIVE HOUSE HOLD THAT CAUSES THEM ALOT OF DEPERSSION AND MAKES THEM THINK THAT IT IS ALL THIER FAULT ALOT OF KIDS EVEN COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THING LIKE THIS SOME KIDS WHO GROW UP WITH THAT TYPE OF SITUATION END UP BEING THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS OK BECAUSE THEIR FATHER OR MOTHER DID IT TRUST ME THE BEST THING TO DO IS LEAVE AND DO NOT! I REPEAT DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND WERE YOU ARE GOING BECAUSE HE CAN GET UPSET AND TRY TO ATTACK YOU SO ONCE YOU KNOW YOU ARE SAFE YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO PROTECT YOUR SELF AND YOUR KIDS EVEN IF IT TAKES A RETRAINING ORDER YOU DOO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO NO WOMEN EVER!! DESERVES SUCH DISGRACE A MAN WHO HITS A WOMEN IS A COWARD! so PROVE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT WEAK AND YOU DO NOT NEED DAT ABUSE TO KEEP YOUR KIDS HAPPY BCUZ THEY DONT WANT YOU TO LEAVE IT WILL NOT BE GOOD IF YOU STAY SO PLEASE LEAVE!

If you stay your children will only hurt from the abuse as well. If they are asking you to stay then its sounds like they and you need counseling. I am a mother of four who went through the same thing. Its hard but once you leave it will only get easier, if you stay it will only get worst. If you have little girls you don't want them to be with a man like there father do you??? Teach them right from wrong. If you have son's you will not want them to treat other females bad. You need to show them right from wrong as well. Children are just scared of the unknown, I'm sure they are not happy, when he hurts you your children will bare the burden of hurt for you as well. They say that children of abuse are more immature than those that come from happy families. I agree I have seen this in my own children. I left when it was to late, don't do the same. There is a happier world out there for you and your children. Seek counseling it will make you strong and give you the since on knowing you're right.

If you stay your children will only hurt from the abuse as well. If they are asking you to stay then its sounds like they and you need counseling. I am a mother of four who went through the same thing. Its hard but once you leave it will only get easier, if you stay it will only get worst. If you have little girls you don't want them to be with a man like there father do you??? Teach them right from wrong. If you have son's you will not want them to treat other females bad. You need to show them right from wrong as well. Children are just scared of the unknown, I'm sure they are not happy, when he hurts you your children will bare the burden of hurt for you as well. They say that children of abuse are more immature than those that come from happy families. I agree I have seen this in my own children. I left when it was to late, don't do the same. There is a happier world out there for you and your children. Seek counseling it will make you strong and give you the since on knowing you're right.

If you stay your children will only hurt from the abuse as well. If they are asking you to stay then its sounds like they and you need counseling. I am a mother of four who went through the same thing. Its hard but once you leave it will only get easier, if you stay it will only get worst. If you have little girls you don't want them to be with a man like there father do you??? Teach them right from wrong. If you have son's you will not want them to treat other females bad. You need to show them right from wrong as well. Children are just scared of the unknown, I'm sure they are not happy, when he hurts you your children will bare the burden of hurt for you as well. They say that children of abuse are more immature than those that come from happy families. I agree I have seen this in my own children. I left when it was to late, don't do the same. There is a happier world out there for you and your children. Seek counseling it will make you strong and give you the since on knowing you're right.

If you stay your children will only hurt from the abuse as well. If they are asking you to stay then its sounds like they and you need counseling. I am a mother of four who went through the same thing. Its hard but once you leave it will only get easier, if you stay it will only get worst. If you have little girls you don't want them to be with a man like there father do you??? Teach them right from wrong. If you have son's you will not want them to treat other females bad. You need to show them right from wrong as well. Children are just scared of the unknown, I'm sure they are not happy, when he hurts you your children will bare the burden of hurt for you as well. They say that children of abuse are more immature than those that come from happy families. I agree I have seen this in my own children. I left when it was to late, don't do the same. There is a happier world out there for you and your children. Seek counseling it will make you strong and give you the since on knowing you're right.

