ANSWERS: 23
  • Alright, for one, I have to ask my parents every time I leave the house. If they're not at home, I have to call and ask. If they don't answer, I have to WAIT for them to do so or call me back. I'm not even supposed to leave messages telling them where I am. I have to speak to them directly or I can't go anywhere. And they dictate how long I can be gone, even if it's just during the day, and often make me come home just to "be at home." even if they aren't there. I don't think it's too extreme to be able to say "hey i'm leaving, I'll be back _____." and have that be okay. I also feel that their punishments are unreasonable. I snuck out and stayed over at a friends house while their parents were out of town ONE time, and i haven't spent the night anywhere since. I mean, I see that as definitely punishable, but it'll be a YEAR this week since that incident and I still haven't been able to spend the night anywhere but home. I don't think that a year is a reasonable time for any punishment outside of the criminal justice system. I'm also not allowed to go anywhere after school until I come home, clean my mom's house and have her check it. Everyday. Even days when I'm supposed to be at my dad's house. And it's always at least 3 hours before she comes home and deems it alright. Sometimes when my room is in complete disaster and I clean it, she comes home and tells me that cleaning MY room doesn't help with the rest of the house and that i have to do that on my own time, even though I am continually grounded when i DON'T clean it. And she has frequently searched my room, basically making it look like a hurricane hit it, and I have to clean it afterwards. I'm a senior in high school, I have 6 classes while the average senior has about 3 here (one of which I have to arrive at 7 AM everyday to attend), I haven't taken the SATs, don't know which college I want to go to, my grades are slipping, I have a boyfriend of 4 1/2 months who I love and don't get to see more than 3 MAYBE 4 times a week and he's going to leave and move to a foreign country in 2 months and destroy me, my best friend of 16 years has gone off to college leaving me with basically just my man... My parents know all this. I don't see how they can think I don't already have enough to deal with. I feel like giving up and just bawling half of my time, and they can't see that I can't handle more rules and then i NEED my weekend and i NEED my free time to do what i want or I'll go crazy. Like...any one of those afforementioned situations feels incredibly harsh, but i have to handle all of them. I'll be 18 in exactly 6 months. They don't let me forget this and somehow use it to get me to do what they want, yet they're actually printing up a list of rules that they're going to try to make me SIGN and agree to. I just don't think that telling me I'm almost an adult to get me to get more "responsible" and making more and more rules for me to follow can go hand in hand. Am I being stupid?
  • Yep, all of that stuff does seem pretty unfair, but I could just be a pissy teenager, too.
  • I'd like to know what you did to anger them in the first place :P. Parents tend to be more over protective with girls then guys, but I do agree it is a degree to the extreme. I dont believe though, this is just my personal belief and I DO sympathize with you but its just my belief, that personal problems should not get in the way of responsibility. Now to argue that they are being insensitive in general is def a good arguement in this case, but I dont think using your personal problems is going to get you much headway.
  • That all seems ridiculous. But maybe I'm just a pissy 21 year old.
  • that's ludicrous and absurd, but maybe I'm just a pissy 12 year old.
  • Yeah that's pretty hard core, just remember that it all comes from a place of love, as corny as that sounds. It would be far easier to just not have rules and have no friction right? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it's very rare that a parent is being strict just to be an a-hole, keep that in mind when you make your case, because you do have one, there's strict and there's downright overbearing, there needs to be a middle ground.
  • It makes me think of that saying about raising children being like holding a wet bar of soap in your hand. Too loose and it slides downward, but too firm and it shoots out of your hand like a bullet. I'm a pissy 43 year old, and I'm basically with you. I realize you have to earn privileges, and you're not perfect. But you seem like you're doing your best, and you've acknowledged your faults. Your parents were right to punish you for sneaking out, but if you had committed a misdemeanor and gone to jail, you'd be out by now. Good grief. It seems to me like your parents are trying to maintain discipline, but they're going overboard. My daughters are a little older than you, but when they were 17 I wouldn't have seen anything wrong with leaving a note saying, "Mom, I'm at... and I'll be back..." As long as they keep their word. Your parents remind me a lot of mine. My father screened even G-rated movies before he'd allow us to watch them, and when I cleaned my room of my own accord, my mother would say, "I'm not impressed. That's what you're supposed to do." Of course, she'd raise unholy hell if I didn't clean it. The effect all this had on me was just to make me get out of the house as fast as I could. That led to some bad choices. I moved in with an abusive alcoholic 10 years older than me, just because I was 18 and I could. It sounds like you can't wait to get out of there either, and I'm afraid you might make some bad choices too just because you want so badly to get out. I hope you don't. Plan things first, suffer as long as you have to, then have a safe, stable place to go when you do leave the nest. You probably wouldn't carry much weight with your parents, if you were to tell them they're going too far. Neither would I, because they'd only say it's none of my business and you're their responsibility. You might try talking to your school guidance counselor. Nobody can really intervene, since your parents aren't outright abusing you, but it would help to talk.
