It was in 1980 or '81. I bought tickets for the show "Evita" at one of the Center City Philadelphia theaters. I wanted to make a REALLY GOOD impression for "Pat" ("THE Queen"), the lady I was dating at the time. A few days before the show, I took a few of my best suits, a few white shirts and some of my ties to the cleaners. I picked them up the day before the show. I took off the plastic bag from the suits and ties; hung-up the shirts so everything would "air-out" from the smell of the dry cleaning chemicals. The afternoon of the show I got dressed. I looked in the mirror and decided I LOOKED GOOD! I put on my long trench coat. I walked out the door. My neighbor happened to see me. "Harry" said, "WOW, Ron! You look great! Gotta hot date?" I said, "Yep! We're going to see "Evita"". He said, "I hope you have a great time!" I said, "Harry, we're not going out to have a bad time. Thanks!" We laughed. I drove to Pat's. As I was getting out of the car, I dropped my keys. Without bothering to lift the leg to relieve the pressure on the upper leg or seat of the pants, I bent over to pick-up the keys. Rripp (I heard and felt about 3 or 4 stitches give-way on the seat of the pants. No problem. I wasn't worried. I was wearing that coat I went into the apartment to pick-up my date. WOW! As ALWAYS, she looked beautiful! I picked up her coat to help her get it on. It slipped out of my hand. ((("Butter fingers"?))) AGAIN, I bent over. I didn't hear them, but I felt another few stitches give way. I was STILL in the safe zone. We went to see a TERRIFIC show! We talked about where to dine. We decided on a little Italian restaurant in West Philadelphia. I parked the car. As I was getting out of the car, I heard and felt RRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiipppppppppppp!!!!!!!! THERE went MUCH MORE of those stitches in the seat. BUT I didn't know how much. Getting a HUGE kick out of it, Pat laughed and said, "Ehhhhh, ya' got a problem somewhere, Honey???????" I came around and opened her door. She got out, and after closing the door I said, "Nope! Not at all!" Silently, we took some steps toward the restaurant, she said, "OOooh YES, YOU DO!!" As she was saying that, she grabbed the back of the trench coat and ran a couple steps ahead, PULLING THE COAT OVER MY head, causing me to bend at a 90 degree angle at the waist, SHOWING THE WHOLE WORLD MY white briefs between the split of my black pants! BUT OF COURSE: There were a few cars turning in the direction where my briefs were showing. There were a few people walking in the same direction. A couple of cars blew their horns. The people laughed. I WAS DEFINITELY embarrassed! We went into the restaurant. I checked Pat's coat. I didn't know how bad my pants were split. I didn't dare check my coat. I thought to myself: "I'm GLAD I have a change of clothes at her place!" We had dinner AND LAUGHED! For the rest of the evening I HAD TO wear my coat. I didn't know HOW BAD they were split. When we got home, I went to the bedroom closet and got my change of clothes. UNTIL I took off the pants and held them to the light. WOW! VIRTUALLY TWO HALVES! The pants were split from about 1" below bottom of the zipper to ALMOST the top of the seat! I thought to myself, "MAN! You're lucky they didn't split into two complete halves!" I THINK I took the entire suit to my tailor. "Ray" took the pants and looked at them under the bright light he used to see and do his finer work. As he was shaking his head from side-to-side, he said a series of , "Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. The jacket might be saved, but the pants are good for one of two things: Rags or rubbish." I asked, "What caused them to rip?" He said, "I'm going to ask you a Q and you have to be honest with me." I said, "OK. Shoot." He said I'm willing to bet this is what you do: You wear this suit once. Take it off. Don't hang it up. Throw it on a chair or let it sit in a pile. Then when you're ready to wear it again, you take it to the cleaners and get it dry cleaned, don't you?" I said, "Yep, that's pretty much it." He said, "From now on, this is what you should do: You wear the suit. As soon as you get home, you change clothes and hang-up the suit. The suit will be fine the next time you need it. If you want the suit to look fresher, get it pressed. THE ONLY TIMES you have a suit dry-cleaned is if you have a spill or every three to 5 times you wear it. Dry cleaning weakens the stitches and the fabric." I THINK I threw the suit in the trash. Thanks for asking your Q! I enjoyed answering it! VTY, Ron Berue Yes, that is my real last name! Sources: A little stroll down "Memory Lane". "THE University of Hard Knocks" Also known as ("a/k/a") "life's valuable lessons".

me and my friend andrew made a bet on who could emabrris each other the most and he got really intent on getting me back after i put a gallon of lubricant in his back pack. so that next day i left my back pack at his house on accedent and when he gave it back and i went to my locker. BAM. what i do is poor my stuff out then store it in my locker and when i poored my stuff out 3 didlos came with it. the good thing was everyone knew about the bet. but it was bad never the less

I live next to a golf course. I was walking by a hole where a few golfers were standing. I heard someone yell out, "NICE BUTT". Well, I was flabbergasted. Who do they think they are!! Why I never!!! That's ridiculous!!! I held my head up high and continued to walk past. As I fumed, I heard in the distance, "REALLY NICE PUTT!" Oops, my bad!

It was a "metida de pata" as we say in Argentina. I was part of a choir back then and we were going to perform in another town, so I was sitting next to another young woman in the bus. Just a few blocks from our school I saw a tall woman dressed like "Isla Bonita"... Big red flower in her hair, black top, long and wide polka dot skirt (big polka dots)and high heeled shoes. The only thing missing was the "OLé" and she was a Spanish dancer on the run. I was astonished and said in quite a loud voice: "My goodness, what is this woman wearing!!!" "She's my mother," the other girl said. I think she was almost as embarrased as I was. I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Oh, she looks stunning!!"