If you stay your children will only hurt from the abuse as well. If they are asking you to stay then its sounds like they and you need counseling. I am a mother of four who went through the same thing. Its hard but once you leave it will only get easier, if you stay it will only get worst. If you have little girls you don't want them to be with a man like there father do you??? Teach them right from wrong. If you have son's you will not want them to treat other females bad. You need to show them right from wrong as well. Children are just scared of the unknown, I'm sure they are not happy, when he hurts you your children will bare the burden of hurt for you as well. They say that children of abuse are more immature than those that come from happy families. I agree I have seen this in my own children. I left when it was to late, don't do the same. There is a happier world out there for you and your children. Seek counseling it will make you strong and give you the since on knowing you're right.

From a Christian mans perspective. I grew up in both a physically abusive home and a physically neglectful home. I’d like to tell you that I’ve grown up and become a responsible productive individual whose primary focus is to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. The adversity I went through as a child compelled me in certain directions, which led to more chaos. The more chaos I engaged in the more gratification I sought. My life was a vicious cycle as I’m sure yours is. My question to you would be would you let me come over and treat you the way he treats you? If the answer is yes then you need help. If the answer is no then you know that steps are crucial in order to stop this cycle from spinning into the next generation. My guess is that you tolerate abuse because it was tolerated in your home as a child. I could be wrong. I frequently am. But in order to stop the cycle you must take initiative and flee! Divorce is not necessary unless he is unwilling to reconcile. Since you are asking whats best, your children probably do not know what is best either. Wes Smith

Please, get yourself out of this situation immediately!! This is an unhealthy relationship, and the abuse will only get more and more violent over time. Take your children and leave. I don't know where you live, but I would be happy to research some women's shelters in your area for you if you can not do it yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and remember, God is with you always. Take care of yourself and your children and leave now!!!

What's best for you & your children (whether they understand it or not) is for you to get out! What about when he turns on them, or worse case sinerio... ends your life. Where will your kids be then? You don't want your kids to see this sort of thing either. It will teach them that it is ok for them to be abusive, or to be in an abusive relationship.

What's best for the kids is for Mom to be alive. Go to a safe house and get away from the danger.

um abuse isnt good for kids this is done in front of kids that is not good if u stay worse things can happen (if you have a son) they may grow to abuse there partner abuse is learned and it starts small maybe hitting a kid in school if u love these kids u need to get out why u can i'm sure they want a life time with u and abuse can end that in a drop of a hat your husband is a punk if he needs to abuse u infront of your children i have been there and i had to seek the help of a woamns shelter but in the long run it was best for my two daughters i never want them to grow up thinking it is okay to be a abused by anyone these palces will help u get housing and help u look for employment if needed it was the best thing that could happen tp us and i'm very proud to say i broke the cycle of abuse and as much as i loved him i loved those kids 10 x's more think about it

You are no good to anyone if he puts you out of commission! Save yourself and the children! They could be next.

if you want whats best for your kids then you need to leave your husband. You shouldn't take any kind of abuse exspecailly when he's doing it right infront of your kids. Thats not good for children to see vilonce or any kid of abuse. 90% of children that come from homes that have that in it wind up doingit themselves to there spouses or ect. So The best thing for you and your children is to just leave

Letting children SEE violence like that, especially towards their mother sets them up to accept such behavior for or by themselves. By saving yourself, you are saving your children.

PLEASE PLEASE GET PROFESSIONAL HELP! http://www.awhl.org/services.htm is a place to start.

PLEASE PLEASE GET PROFESSIONAL HELP! http://www.awhl.org/services.htm is a place to start.

PLEASE PLEASE GET PROFESSIONAL HELP! http://www.awhl.org/services.htm is a place to start.

