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  • Why? No Don't tell me, you need to analyze this one yourself. What is it about "straight" men that attracts you so much? Once you figure out the answer to that then you might be able to resolve some of the issue and get/give blow jobs to other gay guys who come with less guilt, none of the self loathing and none of the potential that they will kill you in the morning because you had sex with them (unless you are that bad in bed). When you consider the issue, a guy who is having sex (either receiving or giving) with another guy is not really that straight. He is at best bent. Is it the "thrill" of "breaking a boy"? Is it the added sense of "danger" that the straight boy may go ballistic on your and whip your ***? Or is it because you think that all gay men are 'fay' and can't be man enough for you? Or is it a mix off all of the above with more in it? --> Again, don't tell me, I don't want to know - you need to ask yourself and get your own answers. In any case you can not form a loving relationship with a 'straight' guy. (Maybe its a fear of commitment issue under all of this???). Nor can you be 100% certain that you will wake up the next day in your own bed as opposed to a hospital bed or a casket. If you can not answer the question for yourself, then I would strongly suggest you go to therapy and have a professional help you to understand the 'mechanics' behind your desire and to help you establish healthy guidelines for yourself as to what is 'safe' sex. Frankly, I think you might be happier with your 'own kind' meaning finding a man who like you is openly gay, openly enjoys sex with another man and holds the potential to be a life partner.

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