How would you deal with a person who repeatedly says disrespectful/inappropriate comments but claims it's OK because they were just kidding & does not expect any type of a retaliation.
by 
anonymous
ANSWERS: 27
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"Let's resume our conversation when you have something supportive/worthwhile to say. I really don't function well with such negativity." If the conversation never gets resumed, so be it. :o)
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You have just described my mother in law. It isn't nice to speak of the unholy be careful. Yeah I have to deal with her marriage and all that. Mr Bill
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I get really annoyed with people who start by saying " I don't mean to be rude but...." It always means they are going to be very rude
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Set a precedent by stating that the last comments made were offensive to you whether they were kidding or not and that you wish that didn't happen again. If that person continues to do so, it will tell you that they have no respect or consideration for you, better to try to stay away from them.
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You retaliate...ruthlessly...and horribly perferably in a very public way...
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No, just because someone tells you they are "kidding" is not a blanket disclaimer that allows them to offend you. If they know that it offends you, they should consider your feelings and stop.
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I used to have a friend who did that. Note: I used to.
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I'd build a giant hamster wheel that they had to roll in to get anywhere. They'd get pissed after a while and I'd say It's ok, I was just kidding... But you have 5 more days in that thing. (evil laugh commences)
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Wait a minute...was it tjo? I will kick her ass if it was LMFAO ;)
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Whether they 'expect' retaliation or not, they should get it to learn how inappropriate they are. "When you talk to me that way... I feel disrespected and offended. I need it to stop immediately or our relationship (put in your own word here) will end". "Nobody gets to talk to me so disrespectfully.....including you. It stops NOW!" Then disengage from that person!
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You just described my in laws--and I've learned to get along with them very well. Here's how I deal with them: Each time one of these comments occurs, I do not let it go. I call them on it. I tell them flat out how I find it offensive, disrespectful or inappropriate. I do not accept any attempts to brush it off as humor. I make sure they know that I want it to stop and that I will not accept it in the future. This makes it an uncomfortable situation for *them*--and it starts to subside or stop. In your situation, if it continues, I would give the person one final warning--and let them know it--before cutting off contact.
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The person is obviously and asshole-so treat them like one.
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spank there ass:)
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I stop dealing with them. Eliminate them from my life.
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I have a pretty think skin so it is difficult to offend me and would be happy to dish it right back at them. Otherwise I would probably not associate with that person. If that was unavoidable due to a work relationship then I would let a superior know the situation.
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Clearly inform them that they are being offensive..then if it's someone here on AB-report them. If it's someone in real life..avoid them if possible and if it's not then report them (ex fellow student report them to the school...co-worker report them to the boss etc)
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Oh heavens! I married one. He spent years putting me down in front of people (as a joke - you understand). I tried everything from laughing it off, to talking to him about it in private, to giving it back etc. I finally found something that worked..........Divorce! Now I am very happy with an awful lot more self esteem, well it is getting better over time.
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Tell them their full of BS.
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That's the number one excuse of the lowlife bullies in my school...the best way to deal with them is to report their behavior to someone.
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One of the things people have to understand about communication is that it doesn't really matter what the intention was - what matters is the effect it has on people, and that's really hard to predict as you don't know through what filters other people will interpret what you say.
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Do it back to them, but go even further.
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my foot
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i would go at em 100%
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I had this happen to me. The person kept on making rude remarks and then denied everything when meeting with a superior. This person keep on harassing me thinking I could not do anything. Thank God for technology, I went an got a mini digital recorder to copy the harassing statements. At the next meeting his jaw dropped and was reprimanded. There has not been any harassment since. I wonder if the recorder would work in this situation, later playing it with him and another person they respect. Embarrassment can cure many evils. Just make sure this person is not physically violent, or revengeful and you are safely in a public safe place while replaying the inappropriate statements. If this person is then get out of the relationship now.
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wow i have a really good friend who is like that and i usually brush it off because i never know what to say, but after reading these answers i am so prepared for when i see him tomorrow!!!!
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i might not want to deal with them at all
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i probably wouldnt bother dealing with them at all
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