I had a good friend who passed away a few yrs ago. he was cremated and in his will left instructions to family on dispensing his ashes. his family has totally disregarded his wishes. should i say anything or mind my own business? he was my best friendever
by 
bignose
ANSWERS: 10
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Family comes first. he may have been your friend, but his family, apparently cannot lose what little they have left of him. This is a personal family matter. since you are not family, its best just leave it alone.
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I say family comes first, but the movie "Grand Theft Parsons" is a good argument to do the opposite. Check that movie out.
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His family SHOULD respect his wishes and follow his instructions and (in my opinion) you probably WOULDN'T be out of line to call them on it. However, you should first ask yourself what is to be gained from bringing it up. I'm pretty sure the law is completely on their side in this matter, so no matter what you said it probably won't have an effect on what happens to his ashes. If you feel like it is important enough to symbolically stand up for his wishes... perhaps if you feel that in the afterlife he is able to see what goes on here on earth... then go for it. It really is going to come down to whether or not you think you have to do this in order to reaffirm your friendship with him.
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My mother's response to my saying that I wanted to be cremated was "Oh, don't do that to me!" My anger over her selfishness was probably more selfish than her selfishness. Ultimately, what do I care? I'm sure your friend's family is doing what makes them feel comfortable. How they process their grief is personal. I'm sure it was also your friend's wish that you not carry around feelings of unrest for years on his behalf. Is it possible for you to go to where your friend wanted his ashes spread and "release" him by releasing your concerns about his ashes? If so, I think you'd be surprised by the results Peace
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The family are keeping the ashes in the mistaken belief that this is all they will have in memory of him. It is understandable. However, if they knew what the Bible says about death, they would not be so insistent. When we die we simply remain 'asleep' in death until we are resurrected. [Revelation 20; 12,13] Our death has already paid for any sins committed, so on resurrection, we are judged, not on what we have done, but on how we react to God's new system. Those who comply will be resurrected [ a standing up] back to a fleshly life on earth with no prospect of death. Given a new body free of sickness and death [ Rev. 21;4] to have the work of bringing the earth back to a paradise. God's original plan. His present ashes become meaningless with this knowledge. (Isaiah 11:9) They will not do any harm or cause any ruin in all my holy mountain; because the earth will certainly be filled with the knowledge of Jehovah as the waters are covering the very sea.
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His "next of kin" - family - got the ashes. As much as you disagree, it is their business how to handle his cremains, even though they are disregarding his wishes. It is too bad, but it is the law. I would simply continue to remember your friend in your own way and know that he is at peace regardless. If you wanted, you could make or create a small shrine or plant a tree or do something in his honor that his family knew nothing about. That would be a nice tie to him that could last the rest of YOUR life, and it would be something just between you and your friend. Saying anything to the family now would probably be met with something negative. If they did not respect their son's wishes for the ashes, they obviously have very strong feelings about how to deal with them. You will not change their mind now. Think of something personal and special to celebrate and honor your friend, even though some time has passed, and do it alone and with joy!
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Steal the ashes and replace the ashes with ashes from a fire. Go do what they wanted and hopefully you'll be granted some good Karma.
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It is their call and responsibilit to follow his wishes or not. It may be hurtful, but they are the custodian of his remains. Ultimately, we can no longer make these calls after we are gone. Let us so order our lives so that we are always reminded that all we can do is what we do now.
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Keep your peace. It's not your business.
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it depends how close are you to this family do you even though you friend is gone do you still visit and hang out with this family or now that your friend is gone do you just say see them occasionally here and there. if you are still close with them you might causually bring it to there attention in their own grief from losing him they may have forgotten or as mentioned before may not be ready to let him go yet i knew of one person whose family took them 10 years before the where able to fulfill her wishes for her ashes. when my grandmother died my mom took half of her ashes and sprinkled them in her back yard where she spent alot of time landscaping and the other half she took down a released in the desert where she lived most of her life and absolutly loved heres how bring it up just ask them if they would mind if when they where ready to take his ashes and let them go that you would very much like to be a there
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