No. He is not having sex with other people behind your back. Masturbation is completely natural and healthy. The problem lies with your mind-set rather than what he is doing. If you do not like the fact that he masturbates to pornography and are unable to compromise with his wants and needs, leave him. Relationships can not work without compromise.

With the porn, not really except perhaps in a physical way. He obviously has some real need for this, and possibly a sexual addiction to it (not for me to diagnose, but it is a possibility). I suggest for his sake and yours, you go together and talk with a qualified marriage counselor. If for some reason he refuses, then go yourself and you will benefit greatly and get some ideas as to where to go next and what you want to do next with this. I know this is difficult, but with some help, it can be worked out I hope.

Only if you are over-reacting. In fact, your poor reaction may actually cause him to prefer the porn over you because magazines don't judge him. Take a deeep breath and just calmly restate your disapproval. Calmly.

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you've been for 14 years insensible about your partner taste for pornography, you call him a cheater? you just set your rule and off you went with it? did he ever had the chance to fulfill his desire for porn while you weren't there? did he have any window at all? YOU CALL THIS CHEATING? lady if that's the cheating you've had after 14 years of marriage then you have a saint as a husband.

no. calm down. you need to try and understand why he likes it. try to act out some stuff in the video out. you never know, you might enjoy it!

No porn and mastrubation is not cheating. He might have lied but really with your obvious hypersensitivity to the subject can you really blame him? Step back and re-think the situation. Is there anyway that you can compromise?

no that is not cheating. he probably told he was not into that kind of stuff 17 years ago because he knew how you felt about it. maybe you should try to meet him half way. fantasies and acting out fun things are good for a relationship and may even rekindle your sex life. things could have been worse, you could have found a young sexy lady in your bedroom!!!!

I can see how you feel it might be cheating...id call it BEEN CHEATED...he's hid this from you for many years and lied when confrounted...it doesnt make you feel too good....now he knows you know about it tell him to get rid of it...if they start popping up again then is distrust in the relationship and then it's that he's not considering your feelings...yeah sure he's a guy...they like porn...but he has to respect ur feelings it's not to hard :)

Looking at porn is not cheating, everyone needs an outlet for sexual frustration, and it's quite natural to look at a magazine whilst masturbating.

Did he lie 17 years ago or is this a new trick for the "old dog"?

It's not cheating. It may not be comfortable to you, but that would be the reason he was hiding the materials. If you make a huge "hell came to breakfast" deal about it, you will not be encouraging any honesty. I was married 12 years, and a little soft por n on the computer brought our marriage to an end. I have to tell you... With her repressed se xuality and "taboos" pigeon holing our se x life, the break turned out to be the best thing that ever happened in my life. Don't give him the opportunity to say the same thing. Seek counselling and find a common ground where compromise brings you closer to the same interest level. 14 years is a lot to throw away over a little self indulgent wanking.

This is the only answer you need. Women often are confused over man's want for porn and masturbation. But it's not your fault, it's just how we're all hard wired differently. Let me try too explain both views, as seeing something from another angle can make all the difference. First understand that there is there is no emotions when using porn, when he sees the women he only sees their body. To him it is merely a tool to help with his sexual frustration. As simple and disposable as a tissue to wipe his nose. This is not cheating, at least emotionally. Second know that men are extremely more sexual then women. You may be able to go awhile without sex but he can last less then half the time you can. So while your perfectly fine he may be wanting more. This isn't anybodies fault, not his and definitely not yours. It's just nature. If you thought your marriage is good before this, then don't worry, most likely nothing has changed at all. The only difference is how he's coping with his frustration. Now I'm not defending his behavior because doing something like this behind your back was definitely wrong. But then understand that the reason he didn't tell you is that he himself may feel disappointed and guilty about it. Now I don't recommend getting any kind of consoling alone, don't even consider it unless he agrees. Except anonymous online like you've just requested. Now I don't think you should do that because doing so will only multiply his guilt and embarrassment, to the point that it may hurt your marriage. He may feel betrayed by you for leaking this intimate matter, and seeds of disgust may be planted only to come up later in the marriage. Anonymous Internet help is best as nothing is leaked of who he is, and it shouldn't hurt your marriage. What you should do is confront him for hiding it from you. Maybe even letting him know that if he wasn't happy sexually then he should have told you. But remember the only thing that is wrong here is your husband hiding it from you. Because porn like I said is a simple tissue, not a replacement. And to him it probably doesn't even come near to his attraction to you, and it certainly doesn't scratch his love for you. Do try to get him to agree to consoling, because then he chose to and nobody could feel betrayed. If he refuses however don't go to consoling without him, unless the problem gets worse and gets marriage threatening. Remember the implications of going alone to him, but if he refuses and it gets worse then you have no choice and it'd be by far the lesser of two evils.