  • no you aren't being stupid.you f'd up when you skipped out when they werent home and blew what trust theyve had in you.parents CAN AND WILL be overprotective.if they have a set of rules for you to sign, make your own set of "requests"(not rules).sit down w/them and try to come to a agreement that benefits both you and your parents. show them how grown up YOU are not by pointing out some of the juvenille things they do.when your mom goes through your room, explain it to her that you would apprieciate her putting things back where they were b/c you spent quite a bit of time cleaning your room so it wont be a "pig stye".i too went through a lot of what you are dealing wth. i rebelled and it came down harder.you must play the "game" by their rules,soon you will find a way to beat them at the game by using the rules in your favor.you sound intellegent enough to pull through this.take the SAT.and when you get a chance take it again to improve your score ,decide what school you want to go to and GO FOR IT. you see that will be your way out...... always remember the words from cheap tricks song." surrender,surrender, but, dont give yourself away"
  • My daughters 15. I always told her that to get respect she had to earn it( me too, she shouldn't respect me just because I'm her mom). She has never lied to me that I know of, keeps her room clean & cleans the rest of the house so she can do what she wants. However, I do have to know where she is at ALL times. I bought her a cell phone so I can call her whenever I want. But if she ever snuck out of the house, she would lose my respect & all her priveledges
  • Some of the things you're dealing with seem unfair, but my parents were really strict, too. I never got to leave a note telling them where I was. I had to aske permission, like you and they told me when to be home, etc. My suggestion is to play by their rules to gain back the trust you lost last year, but also design some ammended rules that you could propose to them -- such as letting you go out with your friends after school as long as you're back home by a certain time, and the house ( and your room) get cleaned -- things like that. If they don't agree, then just try to make the best of it. You only have about 6 more months before you turn 18, so then you can move out on your own -- or you'll be headed off to college and a life of your own. Remember, they do love you and care about you, or they would just let you run wild and do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.
  • Pissy teenager? Well, probably. But for good reason. I don't think it's reasonable to expect more from your children than you're willing to give yourself. Making you ask permission before leaving - well, my parents always did that, but they were also ALWAYS home (both worked from the house) and ALWAYS available to ask immediately. Having to be at home when they're not being at home too? I don't think so. You can't have a higher standard for your children than you have for yourself. I'm sure they have excuses for it, but they're just excuses for the inexcusable. Cleaning your mom's house is NOT your responsibility, it's hers. It's not unreasonable to require help, but to require you to do it for her? No way. Messing things up deliberately (searching your room) and making you clean them? Wow, where does one even begin to explain how inappropriate that is. They're supposed to be good examples, and that is a dreadful example. Now that I'm firmly on your side, I have to moderate a little. I think the drama about your best friend going away and your boyfriend going away is just that. Drama. Friends are important, but you aren't dependent on friends for life, you know. You won't go crazy, you'll just learn to deal with it. You don't NEED your weekend and free time to "do whatever i want" you WANT your free time to be free. You're overreacting. Yes, they're wrong. But just because they're wrong doesn't mean you have to be wrong too. I know, that's easier to say than to do. I got the t-shirt too... and it isn't a fun one to acquire, but you'll be a better person for it. Now if they want you to sign things... negotiate to where it's reasonable, or refuse. Negotiation is mature. You can move out in 6 months if it's not working - having to keep your own place clean will be easier than having to keep your mom's clean. It's a lot more responsibility, and you'd have to get a job to pay bills, but sometimes the best way to grow up is to try it. Just don't do anything stupid, okay? No moving in with a perv just to get out of your parents' house. No knights in shining armor to fix it. (Roommates are okay, and useful to learn to live with, though they can be as bad as parents, or worse!) You learn to live and negotiate with your parents, or you do it yourself. I know this is long - sorry - but like I said, I was there... so yes, I think you're a pissy teenager, but it's also unfair, and there is a balance to be met in dealing with it.
