Would you rather be "right" (as in a disagreement or argument), or happy (as in give it up, it's not worth you & others being unhappy about it)? Do you like or need to be the winner and have a loser, or do you like a win-win situation?

I used to have to win arguments. It was a constant power struggle between myself and girlfriends, my parents and other people. Then I was told by a really wise person I knew that winning by making the other person a loser or trying to make them look foolish or belittling them, etc., is a form of abuse and the "victory" is very hollow.

So slowly every time I started to argue and kept going til I felt I had to win, I backed off and told myself, "This is silly, I am trying to be smarter or better than a friend of mine and make them look stupid." Over time I got to the place where now I will debate with people, but I also allow them to have their opinion and I don't try to make myself out to be the "winner." If it is a facts issue, and I am right and it is easily proven, that's another story of course. I am much happier now.

Comments

It can literally make you sick also. Glad you realized it is a waste of energy and also not really healthy for either person beyond a certain point.
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by Anonymous on February 5th, 2007
This made interesting reading, I hope that some people I know can learn what you have learned as well. Good on you for making those changes :)
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by Anonymous on February 5th, 2007
Thank you tani. :)
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by Anonymous on February 5th, 2007
what a great story! many of us can learn from it, I'm sure
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by LynfromNM on February 5th, 2007

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Would you rather be "right" (as in a disagreement or argument), or happy (as in give it up, it's not worth you & others being unhappy about it)? Do you like or need to be the winner and have a loser, or do you like a win-win situation?

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Would you rather be "right" (as in a disagreement or argument), or happy (as in give it up, it's not worth you & others being unhappy about it)? Do you like or need to be the winner and have a loser, or do you like a win-win situation?

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