Get out *NOW*, regardless. Act in your *OWN* and your children's best interests. The kids might not seem to know what's going on but someplace in their minds it *IS* registering.

what kids want and what is best for them are often two very disparate things. your children will learn from their father's example. if you have girls, they will grow up expecting to be treated abusively, and will never know what real love and respect from a man looks like. if you have boys, they will grow up thinking that that is the norm and how they should treat women. it's *crucial* for your kids' future relational success that you get out of this relationship and strive to teach them how wrong it is. they do not understand the depth and seriousness of abuse, and for as long as you stand by and accept it (which you are doing by remaining with their father) they will continue to not understand it. abuse should never be tolerated. that said, you do not have to divorce him. you could have him seek counseling, and in time, he may be able to come to a place where you can cohabit with love and respect instead of pain. but until that time, get out! for your safety, for their protection, and for their futures! i wish you the best!

if one of your children came to you with this exact same question what would you say to them? take your own advice leave him, otherwise he might kill you, abuse your children or your children may grow up to think that what you ahve with him is normal and then lead their lives in the same way

Sometimes the answer is in the question itself. How do your kids know you want to leave him? Kids shouldn't know these things and it isn't their business. There are no boundaries in your family - make sure you are creating boundaries for your children. Don't try to create boundaries for your husband because he might abuse you more. If you don't leave you are doing your children more harm then good.

i didnt read the other answers and i hope they all say the same thing but sounds like it cant be said enough GET OUT! It is not healthy for you to stay in an abusive relationsip. It is not healthy for your children to witness an abusive relationship. they may not want you to go cause they love their dad but its better in the end. so long as he isnt a risk to them they can still see him but they dont need to 1. learn that behavior, 2. become a part of that behavior, 3. become victims of that behaviour or 4. watch their mother die (emotionally or phyiscally) because of someone else they love

Listen to your heart and leave today. It is best for the children. If he does not get counseling over a period of 3 months 2 times a week, get a divorce immediately. It was like sitting in a giant ice block in a shadowy room. I was freezing-cold and dark fear surrounded me and filled my body and soul. I can still hear my little brother crying and begging, “Daddy, please don’t shoot Mama. Please don’t.” His words spoke my thoughts and the tears in his eyes mirrored mine that Sunday afternoon. He squeezed my hand and both of us were trembling. The shotgun that our father pointed at our mother’s head was like a giant canon. We were prisoners of war that day, 52 years ago. Daddy, 34, was a good and loving man when he was sober. He was a weekend binge-drinking alcoholic who always stayed out until his favorite bar closed every Friday and Saturday night. He didn’t store his whiskey or beer in the house but we knew that he kept a bottle hidden somewhere in the garage, garden shed, or a similar hideaway. When we arrived home from attending church that day, he was drunk---not happy-drunk, but mean-drunk. Mother, 32, always prepared part of the Sunday dinner before we left for church. Consequently, it didn’t take very long to serve it. She asked me to help with the task, I believe, more because she didn’t want to be alone with Daddy than because she needed my help. My sister and brothers disappeared somewhere until called in for dinner. Everybody wanted to avoid being near the “drunk.” A study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse found that “Children of substance-abusing parents are almost three times more likely to be abused and more than four times more likely to be neglected than children of parents who are not substance abusers.” Add to that the fact that children of alcoholics, especially the oldest child, often become adults who are substance abusers. And, they often replicate their parent’s domestic violence. The horrific scene of that Sunday afternoon is still etched in my memory and stamped on my heart. Four prisoners-of-war, ages 9 to 14, we were sitting on the couch in our living room watching our father and our mother, the fifth POW, sitting in chairs facing us while he held the barrel of a loaded shotgun aimed at her face. Every day, children are held hostage, terrified and abused in their homes. The abuse is physical, psychological, emotional, and verbal; just as it was in our home. When parents terrorize their children, the severe emotional child abuse is traumatic and invisible. A report by the Florida Center for Parent Involvement says, “Although emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse, it can be harder to identify because the marks are left on the inside instead of the outside.” Can be read at www.selfgrowth.com by typing in Fear Imprisons the Hearts of Children (I wrote it and give permission for the above section of it to be used on this question and site.) The first year of marriage my husband hit me one afternoon and I demanded strongly that 'ever again' and I will leave you. I had learned that week that I was pregnant. The 13th year of our marriage, he hit and almost strangled me to death twice in one month just after arriving home from 'counseling' with our paster after we had had a dozen appointments together. Two of our children heard all from their room downstairs and also they talked about it. (I learned that after the divorce.) The emotional damage to them was hurtful and unforgetable. I left the next day with our 4 year old and the divorce and sale of our home (a true loss for older children) and moved to the next town. He had every other weekend visitation and every return of the children ended with an argument. Fear of his sudden anger or being killed as several area women and children had been killed, I moved two states away, " back home" then great job, moving to job, staying two years until the 1% tax initiative was voted on and I was the highest level that the City of Davis, California had to terminate so I returned to Idaho. The anger never happened again. In fact the second year back, I invited him in for Christmas dinner with all the family when oldest child was 15. Those two children were always affected by the fear and the divorce but the fear of pain never left them, even with a lot of counseling later. It happened two evening but had traumatized the them My youngest daughter, has often told me, "Mom, thanks for raising me as a single mom. I'm glad I wasn't mixed up like my brother and sister. Besides, you taught me to how to be the good mom I am today. And thank you because I now understand how much you love me then and now---because I love my precious daughter, 3 months old. (and that love and wonderful mothering has continued.) Read my article about this at writing.com under best4writing) Truly, it was in the best interest of my children that I divorce for their sake instead of staying with a sudden hot-temptered husband. Same will be true for your children

