by materialgirl on March 11th, 2005

materialgirl

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How important is intellectual compatibility in a relationship? Do most people look for mates that are of similar intelligence to themselves?

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  • by frankied on March 17th, 2005

    frankied

    I disagree that intellectual compatibility is that important. Sometimes, it is better to have someone in your life that keeps aware of all the things you don't care about, and vice versa. By having two entirely different mindsets approaching a problem, you have two points of view to find a solution.

    Addendum: Intelligence is not easily quantifyable. Intellectual compatibility is more aptly described as having common experiences, and being able to communicate agreement on perceptions resulting from those experiences. What one might describe as incompatible is simply a wide diversity in experiences and environments. Two neurosurgeons from different countries may be equally educated and compatible, but unable to communicate the most basic needs to eachother.

    The unwillingness to learn to understand is the only element in the incompatibility of a relationship.

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    • Differences are one thing, intellectual compatibility is another.

    • I think we need to agree on what intellectual compatibility is before going any further. You seem to think it involves similar mindsets.

      When I've been in a relationship with a high degree of intellectual compatibility I've found that different mindsets are exactly what keep the relationship going. The different perspectives provide a degree of balance. If one person ends up at an extreme the other person pulls them back in.

      I think there certainly needs to be similarities but no the same "mindsets." More like the same ability to handle and give criticism, feedback, and knowing when (and how) to listen.

      A strong conservative should be able to get along with a strong liberal if the two of them are highly intellectually compatible, provided that neither of them disrespect a moral or value that the other holds true to the point that the other person looks at them as a bad person, evil, or similar.

      Anonymous

      by Anonymous on November 16th, 2008

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