Does holding onto memories of a deceased s/o (letters,card,photos, etc) make it more difficult for one to move on past the loss of their s/o? Would it be best to just burn it all so you won't be tempted to keep looking at them and keep reliving the past?
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asweetguy4u2know says R.I.P Nelson
ANSWERS: 19
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not at all...you'd regret things more if you got rid of the pictures because when the pain finally goes away, then you'll wish you could have those pictures to look back on the old times and remind you of how amazing that person was, and how lucky you were for having them in your life
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No. Those "things" will bring you comfort as you get to the other side of your grief. Don't give away anything YET. It's amazing the people who come by just to grab something they've admired for some time. You will know when the time is right. Best wishes.....
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Do not let anyone talk you into destroying your memories. They will grow sweeter through the years as the pain heals.
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No...keep your memories! You can always pack them up if you don't want to see them. But once they are gone they are gone for good.
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Don't burn them - you will regret it and you'll never be able to get those things back. Lock them away somewhere, in a place where they will be safe, but which is not convenient for you - like a safe deposit box, or ask a friend to keep them for you. Keep your mementos safe, but make it very inconvenient to get to them.
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Only you can know what is difficult for you and what you can accept and come to terms with in the ways of moving forward in your life. I would want always to remember the happy times shared with someone i loved and would rejoice in having such evidence of their life. I could not at any time, consider such a thing as burning mementos relating to them.
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Grief is about letting yourself realize that the person is no longer here. Burning your memorabilia is symbolic of the need to let go. It also expresse some of your anger with the loved one for leaving. But once you have come to an acceptance of your loss, you will feel differently. Just put them away if they are painful right now. You won't always feel this way.
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I want to personally thank each and every one of you who took the time to answer. All of my so called friends and a therapist all think that it would do me a world of good to burn the memories becausse I do not have the discipline required to just put them away. I tried to have my roommates hide them on me but that only lasted about a week or two before I threatened to rip their f@#%ing heads off if they didn't give me back my stuff. I have no self discipline at all so I felt the only way to ensure that I don't get tempted to look is if they are no longer around to look at. Everyone seems to think that if I could get rid of the memories that I will have a much easier time of letting her go but I don't knbow which is what prompted me to ask this question. Thank you all for your help
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I think that if they are getting in the way of the healing process and you are willing to lose them all, yes, get rid of them But for most people, careful, possibly ceremonially storing them away, wrapping them up with honor, a few words if need be, and ribbon, a special box, that's enough to keep them safe and have that closure. Not some easy to open rubbermaid container on the bottom shelf of the garage, but something truly with honor and for good, without destroying them. Then in future years, or decades, or for someone else, they can be opened if needed and treasured again.
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I don't need any material things to keep reliving the past. I guess it's just a part of how I am. Not a good part I admit. It's just too hard to forget the past, try as I might.
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I would keep the letters. I still have love letters and little notes from way back in jr. high and high school. They are your memories. Just don't keep them so close at hand that you can dwell on them. Store them in a good safe place so you know they'll be there when you're ready. If it is too painful to store them yourself, ask someone close to you to help you out.
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I would never want to destroy any letters, cards, photos, etc. from a deceased loved one. But, I can identify with you as far as looking at them making you sad. I couldn't look at these things for a long, long time after my grandmother died. It was way too painful. Now, I can look and my heart doesn't hurt. My intense grieve went on for a very long time. When I think of her now, I treasure the memories and I have peace.
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Looking at photos, etc. of a departed SO can help with the process of grieving. Sometimes grieving can take as much as a year or longer, but it is a necessary process to endure. Don't throw away or burn anything. If you do, you will deeply regret it.
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Never destroy your mementos. They are not just there for you but for your children. You have to get through the stages of grieving to the state of acceptance (look up the Stages of Grieving), but these do not include wiping out the past.
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Yes it does. It makes it hard to move on from the loss of someone's death. Photos and letters just makes you even sadder to relive all the memories again. On the other hand, you shouldn't throw away photos or items because they remind you of the good times that you and your s/o shared. But what is the point of holding onto something and never letting them go? I think that they should be stored away.
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My screensaver is a slide show of my digital photographs and I like it when I come into the room and see a photograph of my dad or my wife's aunt, both of whom are no longer with us. It reminds me of happy times. I could never get rid of these photographs and I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way if my wife had died.
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Those are my life line, and no I wouldn't give them up for anything, or any body!
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Don't do that. Hang on to them. My therapist had me put them all in a box and tie string around it and put it away. Once in a while I pull it out. But in 10 yrs and you have no physical memories how would you feel?
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No, I dont think so. I think if that person is going to become unrealistically attached to someone they know is not coming back, it doesn't really matter if their things are around to remind them, they would be that way anyhow. Time truely does heal all ills.
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