First of all,
"...soon to be ex-wife won't let us see his [their] child if I'm around."
which leaves me to guess that he is not currently with his ex-wife or the child because ex-wife "won't let us see his child," which suggests that he is not with the child regularly.
If this is correct, and he has vacated the residence, only to return periodically to visit or "see" the child, as in a "visitation" set of circumstances BECAUSE he is no longer at the residence...
It is considered "abandonment," therefore, he has already given up his right to remove the child from that residence, although he has equal LEGAL custody of the child. She can not, YET, legally stop him from seeing the child because there is not a court order preventing him from doing so. However, she CAN set her own schedule for the time and place, as well as the frequency of any visitation... that is, ASSUMING that he has already vacated from the residence and has abandoned the family. He can NOT remove the child from the residence for that reason.
The father WOULD BE kiddnapping the child.
However, and this is a very tricky thing to do...
If the child is allowed to visit his father (forget about you for a moment) and the child is with his father at the fathers residence...
The father CAN enroll the child into a school in a different town, which then, the child must remain in that area where the residensce is located and where the child is enrolled in school. However, in order to do this the child must not be currently enrolled in school at another location, or until the school year has ended before he can be enrolled in a new school at a new location. The ex-wife, however, can re-enroll the child back into the original school once the other school-year has ended. If the mother removes the child from the new schools location and returns the child to her home SHE will be charged with kiddnapping.
It is all technical at this point since there are no court orders at this time.
Finally, it is VERY important to understand and to realize the traumatic consequences you might be inflicting upon the child by removing him from his mother under any circumstances. The child did not ask for the divorce and loves each of his parents equally, I'm sure. The emotional harm caused by the SIMPLEST of divorces is difficult enough for children.
I realize how devastating it is for the parent who is suffering with the helpless feelings over the custody of "who is the right parent" for the child. Remember, though, that it is imperative for each parent to consider the child first in ALL decisions that will have a direct effect upon the child and NOT to make their decisions based on what ONLY the parents think or feel with regard to themselves.
An example:
I have been divorced for 15 years. My son is now 17 years old. He still lives with his mother, even though SHE was a spouse beater... Yes... she used to beat on me. I was not physically harmed, although I was emotionally devastated by the abuse. My son loves his mother and that is the way it is! He also loves me, but would rather stay where all of his friends are located. When I divorced my wife I knew that the divorce was going to be devasting enough for my son. Afterall, HE was about to lose a parent!
Therefore, I decided not to fight for custody because that is where my son wanted to live. Not only that, but when I left my 18 acre ranch, my horses, one of my vehicles, ALL of the furniture and a beautiful home to go with all of those things... I did so BECAUSE of my son and not for my ex-wife. By leaving all of those things with my ex-wife it allowed for my son to feel less trauma from the effects of the divorce. He was about to lose me... WHY, then, would I want my son to lose everything else in the home that he was familiar with, as well. Losing me was bad enough for him.
The equity in my home was nearly $50,000. which could have been split between my ex-wife and I. However, if I would have taken my share of the equity of the home my ex-wife would have struggled financially and it would have effected my son. Therefore, because of MY SON and not my ex-wife, I gave her the 18 acre ranch, all of the equity and the best vehicle, too.
Why?
Because I was the one who chose to marry my wife (ex-wife) and to have a child with her. I took responsibility for my own actions and choices regardless of the outcome of the failed marriage. I chose to marry her! The consequences were just as I have described! No one else could possibly take responsibility for the failed marriage regardless of the frequent abuse that I received from her.
What I am saying here is, your boyfriend MUST take responsibility for the failed marriage, as well, and all three of the adults involved need to be careful NOT to involve the child in an adult problem.
The soon-to-be ex-wife should allow the father to see their child regardless if you are with him or not. That has NOTHING to do with the child at all. It is another example of an adult (the ex-wife) failing to take responsibility for her own choice to become married, have a child, and accept the consequences of the failure of a marriage. Instead, she (and the father) (and possibly you, too) are about to inflict consequences where they do not belong. You guessed it... on the child.
Don't do that.
PRINT the meaningful parts of this page and have the ex-wife read what she is doing to her child.
Good Luck!
Oh... and by-the-way... I was financially broke after the divorce and had NOTHING, except my own clothes. I DID recover! I even faithfully paid child support, my sons medical bills and gave him a decent Christmas and birthday each and every year... all of those years... without fail. It wasn't easy, but I did it... because he is my child, too, no matter what.
I am sure your boyfriend loves his son or daughter. What would TRULY be more loving and caring is for the father to start documenting IMMEDIATELY the behavior and actions of the "soon-to-be" for the sake of the child and a possible custody battle in court.
The courts lean in favor of the woman, I assure you. It isn't fair, but that is the nature of our great american court system.
Write down
Time, Date, What was said, What was requested, The ex-wifes response, The childs wishes, What the child said... and more.
Do this now. Don't wait.
One more thing...
TAKE THE CHILD TO CHURCH and document it. If the mother does not take the child to church but the father does, the court will lean heavily toward the father for that reason. It is not a garauntee, though.
Finally... ask yourselves (you and your boyfriend) WHO are you doing this for?
The boyfriend?
Or, the child?
Because once the divorce is final the ex-wife MUST alow for regularly scheduled visitation even though you are with your boyfriend. There will be a court order!
Good Luck... and be loving, thoughtful and gentle for the childs sake ...ALWAYS.
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