Where does help end and "enabling" begin?
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YARNLADY is happy everyday
ANSWERS: 6
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The question is whether you're helping someone become more responsible, or helping them avoid responsibility. Either way, it's "help", but one leads in a healthy direction and the other does not.
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when your actions equate to teaching that person to catch a fish is enabling, anything less but which assists that person out of undesirable situation is help......
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That's a tough one. If your help is helping them, help themselves, then that's good. If you're help makes feeding their habit easier. That's obviously not good. I hate to say it, but it usually involves money. I've been on both sides of the table. You know when somebody's taking steps in the right direction and when they're falling back into the same habits. It's a slippery slope. I hope that helps.
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I don't think help should ever be enabling. It should only always be help that is the opposite of that.
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ask my mother she has enabled me for years by letting me live with her rent free. she kicked me out as of this tuesday
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When you 'enable' someone its because you've been drawn into the drama. People who need excuses to continue their addiction or other damaging behaviour, see themselves as victims of circumstance, as unable to change, as not the one to blame. A drama triangle shows how someone is kept as a victim (willingly or not). Two types of people help to perpetuate the victim status. The obvious ones are persecutors - aggressors who bully, boss, threaten, blame. The not so obvious ones (lots of mums fall into this category) are 'rescuers' - people who rush in to 'help' by taking over. Rescuers feel guilty when they don't rescue the victim so will 'help' even when they don't want to. They kind of expect to fail, too, and although they mean well, everything about them keeps the other person dependant and tells them its OK to fail. A rescuer says ' You can't do this on your own, you need me'. That's not helping, that's enabling.
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