Ladies (could be men too) has your anger or hurt acted to shut you down sexually?
I don't mean withholding sex but negatively affected your ability to feel it.
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ANSWERS: 1
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Good question - and a tough one, too. Honestly, I am not sure of the answer. I know that for me sex is a way to make things better. Oddly, I have never really done "make-up" sex - two or three times at most> I do know that after I had an affair - not proud of it - that went badly wrong I started having sex with anything that moved for a while, It was a way, I guess, to vent my anger. It was not physically abusive, but I was not the most considerate lover. That lasted for a month or so and then I sort of shut down sexually for a while until I started dating my gf. Even then, at first, we didn't have sex for the first two months or so. (To this day I remember the first time we had sex. Mr. Macho broke down in tears. I was so lucky that my gf was so understanding. I think most women would have thought, "What a wus" and dropped me like a hot potato. My gf knew some of what had happened to me, but still...) So, weirdly, I guess the answer is both. Sorry if that is not the most useful answer, but it is the truth.
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officegirl Interesting to hear a man's point of view, thank you. I tend to think of anger as increasing a man's sex drive rather than impeding it - like you said to "vent". But I have learned that men are a lot more complex than we used to think. -
dorat Well, you are kind. Not sure how complex I am, but the sex I had after my lover aborted our child was definitely venting. I was angry at that point and very hurt. (Though whether I had any right to be is, at best, an arguable proposition.) It was when I started to be depressed that my sex drive collapsed for a while. I was also drinking heavily - and was arrested for drunk driving at one point. (Happily no one was hurt.) It was a tough time and I have to say that in the early going my gf was really a trooper, because I was extremely wary. She was working at the relationship more than I was to start. It was also a bit, two or three months as I recall, before we had sex for the first time - and after I had my orgasm (and honestly, whether she had one that first time I don't even know, I can't imagine that I was a good lover at that point) it was emotional meltdown. After that, though, things got better. I know, sounds like a bad movie. It was, at the very least, one of the hardest times of my life.
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