what is best for kids is NOT to be in an abusive enviroment!! its also good for them to see their mother healthy and happy and their father dealing with his problems in a different manner. it would be totally right and best if you left him with your kids and if he got help and tried to deal then perhaps be a part of your lives again. becareful though the abuse cycle is really tricky and its easy to get sucked in again... i wish you the best of luck.

Leaving him would be the right thing to do. Not only for yourself but for your children. If he's abusing you in front of them, your children are going to grow up believing that that behavior is acceptable putting a strain on their future relationships. If you have daughters, do you want them to be in a relationship one day where they tolerate the same things you are? And if you have boys, do you want them to be in relationships where they are abusive to their significant others? Think about it, there's much more at stake than just your health/sanity.

By staying with him, you are degrading yourself, you have no confidence in yourself, you hate yourself as he does. And you are co-dependent. You think you can't make it without him. And it teaches the children to do the same thing, and violence is ok, so their going to do it too.

i personal opinion ... get the children and leave ... if he is like this with you .. whats stopping him from doing the same thing to the children ...

Your children should not be able to make such an adult decision and it is unfair of you to put this on them. As an adult, and a mother, you need to make the best decision for your family. You need to have confidence and bravery. You may not feel that way, but it will help your children immensely if you tell your husband that he cannot do this anymore and that you will not take it. Call the police if you have to. Don't be afraid of asking for help. You will become your children's hero. Your children are secretly begging you to stand up for you and them. Good luck to you.

leave him its not worth putting yourself in danger plus the kids will understand when they get older.

My father was physcially abusive towards my mum, what are you teaching your kids by staying with him? He used to hit me now and then. What do you want to teach your kids? If you have a daughter would you be fine with her sticking with her husband because he smacks her black and blue? She'll stick with him because she saw you do it. My father hasnt hit my mother for 2 years now, we still live together, Im 22yrs old. I beat the shit out of him for the first time 2 yrs ago, whilst I had been out he had beaten up my mother. He knows not to touch her in my presence, or while Im out, because I'll know when Im back from work and ill batter him. but what happwns when I fly the nest. YOur kids dont need the worries I have, if they dont have them yet they will some day. Your husband is not a man, men DO NOT hit women. Scum, filth and cowards hit women. Leave him for yours AND your childrens sakes.

