I don't believe addiction is a part of WHO they are .. Granted some people are more prone to addiction than others .. but habbits can change .. just like styles of clothing, etc. Changing a habbit or addiction isn't changing them as a person, really. At least, in my opinion it isn't.

Vague generalities abound on this topic. "Don't try to change someone" is one of them. What does it even mean? Everything I do in a relationship affects someone else, is that not a change? People change all the time, how do I even know which things *define* another person so I'll know what to not try to change? In other words, the dictum is hocus-pocus, it's mythology which persists because we don't study the matter very carefully. Here's how I see it: - Many human behaviors are conditioned (automatic). It's pretty tough to change those without intense effort on the subject person. Other people have little chance of forcing change, and will just irritate people in most cases. - Individuals can and should assert boundaries about things which are their personal domain, such as religious beliefs, personal preferences, etc. It's appropriate to say "back off" to someone trying to force you to change those. Regarding addictions, it's true that they're usually harmful to the subject, and it's appropriate to care and try to help. But, unless you have that person's cooperation and effort, there's not much that can be done. In addition, even with the subject's assistance, there are limits to what you can accomplish, most of the work is in their hands. It's appropriate to remember that, and to respect their boundaries.

i don't think you should try to change a substance abuser into a sober person. i will not work unless THEY want it and will only frustrate both of you.

It stands as far as you can't change them-their addictive behavior. Yes, love if you can-that's no easy task.. But, that doesn't mean you have to love the pain that they are causing others.

I believe that relationships change people for the better (70% of the time at least).

it's not possible to change someone, the person has to want to change themselves---addictive behavior can be a ton of things not just substance abuse-i think if you are in a relationship you have to know what you are willing to put up with and if it's not making you happy then you should talk to your partner about those things and if they wont at least meet you 1/2 way then you need to reevaluate the relationship. if you are not happy in a relationship then you need to leave.

If someone you care about is going to harm to themselves they need your help and not just stand by and except them for what they are doing

I fell in love with an addict last year. I knew he was an addict when we finally got together. But, I loved other things about him. I had never been with an addict, so I was not prepared for the pain involved. I have come to the point in the relationship where I have told him that I cannot be with someone who uses every day. His DOC is opiates. He's pretty much physically addicted at this point. He told me last night that he's probably spent about 80% of his life high. Based on this information, how can I expect him to get clean just because he loves me? I can want him to change all day long...but I can't expect him to change, no matter what the payoff is for him. I can't threaten to leave him if he doesn't change...all I can do, is just leave if I can't take it. This probably isn't even answering your question. I guess you have to let people be who they are, even if they may be doing something that is harmful to themself. If YOU are in danger because of their behaviours, then you must take control of your life and either accept it, or leave it. I love my guy. I'd do anything for him. But I would never wish this type of fear on anyone else. Good luck to you!

I guess in an ideal world that would be grand, and I guess first and fore most, the person themselves needs to want to change, but often they cant see the wood for the trees if you like. If you love some one, and you feel their behaviour is a danger to themselves or someone else, then it would be less loving not to offer assistance and help. 'Most addictive behaviour is an absence of a positive behaviour pattern in their life, if a positive can be bought in to replace the negative, then all the help you can offer is a step towards future happiness and success, I dont see anything wrong in that ! :)

Women CAN NOT love a man the way he is. He is a project. His lot is to be molded by the woman into an ideal man. Two problems: men love women the way they are. Even when they change. And once a woman's 'project' is achieved off she goes to the next one. You can't help it. You're a woman.

I'm going to answer you honestly. I drink, only to deliver myself truth. I have had health (thyriod problems) that gives my damnedness to god. Otherwise, I'm healthy male, engaged, appreciated by his students (colleaguges remain a mystery). So...IMO as long as they overtly piss you off or try to beat you, let them drink.

The saying is true... I had to find out the hard way as Im sure many people have. My ex boyfriend and I were together for two years. The first part I didnt know he was an drug addict, then he put himself in the hospital for 6 months, almost dying multiple times. I still stayed with him, I thought this near death experience would make him change. It worked for a while, but alas he eventually forgot what happened and went back to old habits. I tried to help him, we went through many many tough days together, I even work in rehab so I thought perhaps I could help him change, or perhaps I thought I could change him or he would change for me. But even my love and patience couldnt make him change, and alas, I had to leave him-even me leaving didnt make him change! Its been 3 months we've been apart and now I hear he is worse then before. But that is something I just have to deal with myself. So in short, you can lead a horse to water, but cannot force him to drink. Love cannot cure an addiction, nothing can but the individual who is addicted. This I saw in my personal life, and in my professional. But there is no harm in trying, as long as the change is for the better and for their personal benifit:), I wouldnt give up that experience with him for anything

hi there, not sure if you wil read this.. ya - you should still still love them as they are, accept them and all that. But you must remember that YOU are first. You can love someone a whole lot and not be able to help them... you have to be able to say yes, this person is awesome and i love them, this person is an addict, this person's addiction WILL take precedent over me.. so protect yourself first as hard as that is. it sucks. addiction sucks, but there are people to talk to that are goin through what you are going through.

I beleive in time always for any changes espicialy in behaviour.give it the time and I'm sure he/she will be fine then.

I personally believe that statement is 4 ppl who have physical deformaties, or maybe slight problems with their character. However if u know sum1 who hs an addiction, this rule need not apply. If u think this way about sum1 u love who has an addiction then their never gonna change. U always want ppl 2 change4 da better especially when it has 2 deal with their health, life and death. I think u should help the person u are talkn about because their never gonna get ne better. Do what u feel is right and try 2 have that persons best interest at heart. Good luck

we must love and respect ourselves first before we can love someone else

If that was true then you would be saying that their addiction is who they are. Which is always false.