Im seriously thinking about it this time.. I hate myself, my life, most people in my life i just hate being around them.. Ive been physically and mentally abused my whole life by my whole family. My parents aunts and uncles have been giving me drugs since i was 12... I think about doing it all the time and how i would do it. I think the only thing that stops my is how much it will hurt my grandma. I mean her bird died and she still cries over that. I just want help with my life and my mental state.. I dont have a way to get to a hospital or anything. Is there a hotline? What can i do. Please help me.

Any ememgency room, police office, clinic. Just get help. Please?

Go to A Hospital imeaditly, they will have many people talk with you, and overcome these feelings. A family member of mine did this, and he is fine now. They will also protect you for a couple of days while you figure this out

Yongbaek, another answer is right. Go to the emergency room and tell them, they will help. You can also tell your counselor at school. Be sure anyone you tell understands the intensity of the situation. This is only one aspect of your life, there is much more to it than just what you are going through right now.

read holy quraan.you will make strong sure.your impotency will run away.

There is actually a suicide hotline... (a quick google search came up with) 1-800-273-TALK... they should be able to help you... there is also a song called 'The Suicide Song' by Bobby Gaylor... It tells you about the things that you would be giving up and missing out on when and if you commit suicide... seeing as you are 19 (your myspace page) you have a choice, you can move away from the people that are bothering you, you can choose to ignore them... you can TALK it over with them because even if they don't recognize you as one, you are an adult and can make your own choices... ask why, why have they been giving you drugs (there maybe a good reason even if you don't think of it as one)... freedom of choice is the biggest thing given to us... the choice is yours but I would suggest that you don't kill yourself, when you get out of this, maybe you can write something and post it on the internet to help others out... everyone thinks about suicide at one point (even if for a few seconds or a fleeting thought), but to get out of the problems you are having it is not a good choice in my opinion... yes you will be ending your problems, but you will be ending something more than that, your love for your grandma, your love for what ever it is that you love... If you are having problems think of ways around them, I'm sure you are a smart person and can make a decision... if it is a bad decision learn from it... make friends... people you like having around you, be nice to them, don't get paranoid about them... There is too much in this world to see, to learn, to experience than to kill yourself before your time... life is always going to have ups and downs (look at the world economy right now it is in a down time) but there are always ways around and even through problems... just open your eyes and take a good look, think about things before you leap (pardon the cliche)... in summary DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE... find something to keep you going... find something that you will love, cherish, and will keep you sane... if you are anti social (and I am too) the best feeling in the world is finding people you can relate to, finding making friends, it doesn't matter how many, you could only have one friend but if they are a good friend then keep them... but keep living there is too much in this world to experience NOT TO KILL YOUR SELF... if you are feeling bad... maybe what you need right now is something that will make you laugh... it will cheer you up easily...

A weapons store.

Have you looked online for organisations who specialise in supporting people with suicidal thoughts and feelings? Many such organisations have websites with their telephone numbers listed and some provide support by e-mail if that's a better option for you. Most important thing is to talk to someone who will give you time and space and acknowledge and respect the feelings you are experiencing. Think about all of the things that have brought you to this point and try to seperate them one by one. Consider how you feel about each single issue - maybe journal your thoughts and then move on and do the same for each issue in isolation. It's often easier to examine one thing at a time in detail, rather than looking at the overwhelming picture. Think about those feelings of suicide - your thoughts, your plans, what dying would mean to you, how you feel about dying etc. and do the same... journal the thoughts and examine the feelings closely in isolation. Breaking things down and trying to deal with one thing at a time can be a big help in moving forward, but don't do it all alone. It's often easier to confide in strangers who are not emotionally involved in your life. Check out those websites if you can and reach out for emotional support - don't try to deal with this alone. Best wishes to you.