  • No WAY are you being stupid. This is pretty unreasonable. I don't have any advice for you, but I can definitely confirm you are not simply being an angsty teen. At 18, you should be able to decide where you spend the night. You sound like a pretty decent kid. Hang in there. If they're still treating you this way after you turn 18, you can get a job and move out. Because that's ridiculous.
  • your mom should clean her own room and not make u clean the house i mena occasiaonly is ok and im sorry but that is not fair a year JESUS lol i mean maybe u should confront them about this and tell them its really bothering you
  • That's pretty dumb. My parents were OK with me leaving a note saying where I'd be. Pretty much, everyone in the family just leaves a note saying they've gone out and will be back later. If you're desperate to get out on your own, go to a judge and try to get emancipated. You'll need to demonstrate that you can live on your own (source of income, place to stay) and I believe are required to stay in school till you're 18 if you go this route.
  • Girl you have all the right in the world to be mad about that. if ur mom is like that, then she needs to probably let go of her overprotective self, and stop treating you like a baby and a maid
  • It sounds very harsh to me, I would suggest you sign nothign and count the days till you are 18 and then leave.
  • You are 18 and under there roof. It sounds unfair but I feel there may be more too this. You may have done a lot of small things that have caused them to lose trust. The only way to fix this is time. Time is the only way to gain there trust along with good behavior. On the bright side all this will help you in life. My stepmom was a complete bitch and I was like a slave to her but it helped me when I was on my own. Cooking cleaning laundry and most of all discipline. Stick with it your almost there, but don't do anything to rash.
  • The short answer is: Yes, you're being a pissy teenager. When you're a parent yourself, you'll understand their point of view better. And if your grades are slipping, you haven't made any plans for college yet, and you've made some boy the focus of your life to the point that you'll be "destroyed" when he leaves, it sounds to me like they've got every reason to be concerned. The respect and trust you're looking for from your parents is EARNED, not BESTOWED; and it doesn't sound like you're doing very much to earn it. Believe me, I know where you're coming from. I was 17 once, also. But I've also been 37, and father to a child I love more than life itself. What your folks are doing make perfect sense when you start from the perspective that your parents love you and want what's best for you.
  • It seems a little strict. However.... It is thier house and they are charged with the responsibility for you. What you do CAN get them into a lot of trouble. As long as you live with them expect to follow their rules. They may be difficult but I expect they have your interest in mind. Really, this will be behind you and you'll be able to make your own decisions as an adult. You have a very long life ahead of you and I think you'll be able to look back and appreciate what they're trying to do.
  • Hello, im like, i rekon my parents r unfair sometimes but making u clean the house all the time, i think thats stupid, no way would i do that, they need 2 let u have some freedom and same with me i have 2 call my rents wen i am going somehwere and u wat, wen i go 2 a party they hav2 call the parents 2 c if its ok, call the bloody parents! but hopefully wen u turn 18 they will ease off but tho they r tryin2 protect u, but other times the things u hav said, go abit beyond 2 far.
  • There is nothing wrong with you needing to tell your parents you are leaving, and where you are going. In case something happens. Telling you when to get home is a protection thing. If you don't show up, and something happened, they can look for you. Where as if you did not have a set time, they wouldn't know. The grounded for a year thing is way out of line. I would have grounded you for a month. The going through you room thing is an invasion of privacy(unless you gave her a reason to think you may have drugs). Have your dad tell your mom that on his days, you are coming straight to his house from school. Her rules cut into his time with you. Your mom is over the line. You turn 18 in 6 months, start looking to move out. OR see if your dad will let you live with him. Legally, your mom can't stop you because at 13 a child can decide what parent they want to live with.
  • first you need to try to sit down with them, explain your position and try to work out a compromise, if that doesn't work you need to find a sponsor (an adult who will take responsibility for you until you are 18) to stay with and a lawyer to file for emancipation from your parents. or you can tough it out for another 6 months, get a job and never speak to them again.
  • Your parents are acting unreasonably when ur eighteen ur a legal adult so you can do anything you want i would suggest move out no ur being a teenager not a pissy one

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