I do not know how long you have been married or how old your children are.If you came from as abusive home or not. It is really easy for people to say just leave him, But the truth of the matter is they are not in your shoes. It is hard to leave someone you love, and I am sure he has made you feel that you cause him to abuse you, you deserve what you get, nobody will want you, you can do no better, sound familure. Their is a circle of abuse. It is called power and Control, the person uses threats, intimidationj, emotional abusive, isolation, blaming, they use the children, male privilege and economics( withholding medical attention, food, money) Then after he dose this he is sorry, it will never happen again, then he will buy you something or be very nice for awhile, this is called the honeymoon faise, then it starts again, each time it gets a little worst. then when he can not get to you anymore he will start with the kids, then you will leave, and the truth is that it takes you to leave him at least seven times before you will leave for good, unless he hurts you to bad and you are forced to leave. Just remember that nobody has the right to made you feel bad about yourself, or hurt you, you are not responsible for anybody actions or emotions but you own. It was proven that children as young as a few days old are affected by seeing or hearing the abuse of there parents, and that it causes things like adhd and add in children. Thier are many of resources on the web on domestic violence and i give you props for taking the first step in admitting that you are an abused women. Take care and I hope this hepls, you are not alone.

Get out!!!! RUN - RUN - RUN - RUN - RUN - RUN

Do you want the kids to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior, especially if they're boys? Do you want them to possibly lose their Mother to abuse and their Father to prison? It appears that you're concerned with everyone's wellbeing and happiness except yours. You know if there is a possibility of this improving or not. Any chance of marriage counseling or anger management? This is your decision but I suspect you already know the answer.

if you stay with him and you have girls they will learn that it is ok to take abuse from men and if you have sons they will learn that it is ok to abuse women. i have been down that road and i know this for a fact, please get out you can find someone who loves you that will not abuse you

I'm sure you've grasped the idea from these posts that there's no other way around this. Your issue is an all too common one, and quite honestly, I'd hate to see or hear about you staying with this "man". So, I'll spare you what you've already been hearing here and make it simple. Leave him. Now. Begin repair. Begin life.

I do not know how old your children are, but children do not always know what is best for them. You are the parent and you need to make sure your children are safe! Your husband might not be physically or emotionally abusive to them now... but things change. As I am sure you know, (I am sure he wasn't always like this to you.) You children want what they know. I can understand that, but what you need to understand is that you children are seeing this as ok... acceptable. In the future, do you want your son to do this to his wife? or Do you want your daughter be get into a relationship where she is treated like this and thinks it is ok? The enviornment in which we live plays a large part in our character.... Good luck, and be strong. God bless!

What ended up happening? It's been a few months, did you leave?

I read several of the answers, but it would take me days to read all of them so, I just hope I'm not repeating anyone else. If I am, sorry, but this is something important that should get to you. Obviously, leaving is absolutely necessary. Abuse is intolerable and for him to be doing it in front of your children...ugh. "Men" like that make me sick. That piece of advice I've seen on here plenty. Also be SURE to call that National Domestic Violence Hotline that has been mentioned a few times. What I haven't seen is that you need to talk to a lawyer. Leave first, and don't tell him that you're leaving/where you're going, and make sure no one who might tell him knows, either. You just need to disappear for a little while; it will upset the children, but it's what will be best for them. After you've gotten yourself settled at a hotel outside of town or something, call a lawyer. Tell them your situation and ask what your options are as far as divorce and custody and what you need to do to prove your case. Because, no matter how much your kids don't want you to leave, the bottom line is that in order to save them and their futures, you need to get out now, you need to take them with you, and you need to remove their father from their lives as much as possible. I know that may sound awful, but he is a completely negative influence to your children (and to you, obviously)and if they continue contact with him it will permanently mess them up. They may take issue with it, but eventually they will learn that it is for their own good. Don't bash Dad, just tell them they can't see him because he had to go away or something. Hopefully, if you play your cards right, this bastard will end up in jail. Also, you need to do whatever you can to disappear from him, at least for now. He can't know where you are because if you do, he'll probably do one of two things: come to you crying and apologizing and try to get you back, (which you CAN'T agree to under any circumstances), or find you and beat the snot out of you and your kids (God forbid). My sister was in an abusive relationship and when she tried to end it, she found herself wrapped back up in it several times later on because she kept in contact with him, tried to "stay friends." When she did that, he would always manipulate her into being with him again, and suddenly she was right back where she started with no real idea of how it had happened again. Abusive people can be clever; they'll do what it takes to get you back--play on your good nature, your guilt about leaving, your guilt about the kids, your fear, anything they need to to get you right back in their toxic web. Get out, for sure, but the main thing is that you STAY out. Let us know how it turns out, best of luck to you and your kids.

