My daughter is 17 and has started to go out with a 19 yr old recovering herion addict, what do i do,how do i handle this.
by 
Ron-T
ANSWERS: 11
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You need to sit down and have a serious but calm heart to heart talk with your daughter.
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Give the guy a break! Maybe he is clean and is fed up with his old lifestyle. You should talk to your daughter and politely ask if she is OK with it. If so, leave it alone and welcome him into your family. That may be just what he needs to stay clean!
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I am sure this is very difficult for you but there is a positive in this and that is the fact that he is a recovering heroin addict and not a practising one. She is very young and impressionable so you need to keep an eye on her. Talk to her about the horrors and dangers of heroin and support her if things go wrong.
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Move. Move to another state as quickly as you can. I'm married to a "recovering nicotine addict" and I can tell you that addicts relapse all their life. Nicotine addiction is hard enough to deal with. A heroin addict will absolutely break her heart at a minimum and bring her down with him potentially. An addict is never well. They are in recovery forever and will ALWAYS fight the impulse to start again.
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Try this site, http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm Look through these things and see if they will help you set some ground rules,those which she would see as family morals,family traits,family bonds. If she violates these sets of boundaries,let her know what the outcome will be,stick to your guns,,don't rationalize and enable her,she needs parental guidance not enabling,out of control behaviors to help her make the 'adult' decisions she is beginning to make Don't let her go down the wrong road!
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First you congratulate the young man on conquering one of the hardest addictions out there. Then you reminisce on the many things you have to be proud of about your daughter. Pretty soon you'll be happy as a clam. And, of course, you have to be there for her, should it all go wrong. Hopefully, with support, they will both live long, happy and prosperous lives. Together or apart.
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From the day a child exits the womb, the parents, particularly through example, good and bad, are most responsible for developing the thinking and common sense patterns the child will take on in later life. The parents have the greatest control during the earliest years, but such is reduced slowly as the child moves toward self-identification. The most critical period is said to be between the ages of four and seven, when the child will test and adopt the most successful tactics that will pretty much rule behavior in its later life. You've had 17 years to do your job. Your child is about to enter adulthood. Speak unemotionally with her using your own reason and common sense, hoping she will draw upon the lessons of the past. Do not put up a brick wall, but be prepared to accept whatever next step she elects to take and be prepared to assist her if things go awry. At this stage, there's no starting over. You are about to experience the successes...or the failures...of the 17-year parenting program you followed.
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Praise him to the skies for being in recovery and educate your daughter and yourself on the subject. You both need to be aware and a little education goes a long way. There are many addiction sites and forums on the internet.
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how long has he been clean for?
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You know what they say when a daughter gets married? "Don't think of it as losing a daughter, but gaining a son." So don't think of this as losing your daughter, but gaining a drug dealer to keep your stash well-stocked. :<) Seriously, tell her to remember that she can always come back home, but not with her bf.
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be cruel to be kind and get her out of the relationship. whats worse, her disliking you for a while or her thieving and selling her body to get her next fix?
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