M, This might not be the best idea, and I would completely understand if you aren’t responsive. I feel that I want to open the door for communication. I know that your wound is far deeper than mine. I understand now, just how ill Jeff was. The whole thing took me by surprise as the man I met never once showed any signs of depression. I suppose, an act, which clearly he couldn’t continue. I’m not looking for anything. I am extending a hand. I feel we are tied by this tragic event. Not that I can imagine your grief, but I don’t think its anything anyone else can come close to understanding. I am still dealing with the loss myself and lack of closure. I want you to know if there were anything I can ever do for you, I would try.

WOW...it's just so hard to say! It depends on alot of different things.....like were they still married when you met him, have you ever met her, and WHY do you feel the need to contact her? Then I say, it wouldn't be a good idea, even though your heart is in the right place. She is dealing with so many emotions right now, I'm affraid she might take her grief out on you, even though you were engaged, to them you would be an outsider. It would be in your own best interest to remember him with pleasent memories, and move forward.

I think it's very thoughtful and generous and you should send it just as it is. Don't change a word.

I really don't feel like you should contact her. I'm a little confused by the situation. You're saying you want to send a note the your late fiance's ex-wife? I'm afraid that you will make the situation worse right now. Just let it go.

I had a similar situation,and I chose to reach out too. My son took his own life,3 yrs ago,after his fiancee cheated on him again.She left the province and went home,got therapy and still it haunted her.She was only 21,spoiled rotten and from a rich family of cardiac surgeons down east.They paid thousands to get her the best therapy.But she still kept seeing him in a coffin. Later on,a psychic told a girl who my son contacted(long story)to get in touch with me.My son had made it clear to the girl that he wanted his fiancee to know that it was not her fault,and that he did not hate her.He said it was an accidental overdose,too,and he had not meant to die,just block out the pain.And,he was very sorry for the pain he caused me and his fiancee.I believed that he did not hate her,he had loved her with all of his heart.And he loved life! Nobody wanted me to give her any peace,they all hate and blame her.But I told her,right away,in an email.I was only doing what my son wanted,and I do not regret doing it.It brought her peace and made me feel better that I helped my son too.Reaching out to a person who is suffering is never wrong,no matter what.

I think I understand where you're coming from ... the two of you share an unusual bond in that you both cared for the same person. As I said, I think it's a very touching gesture for you to reach out to her. You may be one of the few people on Earth who can really, fully sympathize with her. I think your letter's fine as it is ... but if you want to add an extra bit about not wanting to increase her grief, go for it. Say whatever you need to say .. or whatever his ex-wife needs to hear. I definitely don't think you will be making the situation any worse ... I think this is an important step in the healing process for BOTH of you. And I wish you the best.