ANSWERS: 4
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I would say one of the best things to do in this kind of circumstance is to let him know how it's making you feel. He's probably not doing it intentionally. Be nice about it, but don't make yourself appear to be ok with it.
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Sometimes it's tough for a relationship with a parent to make the transition to adulthood. In your case, I suspect the problem is that you haven't yet learned to set "boundaries" with your father and enforce them. We all need to be able to "train" those around us about what is and is not acceptable behavior. It might be that you do this well with your peers, but still have trouble doing it with your father because you're used to the parent/child roles. So basically, the solution is to be aware of when he's overstepping your boundaries and "push back": meaning let him know (gently if possible, but sternly if necessary) when he's out of line. This will be uncomfortable for a while -- and it may come as a shock for him until he adjusts, but it will possibly save your relationship with him. The alternatives are (a) be a victim forever or (b) quit going to see him.
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Go home and let him know you are leaving because he needs to appreciate you. Stay absent for a day or 2 and then go back. Each time it starts just say Dad I have to leave again and this is why. Tough Love. Its hard but will change the relationship with time. Good Luck.
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I was 22, late into the year getting close to age 23, when my mother passed. Sorry, but I had to mention that I had a basically good relationship with my father then, but that this question did touch a nerve with me. I was still living at home, too, after college. Sorry to say he, too, passed on, approx. 1-1/2 years later after Mom did, and after 20 years, I still grieve, almost like in "Mr. Bojangles," a classic Folk song. His death hurt me more;I found his deceased body. Finally, however, I don't fault you for asking the question. Answering such questions here challenges my creativity, even sad questions.
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