I never really talk to anyone about my problems. I find it so hard to talk to people about the way I really feel inside, even my parents. So this is the first time I have done anything like this. My Problem: I was in a relationship of over 4 years with a girl I had been going out with since School. I had never had any 'real' girlfriends before that and the attention I had from the opposite sex was always 'minimal'. I was never that popular since being a kid. Although we didnt argue, I am now seeing it was never a healthy relationship. We had good times together but at the same time we never talked about any problems at all. In fact most of the time I spent just taking the blame for anything that might have been wrong, saying sorry, and just generally keeping things bottled up and quiet. [ Just so you understand a bit more about me - I have always found it easier to talk to girls than guys. I wouldnt think of myself as a 'man's man'. I am small, skinny and I wouldnt say I was that attractive. I just never really felt that I fitted in anywehere with guys so it seemed natural to be friends with girls. So because I was friends with manily girls, I kind of became like a girl (cuddley, flirty, etc).] Well, Wwe both had friends of the opposite sex and we both flirted with other people and (I understand now) that we were way too close with those people. Anyway, after I started my second year of college (the last year of the relationship), I became very close with a group of girls on my course. I was attracted to a couple of them, but the reason I became good friends and got close was because I felt comfortable around them all and accepted for who I was also and I hadnt really had that before. Although it wasnt a great relationship looking back, at the time I was content. I didnt want anybody else. Then my girlfriend asked us to go on a break to see other people. I was a little upset but I just thought 'its only a break'. Then whilst on a break I kissed one of the girls on my course. I felt excited. It felt so good to be wanted that I got carried away with that feeling. So after the break was over my girlfriend told me that she wanted to see other people. I was upset when she told me but it soon passed. I do think its strange and I dont really understand why I wasnt that upset by it all but I wasnt. After we broke up I got together with the girl I had kissed. It was exciting and new and once again it felt so good to be wanted that I didnt even think about her boyfriend and how it would affect him. All I could think about was myself and the attention. I was very selfish. Then that went a little sour when she became so clingy and constrictive and I broke it off. Then one of my other 'girl' friends from college introduced me to another girl, Laura. She suggested we go out for a drink, which we did and we enjoyed it. After a bit we started going out and then I just went hot and cold with her all the time. One minute I wanted to be with her, next I didnt. I didnt really know what I wanted and this came to a head when my Ex decided to contact me and asked if I wanted to get back together. This messed around my mind. I ended things with Laura and I went away for a little while and then I decided that I didnt want to be with my Ex, it would be stupid to go back to that. Because I thought that, I assumed I was over her. Me and Laura got back together and still after that I continued to blow hot and cold. I did really like Laura and I still dont understand what I was thinking to treat her that way. But once again I messed it up. One night at work (I worked in a nightclub), I met another girl, Amy. She had spoken to me a couple of times but I hadnt thought anything of it but then I started to see my Ex in her. Not in her looks but in the way she spoke and acted and so I just got sucked into her and then one night after work I offered her a lift home and then we kissed. I should have done the decent thing and told Laura but I didnt. Instead I stayed with Laura and continued to text and talk to Amy. I was blowing hot and cold with both of them. I couldnt decide what or who I wanted, I had never had so much attention and never been in that situation before so I didnt know how to handle it. I know now that I should have called it off with both and told them how I felt and then went from there…but I didnt. I realised too late that Amy was just my Ex 'in disguise' and that I only wanted Laura. So then Laura dumped me after finding out what had happened. But she gave me yet another chance and I messed it up again. I mentioned before about being too close and more comfortable being friends with girls - well, although I never found her attractive and I never had any sexual feelings towards her, I was too close to Rachel, the friend that had introduced me and Laura to each other. This came to a head on Laura's birthday when I stupidly took Rachels side in an argument they were having. (After speaking with a couple of people, I later realised how manipulative Rachel is and also the extent she uses people to get what she wants). Again, I got given another chance. Since then, I have been focused on Laura and although I have lied to her and hurt her and told her 'I will change' so many times. It has been all to easy to slip back into the way that I was then. I have made Laura so insecure that she questions everything I do and once she starts thinking about things it keeps going round in her head just building up speed that I am just with her because I enjoy hurting her. She loves me and has loved me since she met me. I really love her too and I dont understand why I keep hurting her. I am not trying to hurt her, I do not want to hurt her. I have said sorry so much that it means nothing anymore. I have tried admitting my mistakes and saying I will change so many times that they also mean nothing. I love her more than anything and I will try anything to change the way I have been acting, to show her that I love her and to regain the trust and to make her happy. Laura has asked me to not speak to her unless I have something new to say, something that will make her want to give me another chance, something that will prove that I do love her and wont hurt her anymore. Like I said, I have said sorry and lied so much that she cant believe me when I say I love her and that I will change and she doesnt want to hear that anymore. Now I fear that I will lose her forever. She said she had left other men for far less than I ever put her through. I know that I have certain problems and behavioral changes that I must make change. I am even willing to go to therapy or counselling to sort myself out. I love her deeply and believe in "us". I dont know what to do. I'm afraid that calling her and going round in circles and saying the same things will hurt her even more and push her away, and I hate sending emails or letters because I have done that before and she doesnt want to hear the same things again. Please Help.

You need to do some serious self analysis. It sounds like you suffer from depression, so going to a shrink should help you with that. They should also be able to help you figure out why you keep hurting the people who love you. It sounds like, deep down, you don’t believe you deserve to be loved at all so you tend to lean toward destructive behaviors aimed at driving people away. Give Laura some breathing space and concentrate on helping yourself first. After a few weeks in therapy, talk to her and let her know that you’re trying to fix the problems. Let her know about the progress that you’ve been making, but don’t try to push her into giving you another chance. Don’t even mention it. If she wants to do that, she’ll let you know. You’ve lied over and over again and it’s going to take a lot to regain any of her trust. If she sees that you’re making an honest effort to change, she may decide to give you another chance, but she’s less likely to think anything has changed if you try to convince her that it has. It’s the kind of conclusion she’ll have to come to on her own. I wish you the best of luck.