I have won over a 7 year old bratty boy by being very clear and consistent with my boundaries. I also preface every "correction" with comments like this: "I could have sworn I asked you not to do <...>, what happened?" I don't rely on his parents to correct him... I just take charge -- this is my house, and he's my guest. If he argues with his parents, I side with his parents, but I do interfere and tell him if he wants to argue, he'll have to do it when he gets back home, and I follow this by redirecting his attention to something more positive. Part of his brattyness problem is boredom -- when this boy visits, I always take a few minutes to engage just with him -- he loves drawing pictures of airplanes, spaceships, stuff like that: I encourage his creativity as much as I can, sometimes I buy little puzzle games I spot at the dollar store, just so he has something new to occupy himself with when he visits. One important consideration -- in my opinion, a bratty child is bratty because the parents let him or her be bratty -- so however the child behaves, that's how the parents allow it... When the child visits me, I just say, "The rules are different here" -- without judging the child. I used to hate visits by this family -- but me and the kid have a great relationship now -- and he has become very respectful of my boundaries. re: when to discipline Auntie Em -- you are right, this doesn't really address the divorce issue that might cause the child to act out... I think "Anonymous" should privately discuss the behavior issues with the Dad to establish "rules of engagement" with the child. But, if the child bothers "anonymous", then I think it's okay for him or her to deal directly with the child -- with all due respect to the child and the father. If you treat a child with respect, you will eventually get respect back.

maybe i'm selfish but i would not deal with it at all. there are too many other people in the world so why take on someone elses burdens. either he straightens out the situation or you should just move on--hit the road, find someone else! life is too short, have your own children, then if problems arise at least you created the situation. bonds between natural children and parents are very strong and worth the effort.

I'm assuming you have not been in the relationship for an extended period of time (years) with my answer... My opinion, Until you're married and adopted the child, it's his child, not yours to discipline. If that's the case, discuss / leave it to the boyfriend to decide how much / how long he will continue to let his daughter disrespect you. She is an extension of him, thus HE is disrespecting you as well by not controlling the situation.

If you have any serious future plans, with your boyfriend, you might as well get use to his bratty daughter. she was there before you and he will take his daughter, over you, any time. this may sound hard, but its the truth. They come as a package deal and you are the outsider. the key is to be the missing piece in his and her puzzle. in other words, you have got to "fit in", if you want to stay.

I can sympathize with your problem. I too am involved with a man whose 5 year old daughter is the bane of my existance. I sometimes forget that she only 5 years old. She is sassy and bossy. She likes to bully my daughter--who is nine. When she's around other children she commands undivided attention. She snatches toys and hurls insults. Her dad is completely aware that she behaves this way but refuses to put stop to it. She told him one day that she doesn't want to live with her mom any more and that she wants to come and live with us. He was amused,but I was horrified! Even though I love him, I am now planning to leave this relationship because I realize that this would be my life and I just could not bear the thought. So please for your own sanity GET OUT!!!!!

Swift backhand?

You just deal. Try to be as polite as possible even when they are rude, and tell them what you don't like, but NEVER yell at them. Clearly the daughter is prolly scared that you are encroaching on her time, as its hard to see someone's father date someone that isn't their mother. Her needs should come first, though, before anyone elses.

Wow-glad to hear that I am not the only onein your type of situation:) I don't have any children so the "lifestyle" adjustment has been challenging at best..What I have learned is that no one likes to hear that their children are bratty or spoiled "rotten". Believe me I told my boyfriened that his son was bratty and lacked limits(one too many times). My boyfriend did not respond well and we often fought about it. His son continued to talk back, not listen and tell me "your not my mother". What I did do was leave when his son came over for the weekends. My boyfriend then realized that something had to change. He started to take responsibility and stopped making excuses for his son's behavior and had started to set rules and limits. I now deal with his son coming over and find that it was my bofriends behavior that allowed his son to act in that way. His lack of respect for his child and the lack of taking a responsible role changed because he now understands that to want someone in your life and have two children from two ex wives translates to him accepting/taking parental responsibility. I had told him that just because they are your children doesn't mean that everyone will love them as much as you do-In fact you and their mother are the only too people in this world that will love them unconditionally. Sometimes the best parenting is not about "saving your child's feeling" or giving in to them-its allowing life to happen. Divorce should never mean that you walk on eggshells or assume that the other parent is at fault and most of all treating parental visitations like Disney world. It means providing your children with the resources to handle change. Change is throughout our lives and they need to adjust to it and be able to accept that they have to be open to it without acting out. I know its difficult growing up in a divorced family-I am a product of that-I was 5 when they divorced. However NOT once was I disrespectful to another adult. Not once did I talk back to my parents..Why? because BOTH my parents made sure that the expectations of raisng me and my sister were the same regardless if they were married or divorced. I wish you the best:)