Men tend to develop emotionally later than women, it's true. But it's a "Bell curve", not an absolute. Some men are ahead of the curve, some behind. This is why many women tend to prefer older men -- it's easier to get a good matchup on maturity level. All I can say about your relationship is you have a choice: trying to make him grow up is the road to frustration. You either make room and time for him to develop, or you move on.

This is probably due to how he was raised! Maybe he is a momma's boy and was spoiled real bad. Did he go to college? Does he work? If he doesn't do any of them he was probably babied most of his young adult life. Unless he had a tragedy when he was younger...??

I have a 26 year old son and he is mature,but can have this daft childish streak at times:-)

I have seen a lot of evidence that some people never emotionally mature past physical maturity. men and women I have some in my family.

sounds like he's soon to be your ex? Isuppose we all mature at different rates, or its a case of swings and roundabouts? Maybe he is extra mature in some other ways?

I have a brother who will be 38 this week and he has the mentality of a 12 year old as well the responsiblity level of one also. My parents have allowed him to stay a child all his life so far.

The men do mature by 26 are actually 2x26=52 years old!

I have never dated immature men before. Maybe he's got some mental problems. That kind of thing is really unattractive to me and I couldn't stand it...what makes you have a 12 year old boyfriend? Do you ever think of that? That's just as bad...ya know? Men at 26 should have a maturity about them So i've seen what you've said. I wouldn't date him anymore. He can't even hold down a job and why would you want to date a guy who wants to get rich quick and not even work for his money??? Not a good idea

I don't think it is that uncommon..there are scales and bell curves and other statistics that describe where someone is on the scale....But nothing about this has to do with the fact that it is a man. Women are just as likely to be developmentally immature (mentally) as men I think. Most men are quite mature by 26...leading stable lives and having solid future plans, etc.

Ever seen the sitcom "STANDING STILL" it's a Man-Child Syndrome. I do not believe he will be able to change this. Is is responsible in other aspects of the relationship?

Yes... Of course it is. It's usually a mental and/or emotional handicap, and diagnosed much earlier than 26, though. There are those who have had trama in their lives. For example, I had a friend who was in a horrible accident, and when he came out of the coma, he had the mentality of a 9th grader (He was in college.) He did gain back most of his facilties, though. Because of the accident he now has epileptic seizures, but has graduated college, teaches computer programming at the college level. He's married and has a couple of beautiful daughters. His is an isolated case. Some don't come back from events like that. So yes again, it IS possible for a 26yo (or even much older) to have the "mentality" of a 12-15yo. Now, there are also men who may be fully functional in the real world, but at home, may be lacking. Some truely are. They've not developed emotionally and may NEVER do so. This CAN be helped at least SOME by counselling, but someone, especially they, have to recognize the problem. Then there are those who want to remain a kid forever. They are "adult" when they NEED to be, but as with the transvestites dress as the opposite sex in private, they will revert to childhood in private. If THIS is the case, and you don't want to play "Mommy" all the time, then you have to convince him of that, and you MAY NOT BE ABLE to. If not, you have to decide how you want to handle the situation... Basically, live with it the way it is, or move on to find someone who WANTS to be an adult. Since there are so many possibles here, it's difficult to give you advice. Any which way you look at it, ultimately, YOU have to decide what you can and want to deal with and do. Good luck! ;-) I hope you find your happiness.

and the bad thing is, because I am that "needy" I guess I am attracting anything...whatever will take me and comfort me...I must not have high enough standards...I feel like everyone has to fill that void inside and as pathetic as it sounds, I have used men to fill that void, rather than finding my own self-fullfillment through personal things..

absolutely. I'm 41 and act 19 so there you go.

you might consider why it is you seem to be attempting to indict an entire gender...? humans project in order to avoid facing themselves; it may be that what you're seeing in him is something you either don't tolerate in yourself or have yet to learn to accept.... hint: maturity is neither age nor gender specific hint2: you might consider reposting either of these questions... a. "my boyfriend did XYZ, how would you feel?" b. "i have this fixation or confusion with the term 'maturity,' my boyfriend did XYZ, is this mature?" hint3: even if you succeed in getting concurrence that his behavior is immature, you'll now have to let it go completely, don't hold him in contempt, move on, focus on you and have a great life...

