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by Stableboy on March 26th, 2007

Stableboy

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What's your favorite way to tease a child?

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  • by Stableboy on March 26th, 2007

    Stableboy

    But of course I have to answer my own question!

    My wife and I raised two girls. The eldest (Heather) was very serious and intelligent, and would deeply ponder anything she found interesting.

    When she was 8, she was under the dining room table one day and tore off one of the "Not to be removed except by the consumer" furniture tags attached to the underside of the chairs. I saw this transgression and instantly switched into my Shock and Awe reaction -- that anyone would have the nerve to trifle with something So Clearly Marked as Forbidden.

    She was young enough to fall for for it, fortunately, and seemed genuinely nervous about the possible repercussions I explained: fines, possible imprisonment in the Department of Consumer Affairs, nasty interviews and visits from the Commissioner of the Consumer, at the very least a background investigation.

    I reassured her that I would do my best to protect her, that we would (if necessary) mortgage our home for her legal defense... while my wife did her best to stifle her laughter.

    The next day at work I used my computer to compose a very official-looking Waiver of Consumer Tag Removal Penalty application form, complete with document identifiers and a seal / logo from the Department of Consumer Affairs. I brought this home and had Heather sign and date it, assuring her that I had used by biggest booming bureaucratic BS-slicing voice to cut through the red tape and civil servant insolence on the phone in order to get this waiver.

    My wife and I had a good laugh about it, and then all was forgotten... for a few years... until one day Heather came storming in the front door after school, red faced and mock-livid with anger: "I just found out that WE'RE the consumer!!" she screamed.

    I had no idea what she was talking about.

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