I have a good friend whose father died an unrepentant Nazi. He feels shame despite a lot of good counselling. What is the kindest way I can tell him I think he needs more untill he CAN let the shame go? He is really hurting here.
by 
originallyjustme
ANSWERS: 2
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Wow! Tough one! You say he has had lots of good counselling; would you say it has helped but just not enough or has it not helped at all? I am assuming that he undertook the counselling willingly. You might just have to be patient and approach the subject indirectly, mentioning every once in a while that the counselling that he had had has helped him get some perspective on why his father was the way he was (assuming that this is the case.) He might never let the 'shame' go, but it isn't his shame - he is not responsible for his father's character, decisions or behaviour. He has probably already heard this from his therapist, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again. Bless you for caring about your friend and I hope that he obtains closure on this issue soon.
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The nicest way to tell a person they need therapy is to tell them "Hey, you really need therapy to work through this thing." Pussy-footing around or trying to "ease" into it can cause more harm than good. Yep people will get upset, angry, deny and other things. Most likely in this case after a lot of therapy the patient has come to see therapy as a no-go situation. This happens often where a patient gets "burnt out" on beating the same subject over and over again with the therapist. There are things which can not be fixed even through life long therapy. This may be one of them.
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