(Continued from comment thread and e-mail, started here: http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2569345 ) It’s not quite right to say the personality develops by 5 years… lots of development happens after that. But there’s a certain “tonal quality” that is pretty well defined in those early years. A child who is timid when they’re 5 is likely to be dealing with that all their life, for example – they may become very bold and risk-taking as a teen, but it’s likely to be a compensation strategy: trying to “not be timid”, and overdoing it, etc. The typical structure of identity is that the scary stuff is sort of the core, buried down under other layers. If you think of it like the cutaway view of a baseball or something, that can help – the center is rubber, then there’s a cotton winding around that, then another layer of rubber, then a fabric that cushions the skin, then the skin. Except with personality, each layer tends to be compensating to some degree for the layer beneath it. So if we take the hypothetical example above (we’ll call him Alex, because I like the name! J ), Alex has a domineering mother – everything has to be done her way exactly, and mistakes are punished with harsh disapproval. So Alex is afraid to try anything experimental, he’s anxious to do exactly what mommy wants to gain her love. This pattern allows him to “survive” in the mindset of a 5-year-old, where mommy’s love equals survival. But the timidity that results is a problem: he can’t play sports well, he holds back in class and doesn’t volunteer any answers, the teachers like him because he does what they ask, but the other boys don’t respect him. As a teen this becomes intolerable – he can’t get a girlfriend, the “tougher” boys make fun of him, etc., so he decides “screw this”, and becomes a tough guy himself… he takes boxing lessons, starts provoking arguments with his tormentors, and beats the crap out of one of them in a well-attended schoolyard fistfight. Now he’s respected…. Or at least they stop messing with him. That’s layer #2: “tough guys get respect”. Now he HAS to be tough, that’s how you survive. But the timidity is still there, lurking. He’s still afraid of girls, you can’t get any points by beating up a girl. A few girls are drawn to his “tough guy” persona, but they’re shallow and it’s nothing but childish arguments, no real satisfaction. Nobody can meet the real Alex, because tough-guy is terrified that if he’s open, they’ll see his timid core. Later on in college, a girl he really likes tells him to his face: “Nobody knows you… you hide out behind this tough guy thing, you’re nothing but a big fake!!”. The blow hurts horribly – someone he cares about thinks he’s a phony. He decides that he shouldn’t be so tough all the time, and decides to be “sensitive and intelligent”. He reads poetry, studies philsophy, etc., but doesn’t really get rid of “tough guy”, because let’s face it… that has allowed him to survive. So now we have a timid / tough guy / poet, which actually does start to work with the girls… but he always feels incomplete at some level, like it’s all a big pretense. Because it is. So that’s the basic pattern: each layer “works” by compensating for the problems produced by the previous layer, but each layer in turn brings it’s own new problems to the mix, and in addition… that vague sense of inauthenticity, of pretense… soaks the whole ball, preventing real satisfaction. Many very successful people have built their success on this kind of layered core, they MUST continue to be successful in order to keep the whole thing going, in order to keep proving that they’re not timid, not evil, not angry, not stupid, not… whatever that core is. This is called the “winning formula”… whatever you and I put together to compensate for that inner core of pain, inadequacy, etc. allows us to “win” in life, but it’s never enough. No amount of that kind of success can make up for the fact that, deep down inside, something is wrong with me. So that’s a rather long explanation, sorry – but you asked! Anyway, I think if you understand that, it provides the context for discussions about self-esteem: this is why trying to positive-think your way out of self-esteem issues doesn’t work – it’s just another layer of compensation. The correct approach drills down into the baseball with awareness, until you get down to that bitter core. When you can make peace with that core, something happens… like a transformation that permanently alters the structure. It doesn’t make it go away, it makes it “transparent” – after that, you can stop adding new layers of compensation, and the ball starts to unwind gradually over time.

My husband is 26 and acts very young. He does work, but when he's not at work all he does is play video games. He whines like a child, acts like a child, and expects everyone to do everything for him. He was however, raised by his mother, was an only child, and was pretty much given everything he wanted. Still is. I can't stand it. His best friend, is also 26 and is much more well adjusted. He works, has a marriage, has 2 children and acts like a full grown adult. So i'm not sure how common it is. I just know I'm sick of it! :)

Most 20 something guys act immature for the most part. They'll mature by the time they turn 45.

My uncle is in his 40s and is always joking around and acting like hes a kid always.

heh. well, i'm sure there are plenty of mature 26 year old fish in the sea, but my boyfriend doesn't seem to be one of them either. i think being a spoiled mama's boy might have something to do with it.

I think it's a lot easier in this modern age to stay a child and not grow up. Too many people enabling them, keeping them dependent. And I've also noticed it among pot smokers, that they seem to stay whatever age emotionally when they started. Yeah, they can be grown up in some ways but in so many other ways, they just seem juvenile. Add to that lots of TV watching which sets your brain into beta waves and it's any wonder that most people grow up at all.

Have to ask...what does this say about you? Have you considered finding a new boyfriend? And no, most of us mature before 26...women too...really!

That is so very possible. have you gone out and looked at some of those personals ads out there? Look at the pics and read the profiles.