I sat with my wife and asked her. We decided that we can define Scottishness (kilt/bagpipes/haggis and porridge - even though the majority of Scots aren't like that), Welshness (male voice choirs from the colliery and loads of double Ls), and Irishness (red hair, green clothes, pint of guinness), and even Englishness (bowler hat, serious, everything timed, tea in china cups), but there is no stereotype we can think of for "Britishness". I need input, especially from people from other countries, to help work out what the typical Brit is like - a mixture of the above of something different.

I had to fill in a form recently - it asked what my "ethnicity/nationality" was. Options for me were "British" and "Scottish". Now, I can't deny that I'm Scottish... I was born here, I live here. So I didn't feel I could answer anything other than that. "Britishness" to me is simply living on this island. Scottishness is something different.

With the help of my own ideas and my lovely book, Welcome to Britain, here are just a few small things that remind me of Britishness -Conifers (living) -Conifers (dead) -Little trains, the strange model ones in parks -Markets, with greasy men shouting and all sorts of rubbish on sale (so uncivilised compared to the continent) -Pets, and lots of them -That weird breed of Pigeon People -Bins of every description -Really bad street entertainment -Ex garages. They are everywhere! -Gardens, from the grand to the hanging basket -Concrete, reminiscent from the 70's and 80's awful design concepts -Cinema-cum-churches. Where else in the world can you get a churgh converted into a cinema? or a church converted into a pub for that matter? WHat next, a church brothel? -Really, really bad public transport. There is no other country in the WORLD that would put up with public transport as late, as unclean, as over crowded and as disorganised as we do -Pubs. We all know there are three people to every pub in the UK -Ornementation. From all the little trinkets in houses to the gnomes in the garden, useless ornementation is in abundance. -benches. Graffitied, broken, they are truely everywhere. Particularly in Bracknell -Mini-fun. oh yes, we have the proper sized stuff. But isn't everything just more fun in minature? -Cafes- Nothing like a truely British greasy cafe -Beaten up caravans- seriously, the more brown the interior, the better -A bank holiday- it pours it down or it is blazing hot to the point of ridiculousness, yet you STILL drag the kids to the coast to all huddle together and moan about the weather. Pure Britishness -The sea side resorts- Some of the grimmest in the world, yet almost religiously we think 'oh, wouldn't it be nice to spend the day in Southsea, or Margate, or maybe even the Isle of Wight?' Then we go, along with thousands of other people, to utter disappoitment that it is just like home, just colder and wetter. believe me, I know, I live in one But what makes britain Britain is the people. But what is typically British with people? Here are some ideas: - A view, a brew and a loo - Fat people with sunburn - Certain Standards But most of all: making the most of it. All of that stuff I've listed, it really sounds like crap. No where else seems to have all that bollocks in their country, yet we embrace it, even encourage it. We laugh at it, make it a part of us. We have these little institutions, little things that make s all British, because all these things are shared out in Britain. Being British is nothing to do with where we live in the UK, or anything like that. Britishness is the attitude, the attitude of 'haha oh well!' Sorry that was a bit long.