I think the best course of action would be to honest with both parties and state that each of them is coming to you with information and asking for advice, and that you don't want to get caught up as piggy in the middle, as you like both of them (assuming this is the case). If you side with one person against the other, you will inevitably end up being alienated from at least one of this pair, and may gain a reputation for being untrustworthy.

it would be reallllly hard not to end up shit stirring, but i guess id stay out of it and just keep telling them both that they have to put the childrens feelings before their own. try not to side with either of them, and dont keep telling one what the others saying. i made that mistake when two of my best friends fell out.

I knew my husband was up to no good. i asked a very good friend of mine and his to tell me the truth in order to fix our problems, she did its not her fault but whatever i dont know doesnt hurt me... everthing is so fucked up now... so i guess dont

keep your mouth shut unless you're a private investigator who has been retained?

encourage each to be honest with one another, and express your discomfort with the situation. But I don't think it's in your best interest to tell one party that the other cheated.

Don't get involved in that. Tell them, you can't take sides.

I have been there too and well still kinda am, I just keep my mouth shut. The way I make myself feel better is to say to myself if I haven't seen it with my own eyes then I don't know for sure.

If one partner wants out of the relationship then it should be ended if it can't be fixed. The children are top priority although their existence shouldn't force an unhappy couple to remain married. Parents can be apart and still be great parents. I think that sometimes it can be very destructive to the children if you allow the marriage to continue. I don't know the most important details but I can say this.... If I want a divorce I could care less what happened or what is happening between the other partner and someone else. In my mind it's irrelevant. I would just want the divorce. It sounds like they're jockeying for position and in this situation the outcome seems to always be destructive when it doesn't have to be. This is a hugely gray area. I value friendships, trust and confidence. The trust that people have in me is extremely important to me. It can affect my principles to some extent at times. Ethics can be difficult when forced onto your personal values. If I had knowledge of one partner cheating but both were good, close friends, I think I would try to remain neutral as much as possible, explaining to both parties that I don't wish to be used against the other. If I were one of them I think I would understand but be sure they are both aware that you value having them as friends. It's difficult when you are a mutual friend. There really is no happy middle ground to your question as no matter what the outcome there will be regrets and hard feelings. You have to decide what's right for you. Let everything else fall into place as it may. This is a very difficult problem. My tendency is to try to save my friendships. I would choose to offer as little as possible and be as neutral as I could be. If one or both choose not to continue their frienship then I would understand. It's not an enviable position to be in. The other option is to flat out betray a friend and that is something that I'm incapable of. We're all different.

i'd keep it for myself. it would be extremely dangerous to walk in those waters.

Stay out of it. If you become partial to one side, it'll cause more problems then there are now. Believe me, I'm going through the same thing with a couple that I'm friends with. The best thing to do is listen to both sides but do not tell each other what the other has said. It'll cause numerous headaches from you. Or, wash your hands of the situation completely. Believe me, you don't want to be involved.

wow~tough situation for your friends to put you in! i agree with the rest and say stay out of it and i would tell them so......that you care about both of them and you refuse to be put in the middle~if you know one is cheating then i would just be a friend and tell them to come clean and that it's gonna come out sooner or later......but not from you! good luck girl ;)

STAY OUT OF IT;) I am In the same situation right now and it Sucks;)!!! . . I told them both at the same time in person I loved them both and I didn't want to be in the middle of it;) That worked for about a week then the phone started ringing Now I just let it go to voice mail;)!! I still haven't said anything Though;)!

This is sticky. You are not a shrink or therapist so I guess they are just looking for a shoulder to cry on. Remain objective, supportive but don't give either any advice. This is their personal problem and they need to work it out.

I would tell the truth to whichever one was asking. I wouldn't want to be in the middle, but I wouldn't lie if directly asked.

Tell the truth.....you're going to lose one as a friend one way or the other. I lost people who I thought were friends after my divorce.

there's a reason that BLTs are in the middle of two slices of bread - because i hate being put in the middle. no matter what is said, the enquiring mind will want to know more and more. likewise, i'd want to be telling the truth. are you the person God designated to protect the welfare of the children, when, it would seem, at least one, if not both parents, are not? i'm so sorry for your being in such an uncomfortable place, there are no clear answers...

Ask them if they care about you as a friend, if they do, I would ask them please respect me and do not put me in the middle.

I would let the other one know that the other is asking questions and give them an option - either you tell them or I will Hopefully they tell them themselves.

I've been down that road before, too many times. Maybe thats way I have remained single all my life. First that always comes to my mind, is to try and stay out of it. 2nd Pray that they will resolve their own problems, & do what is best for the children on their own. 3th There is tho away that you might secretly play dumb over the matter, and still leave clues around. So that they think they figured it out all on their own. Just be very careful tho, on what clues you leave. Remember there are children involved in this question. 4th There may come a time when you have to step in. Like being called into court as a witness. Be careful how you truly answer the questions asked to you. Remember your now under oath to tell the whole truth & nothing but the truth.....No more playing dumb bunny at this point. So back like I said in the beginning. Its best to try & stay out of it, unless you see harm to the children. And just maybe they can resolve it on their own. For I just hate being stuck in between a Rock & a Hard Place. Its not a peaceful place to be.

This is a tough one, Sweet T..no matter what you do, you can't win. If you tell the one who wasn't cheating about the one who was..she/he will get very angry at you for withholding that information. So you lose. If you don't tell the truth, and it is discovered that you knew, the one who was cheated on will get very angry that you didn't say something. In either case, the one who cheated will get very angry at you for spilling the beans. So whatever you do or don't do, you lose! :(

Just state politely that I am not going to inject myself into the situation due to the fact that both of them are my friends. I would let them know that I will be there, as a neutral party, for both of them, but I will not divulge anything negative to one about the other. If either or neither of them can understand that, they are not really very good friends, because, ultimately they would be using me to get to one another.

The cheat is toast. No-one too cowardly to tell their own partner, or so sneaky as to have their cake and eat it while the other one holds the kids, would even have my respect by then. Mind you I'd have already told them that if I was asked straight out I would have to tell the truth. Tell the cheating one that you have been asked directly and that if you get asked again you won't be able to keep quiet. That gives them a chance to be responsible for a change. They brought this on themselves.

dang, did it again. please flag