Leave that man right away please. Your kids will understand soon or later. They may be very angry at you for awhile, but keep on reassuring them and loving them through it all. It will be tough, but in the end everything will be ok. Remember your kids need to be around good role models. If they see their dad being abusive to you, they may react the same way with their eventual spouses. Please run while you can, things will only get worse.

leave him. you deserve the best life you can have. you may think staying is the best but chances are he will end up abusing your children too. he could abuse them any way from hitting to emotional to sexual. i would leave and notify authorities of what he has done.

Leave, leave, leave, leave, leave!

I understand what it is like to be a woman with kids in a abusive relationship. I would leave and tell myself I would not return. I found that emotions and feelings are very deceiving as they spoke louder than my screams. My turning point came when my daughter had informed her grandfather that she witnessed her mommy being choked. I realized just what I was doing to myself and to her. Yet, I questioned myself about the obvious...leave this man alone and go on with my life if not for myself than for my child. As of recent, I am working through the withdrawal with the help of God and my daughter. My advice to you is, "the devil is roaming seeking whom he may devower and his mission is to kill, steal and destroy"...when you know the trick of the enemy you can prepare for the battle.

LEAVE HIM!!!. It's not good for you or your kids. Do it in a discreet way so he does not hurt you will you and your kids when trying to leave. Go to the police, and sue him to get custody of your kids. Any man who hits a woman is a coward. It's all in my mind. Don't have to take that. You can do fine on your own.

There is no choice here. You are in danger and you are endangering your children by keeping them in this unstable atmosphere. If you choose to stay in this type of relationship, you have yourself to blame if your children grow up to be mentally unhealthy. Your husband needs help and it's something you cannot provide or decide for him. So until he decides to seek the help he needs, you need to take the children and go. If you cannot be strong enough to do it for yourself, you need to be strong enought to do it for your children. I speak from experience. I couldn't leave my daughter's father because I was so blinded by love, but once he struck me in front of her, once meaning one time, I knew it would NEVER happen again! Kids are innocent and they don't deserve that from their parents.

Call the police now. The police will also be able to help you find a safe place. Let him go to jail for at least a night. You need to take control from him on this one. If your kids are seeing this activity, they are statistically likely to do it, or expect it themselves. You need to take a move on this. If you need any help, just say so. You have thousands of people here that are ready to help. Emotional support is the best I can offer. Perhaps there is someone here that is in your area that can help you find a safe place. Are the kids OK? Are you OK?

Your children need you!!! You need to protect you so you can prtect them. Sometime we face very hard decisions in life and only you know the answer. Seek professional advice, and possibly therapy for you and your husband. Staying with him is not best for your children if he is abusive with you it can and will continue with them one day. My advice is seperate ferom him and work with a therapist for a better tommorrow if he values having a family he should be open to couseling.

First off, let's clear something up, you are not married to a man. He is a weak cowardess sould who tries to eliminate his own feelings of insecurity by creating himself a position of power by abusing you. My bet is that he would whimper like a school girl if a real man stepped to him. He knows this and so he puts you in that position. Get out of this relationship while you still have the opportunity to realize what real love is, because you are NOT going to find it where you currently are. Trust me, in the long run it will be better for your children. For God's sake do you want them to grow up desensitized from seeing it so often that they believe it to be common place?