Is it truely terrible to lose your virginity before married?

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• i'm not married, but i honestly believe a test drive doesn't necessarily apply sexually when it comes down to marriage b/c when two people are so closely connected intimately spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically (without actual sex), i believe the sex will be fulfilling. will they be good the first few times? probably not. so what? they can practice!

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  by Anonymous on May 6th, 2007

• I understand your view. It's like the time I bought a pair of shoes. I loved the way it looked. It was the perfect style and color. It went with everything I had. But they were custom made and a size too small. Still, I bought them and wore them until they stretched out to fit me... WHOA! That sounded really gay... But, yeah, I get your point, it's just that I've seen couples that really loved each other realizing that they were compatible everywhere else but in bed... And it became a deal breaker... even after many years of marriage. It's different for everyone, I'm sure. But some sort of physical attraction is usually what brings people together in the first place... whether romantic or not... It's psychological.

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  by jt007m on May 6th, 2007

• And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high...

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  by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on June 22nd, 2007

• actually, eltinwe, the divorce rate is falling. (at least in america)
  it's partly because couples just aren't getting married at all, and choosing to be in a committed relationship without the wedding bells.. but i think it is unfair to assume that virginity can have that much of an impact on a (healthy) marriage. i mean, if you are unhappy enough to get a divorce because your partner was not a virgin, that fact would have bothered you so much that you probably would never have gotten married to them in the first place
  http://marriage.about.com/b/a/257164.htm
  and i didn't find anything that had studied virginity in relation to divorce rates, however this article was interesting
  http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:KYKvZn9NRaQJ:www.contemporaryfamilies.org/subtemplate.php%3Ft%3DinTheNews%26ext%3Dnews008+virginity+divorce+rates&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=7&gl=us

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  by gypsy on June 23rd, 2007

• I wasn't referring to the OP, but to the answer. We "test drive" everything, but never make a commitment. Cars and shoes are something you regard as temporary. Apparently, so are spouses. We test drive, we decide not to buy. We test drive again, and eventually find one we want... for a while. But we've practiced how to break up relationships, and we've set ourselves up for divorce if we do marry. It's not the divorce rate I worry about, but the lack of long-term commitment, and the expectation of separation, regardless of marriage or lack thereof.

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  by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on June 24th, 2007

• i'm sorry. im probably missing something but i can't figure out what the OP is..
  what you said about setting ourselves up for divorce makes a lot of sense though, i do agree with you. i don't know if you were just making a general statement that had nothing to do with virginity overall. i was just pointing out that perhaps it has less to do with virginity and more with people's mindsets, people have a habit of caring about things of little or no importance, and thinking that those little things are the source of their happiness or unhappiness. if you read justbill's answer, it says virginity is more of a mindset anyway, and i agree.

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  by gypsy on June 24th, 2007

• Oh, sorry! OP = Original Post(er). And yes, we do seem to agree. I just think it's less to do with virginity itself, and more to do with people's mindsets - people don't care about things of great importance (Marriage) and blame their happiness/unhappiness on the little things (Test drives/virginity/lack thereof). They're not even LOOKING to make a long term commitment, just one of temporary convenience until they find a better, more expensive car/spouse to drive.

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  by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on June 24th, 2007

• I am not making light of marriage in any way. I'm saying that we take more care in choosing the lesser things in our lives that I think we should be more diligent when choosing a partner for life. And yes, it's has less to do with virginity and more to do with pre-marital sex in general. But at the same time, sex and sex drive is important. It's part of being human. We are sexual beings so sexual compatibility should be accounted for when deciding to settle down with someone... particularly if you want it be a marriage that doesn't end in divorce.

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  by jt007m on June 27th, 2007