I know that being raped is something one will never forget (unless they have Alzheimer's or something) because my cousin tried to rape me when I was in elementary school. He TRIED and I still haven't forgotten. If I were you, I would try to let go of the past and not let it get in your way. Don't settle as a "backup" find a man who you want to date, is available and is willing to commit in a relationship with you, when the time is right or when you or he think you're not yourself, tell him about what happened in your past - he'll understand. And if he doesn't then maybe he isnt worthy of you. You could also learn from your past, maybe take some self defense courses or something. Okay now I don't know where I'm going with this - I hoped I helped even a little.

I'm sorry for this. Congratulations on seeking answers. It means you value yourself, don't forget that. First off, I would recommend you seek professional help, a woman psychiatrist or counselor. There are also support groups you should at least check out. These would be incredibly helpful. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I can empathize with the concept of "damaged goods". But you should know that what happened to you does not have to be part of your definition of who you are. You are a human being, and you are entitled to what all other human beings want: happiness. You are entitled to it simply by existing in this world. Embrace that and find your happiness. You deserve it. Best of luck to you. You will find it.

I think having someone to talk to about this, like a counselor, would be very useful... I was married for twelve years to a woman that (prior to our marriage) spent 6 weeks in the hospital because of a crime like this -- and I think it tainted her view of all men -- like we're all perpertrators at one level or another. Also, how you see yourself is going to influence how others see you... like another answer said, you'll never forget -- but I believe you must work on the "forgive" part of never forgetting... and also forgive yourself for the things that make you feel unworthy... a fabulous future is possible.

The other answers posted here have very good advice. I would add that it is impossible to change anyone -- except yourself. One step in changing your mindset is to recognize that rape is not sex. It is an act of violence. It has nothing to do with a consensual act between adults. In choosing people you WANT to interact with in any way, remember that you are willing, and not forced. Exerting your own will is an important part of the healing process. "I WILL determine who I want to have sex with, have tea with, and listen to on the phone." It is a process of internalizing and acting on what you already know to be true. My friends who have been raped have told me that you have to re-learn that you are in charge of yourself, no one else. It is this knowledge that a rapist steals, I'm not a therapist or psychology professional, I just know several people who have been sexually abused or raped and I am repeating what they have shared with me about their struggles to "feel whole and healthy" again. Please do seek professional help -- it is not a sign of weakness to do so, it is a sign of strength. It breaks my heart that so many people have been raped and abused, and many don't realize that they are worthy of a hopes, dreams, accomplishments and love. It's great that you recognize your destructive behavior and the reason behind it -- you have already accomplished a great deal.

I'm going to share with you one of my favourite quotes - You cannot hold on to the pain inside you, let it go, or it will destroy you Think it pretty much says it all, you're not any less of a woman because of what has happened to you, and it doesn't mean you're not worthy, it's an unfortunate occurance, and you shouldn't let it rule your entire adult life - hold your head high, and don't let the b@st@rd win x x

You should seek professional help for therapy.

Your adversary has placed a stronghold on you, so that you can't have a healthy "normal" loving intimate fulfilling ( should I keep going?) relationship. If you would, esteem yourself in the things of the Bible. It does have the stuff to wack the crap out those unworthy feelings you have. And it will also bless you on so many other levels too. I'd also bet you'll meet some people who've gone through similar experiences. You can beat this thing, if you will just...believe.

You have not only had your body raped you have had your mind raped. You've got to get back in touch with your POWER. You cannot allow that man to take away who you are, if you do that, he continues to rape you. You need to stand up to that...don't let him win. You did not deserve what happened under any circumstances you cannot think that you caused it to happen. It was the mans lack of control not yours. Hold your head up take a deep breath and say, I AM WOMAN! It sounds corny but it is the absolute truth. You are stronger than you think. There are rape support groups that can be of great help to you, this was a great place to start. YOU GO GIRL!!

Come to me as a back up. Mabey you can become my number one. My wife treats me as a backkup, so I am ready to move on.

only you know the answer to this i am afraid. you have such a low opinion of yourself, yet just from what ive read you have suffered an ordeal which has broken a lot of people, people who have, and probably never will, date again. it amazes me to find such a strong woman in the world, as there are so few. men altogether should be your 'backup' as im afraid there arent any good enough... sorry.

Professional Therapy is needed here.

D@mn, this is one of the best questions I've ever seen on ab. I can relate to how you feel, as I have also descended into bad dating patterns after a sexual assault. I don't want to scare you, but be aware that if you don't feel good about yourself and only seek men on a casual basis, men of ill repute will sense your vulnerability and may try to take advantage of you. Don't let that happen to yourself again. Fortunately, you've already taken the step of self-awareness. Remind yourself that you know these men aren't good for you and try to resist the attraction. You may want to take a break from men for a while. Your trust in men probably isn't very strong (and that may be why you're seeking relationships with men who are emotionally distant; people are more likely to hurt us when we let them get close). Spend time around friends who can provide encouragement and compliment you on your strengths. Also, talk positively to yourself. I've taken to writing words of affirmation on the mirror with dry erase markers. It may seem cheesy, but you have to have a good opinion of yourself so that you'll be open to the good men who are out there.

i am sorry that a man animal did this to you i think every woman who has been sexually assualted should get to castarate the man thats the best pay back there is

Talk to a professional. This is not an easy thing to "get over." You are worthy. Do it!

It's a good thing you' were able to regognize the behaivior brought on by the rape as not your normal available self, agknowladging the problem is half the battle, stepping threw the battlefield of a battered spirit with the knowledge of why your relationships are more worthy than your own excsistance in one, will hopefully fade as you walk through the same field, still heavily armed with awarenessd of your experience and how its effected you, and how your slowly letting the effects point in your favor, instead of in the path of destruction. Sounds like your a very intelligent person to see all you have , i think you can use it to heal faster than if you didn't have it to begin with. good luck.

Lady, you are worthy, If you want to date unavailable men on a deep level as a backup, date me. I will make sure you have a roof over your head. You have food to eat. I will make sure you have your own bedroom and your own privacy. Every women needs their own privacy. I am known as Stone of Refuge. Haven for the oppressed. You do not need to throw yourself away to trash. You are better than this. You are a beautiful woman on the inside. You do not need to do your destructive behaviors. You need to go counseling. I mean professional counseling.