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by Highlander is semi-retired from AB on July 20th, 2007

Highlander is semi-retired from AB

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Do you get severely depressed?

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  • by inconsequential on July 20th, 2007

    inconsequential

    I've struggled with depression on and off for most of my life; since long before I even understood what depression was. When depression begins early in your life, as it did in mine, it becomes impossible to distinguish, at least internally, as something abnormal. If it's something you've experienced over a long period of time, it becomes what you recognize as your own personality.

    I'm something of a stranger to myself, because I really don't know who I am without depression. I don't think that person exists. He hasn't, for at least as long as he's been self aware enough to think in those abstract terms.

    Over the years I have learned to mask it, particularly at work. My success varies depending on the amount of stress in my life. I'm quite successful and well liked, so I suppose I do a good job at it most days. On the days that I'm not, I can at least be relied on to be very open to what's going on in my life and what I'm doing to handle it.

    Some days are worse than others. While I've never given any serious recent thought to suicide, I do regularly re-visit the comparison of a world with me in it, versus one without. My conclusion is always the same: whatever I've lived through as a child is in the past -- a past that I'm prepared to keep dealing with though it is painful. But no amount of pain I have experienced would justify the harm I could do by leaving this life prematurely.

    At the end of the day, it's my children that keep me focused. Bringing them into this world brought with it a lifetime commitment, and one that I intend to honour. I want them to grow up well, with none of the emptiness, doubt, and lingering questions that I have.

    That said, I've been feeling really good for some time now. A lot of what I've been working for has come to fruition, and I'm inspired. :)

    Comments

    • Wonderful answer. Remarkable, really. +6

      Jodie44

      by Jodie44 on July 20th, 2007

    • Thanks Jodie. :)

      inconsequential

      by inconsequential on July 20th, 2007

    • That's an awesome answer. I agree with Jodie, it's remarkable.

      unknown

      by unknown on July 20th, 2007

    • Thank you, idne. :)

      inconsequential

      by inconsequential on July 20th, 2007

    • You're welcome. :)

      unknown

      by unknown on July 20th, 2007

    • That was an amazing answer! Loved it!

      Da Azian Boi

      by Da Azian Boi on August 7th, 2007

    • I'll throw my thanks in the ring too Todd. I could have written the first two paragraphs word for word, shedding a tear or two along the way. I'm so glad you're feeling well:)

      gtravels loves her life penguin

      by gtravels loves her life penguin on August 7th, 2007

    • Thanks all. :) Like Ringo said, I get by with a little help from my friends...

      inconsequential

      by inconsequential on August 7th, 2007

    • Moi aussi. (I just felt like using a bit of French.) How old were you when you started feeling depression? I remember being depressed when I was 3 y.o.

      meowry

      by meowry on January 6th, 2009

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