I'm having an affair with a married man. He's almost 20 years older than me. He isn't happily married and hasn't had sex with his wife in 8 years. I probably should feel guilty about it but I don't. Is it wrong?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 17
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How old are you? I would have more to say overall if I knew that.LOL
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I'm 24
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Yes, it is wrong. And now one bad man is tying up two women so two good men are missing out and don't understand why. He'll never feel the urge to solve the problems with his wife if he can just get all the sex he wants from someone else, will he? And what will he do after he decides that you have become too much hard work? There's more to sex than bonking and there is more to marriage than a party and a piece of paper. It's probably too hard to think about when you're in the position you are now in but you really do need to get away and have a long think about such things.
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Is this man getting a divorce? How long have you been intimate with this man? Soon as you knew he was married you should of backed off and told him you call you when divorce was final. See even though he has not had sex with his wife there are other things that may be going on that you dont know about. I hope you dont get knocked-up that would put a twist on things.
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Yes it is wrong. You would not want somebody doing this to you i.e. enabling your husband to cheat so do not do it to others. Have respect for yourself and this man's wife. If he wants to end it, he needs to be strong and end it. Otherwise, he doesn't deserve to meet anyone until he can do what he has to do.
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yes it is wrong, but sometimes we wont see that defect, we are kinda in the same situation bcuz im having an affair with a married man but he is 24 yrs older than me, i know what you are going through, it can be pretty hard especially if you already had fallen in love with him and are really attached with him [as i am now]...but you dont have to be guilty of what goes in his marriage, even though we sometimes we will bcuz the wife, and especially if its those kind, good wifes...its kinda complicated thats how i see
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Please tell me you dont actually believe he hasn't had sex with his wife for 8 yrs. This man is most likely playing you and his wife. She probably has no clue he is off doing anything at all or that her marriage is in trouble. 8yrs and she stays? You never know. Everyones situation is different I suppose. I find it hard to believe though.
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Do you understand what the chances are that he's telling you the truth? One in a million or so. Non-sexual marriages are certainly the exception. In marriages where there is no sex, the partner who is still able to and/or still wants to have sex has to have a darn good reason to stay. Almost always, those reasons are the same reasons that would preclude an affair. Look at it this way. He is lying to his wife about you, about where he is when he's with you, about a million other things. Guess what that makes him. A LIAR!!
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Research shows women often even usually do not feel guilty. So it seems you may be reasonably normal. However you're probably on a hiding to nothing. Married men typically do not leave as promised. Of course it's wrong. It's also one of the best long term plans for grief going.
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wow you are in a situation I dream about my guy - who is married, 20 years older than me, has a kid, and whom I have a huge crush on (I mean huge). I dream that he is not happily married and somehow I have reasons not to feel guilty about acting on my crush. But sorry, I think it is wrong. Unless he is actually going through divorce process, others here are probably right that he is not telling you the truth. You should put yourself in his wife's position to understand what you are doing... but I guess he described his wife in a way that you cannot be so sympathetic..? I will act on my crush if I find out that both he and his wife are, although married, not monogamists. (wish me luck) Try to end your affair. I really cannot judge you since I can understand your feelings a little bit..
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yes i think it is. he is married, do you need another reason to stay away? hes 44... he IS having sex with his wife maybe not often or 'enough' but he will do it sometimes! he is a lyer he is a cheater guilt or no guilt you desserve better then him plz dont hang around for him to leave his wife i doubt he will not for you or any1 else he has no respect for any1 especially you
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I did the same thing and he divorced his wife and now we are getting married. It may not have been 8 yrs since they had sex, but the overall picture is that is wife is not putting out, he is not happy, and he is probably VERY happy that a young, attractive girl is interested in him. If you genuinely have feeling for him, pursue this. Many men in their 40's upgrade to a younger, funner wife.
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Yes its wrong, if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat ON you. Does this man have children - think what kid of example he is setting for them - your father is not dependable- its ok to hurt their mother deeply - so much more. Dont think he wont do it to you too if you get him.
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How long has this been going on with him? Just think of all the lies he has had to tell his wife to cover this up. Hmmm, I wonder how many he has told YOU? He's having his cake and eating it too. That's too bad.
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The man is wrong because he is too much of a coward to tell his wife that it is over and that he prefers to be with you.
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It is nothing to be proud of but then again, I did it and know that it is not usually a planned thing and certainly wasn't something I set out to do one day! I have been with my man. He had been sleeping in separate rooms from his wife for 6 months prior to meeting me and I believe him. He left his wife four months after we met. Three years have passed now and children have adapted and all get on (my two and his two). I had never had an affair prior to him and if I were ever single again, I would walk away for sure, as it is not an easy road to walk. There are lots of complications, hurt(others!) and baggage to accept if this is what you choose. Good luck
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It's terribly naive of you to believe everything he says (8 years my arse!) Whether or not you feel guilty doesn't really matter, you're most likely headed for a world of hurt with this guy. Human beings can be superb liars. Telling you exactly what you need to hear. My father was a sociopath and he could talk you into believing you were wearing a blue shirt when your shirt was clearly red! If he does hurt you, I'd say you deserve it. Should never have messed with another woman's man. Their marital problems are none of your business or any other little girl clamoring for an older married man!
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