My 9 yr old nephew was really close to his grandfather who is now in a coma and about to pass away..today he wrote "you're all going to die" on paper & put it on the fridge. His father freaked..how would you react? see answer for my take.
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ANSWERS: 7
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my nephew just lost his great grandfather his step grandfather and any time now his grandfather all within the last year. I think the note meant nothing more than him realizing that all people die, I don't think he meant it as "I'm gonna kill you". He was very very close to his grandfather and is just now really learning what death is and it has come all at once on him. His father freaked out when he saw the note and asked my nephew why he posted it and my nephew denied it. I spoke to my sister and we both agree that he is just going through a rough time and dealing with emotions that are new to him. I suggest he see a therapist a few times just to give him an outlet and that both his parents need to sit down and talk to him and explain that death is natural and that the emotions he is feeling are normal and ok to feel. What would you do?
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He is just having a lot of stress. He loves his grandfather, is angry with the world because he is losing him, and is lashing out in a rather calm manner. At least he didn't yell it in a mall. I would probably tell him calmly, "Yes, you are right. We will all die, but hopefully not soon. I would leave the paper right there for a few days then take it down without saying anything.
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you mean if i was the father??i think i would do exactly as you just said get him in therapy a few times and sit and have a talk with him.
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Freaking doesn't do anybody any good. I think it's a good time (and unfortunately a bad time) to talk to him about the facts of life and death. His father can start by telling him the truth. The fridge note is true. We are all going to die. It's important to know that. But it's more important to let him know that we are also going to live for a long time and that living well is the more important thing. What we do with our lives and the people we love and touch is the important thing. Tell him the proof of this is in his reaction to his grandfather's dying. If his grandfather hadn't led a good life, there wouldn't be people around him to love and miss him. If he still has problems down the line, then consider a therapist. It will do him far more good to have this talk with his father than with a professional stranger.
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What he wrote is true. I would not freak out. The child is very sad and in a dark place. It will pass. Making a big deal out of it will not be helpful. I would talk to him and let him tell me about his feelings and agree with him..say something like "I know you are feeling so sad about grandfather..talk to me about some of the fun things you did together"..something like that. Freaking out is never going to help anyone. Happy Thursday! :)
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The child is in a dark place right now, its probably his first encounter with death and he doesnt know how to deal with the realisation that someday everyone he knows will eventually die. Talk to him about how hes feeling and let him feel it. Dont try to put a happy face on it or try to cheer him up just let him be sad and angry for as long as he needs and let him know you're there if he wants to talk. In other words be supportive but let him have his time to mourn in whatever way he chooses.
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He's desperate, angry, hurt cause he got aware he can't change anything. It's nothing to freak out...he just told you what's he thinking about and that he's dissapointed about the fact the people we love die. The way he did it is maybe unusual for adults but completelly normal for children... He is in distress and it's a time to talk with him about life, death...and not just once! It takes time but he'll slowly understand that LIFE IS ALWAYS STRONGER THAN DEATH!
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