- NEW!
by pantydood on October 23rd, 2008
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see a young boy. The priest says "hey, let's go screw that little boy!!"
The rabbi says, "Out of what?"
by Scrappy on October 23rd, 2008
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."
"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one.
"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.
"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they screw you every time!"
by Mary Evans is not mad on October 23rd, 2008
A vaccum sales man knocks on the door. A lady answers it and then all the sudden the man walks into the house, steps on the brand new carpet and drops alot of dog droppings on the brand new carpet. "What are you doing," the lady screams. "I will tell you what lady," the sale man says. "I believe that this vaccum can pick all of this up and if it will not, then I will eat it all in front of you." The lady give him a half smile and asks, "Well, would you like me to get you a spoon?" The puzzled sales man asks, "Why do you ask?" The lady answers and says, "Because I just moved here and I don't have the electric on yet.
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
by TERRYTUKER on October 23rd, 2008
a guy is robbing a bank on his way out the door he stops and thinks oh shit witnesses so he looks at the first guy and says did you see me today the guy says yes BAM shot him in the head so he goes to the next guy and says did you see me in this bank today the guy says no but my wife did
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
by Nova on October 23rd, 2008
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese. [not yo cheese]
Okay, so that joke is incredibly cheesy [pun intended, oh I crack myself up] but I thought it was cute.
by Lunchiebizzle on October 23rd, 2008
What did jesus say when they removed his arms from the cross. Defeat (the feet)
i got a few that are really funny but ill get like - a zillion points or get banned lol.
by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on October 23rd, 2008
Time.
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
why did the little girl fall off the swing set? .........because she had no arms.
by Darth NANAME on October 23rd, 2008
A man walked into a bar and said "Ow!"
by Skirtsnhose on October 23rd, 2008
A baby seal walked into a club....
by Anonymous on October 23rd, 2008
Why don't women need watches?
There is a clock on the stove!!!
by Koz - Passion Perseverance Patience on October 23rd, 2008
A guy gets pulled into an alley by a drunk. Pulling out a gun he pulls out a bottle of booze reeks like the dickens. Pointing the gun at the guy the drunk says, "Take a drink" The liquid is the most putrid concoction he has ever tasted, "God, that's awful!". "I know" says the drunk and hands the guy the gun. "Now make me drink it."
by Will_ay on October 23rd, 2008
Did you hear about my dad?
He died.
by TheRedDragon on October 23rd, 2008
what do you call a black priest? i will leave it there ;)
what's a really good comeback?
by squiggleybop on September 10th, 2010
| 4 people like this
How many men does it take to open a beer?
by cheyennecleghorn on September 11th, 2010
| 2 people like this
First I had a B.M. (big meal), then I had a B.M. (Big Mac), now I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a B.M. What does the last B.M. stand for?
by Special K on September 11th, 2010
| 5 people like this
Is this a funny joke?
by AKNA on September 6th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
Complete sentence: "Yo mama so mean........."
by Jack_S9292 on August 28th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
You're reading Best joke of all time?
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Comments
haha +3
by Nova on October 23rd, 2008