Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner, but only within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of any failure on the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform previously agreed upon duties. These duties will include, but not be limited to the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (Receptacle), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (New/Replacement Light Bulb). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. Notes: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership." Also, the party of the first part (Lawyer) is not responsible for either continuous supply of electrical energy hereafter known as the party of the sixth part, to enable the party of the fourth part (New/Replacement Light Bulb) to fulfill its assigned task, nor the maintenance/replacement of any wiring hereafter known as the party of the seventh part, the party of the third part (Receptacle; previously mentioned) or the light switch, hereafter known as the party of the eight part for defects which may occur. Nor will the party of the first part (Lawyer) be held accountable for the stated "Average Life (in hours)" of the party of the fourth part (New/Replacement Light Bulb). This shall included, but not be limited to, a failure to illuminate at the onset of the completion of the installation procedure as described elsewhere in this document. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall not be held accountable for the adequacy of any said lighting, elucidation, or illumination, since such matters are beyond the scope and intent of this agreement. The party of the first part (Lawyer) only agrees to provide replacement in kind, and shall not be held responsible for any personal injuries due to darkened or poorly lighted areas. Nor will the party of the first part (Lawyer) be liable or accountable for any long-term effects of either over or under illumination, such as "eye strain" or "Night Blindness", or any other applicable medical condition judged to be suffered by improper brightness upon testing by competent authority. All subsequent light bulb changes shall be strictly limited to the lighting, elucidation, and illumination of the area described in this document. Any other areas within the confines of the structure or any other structure will require a separate agreement clearly stating the area(s) to be considered by all parties involved. Be it further known that the party of the first part (Lawyer) reserves the right to review this document and revise same with each subsequent removal/installation required of the bulb and illumination areas stated within this document, as conditions may warrant.

Three: one to sue power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place; one to sue the electrician who wired the house; and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

Fifty three! Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

We may never know - they just keep charging you by the hour regardless of whether they accomplish what you wanted. They are process-oriented, not goal-oriented.

One. But he'll take 40%.

First, define "light bulb".