I'm a lesbian who does not like penetration. I know many lesbians masturbate with dildos and have sex using a strap on with their partners. I'm just not into that. Is this uncommon for a lesbian?

Let's face it - penetration hurts, especially for the first dozen times. Sex takes a while to get used to, and you may just need practice. However, if you still are uncomfortable with that, explore and find what you like. I've heard of straight women (and men) not liking sex, but still being sexually attracted to their partners (Terri Hatcher being one of them). Best advice, just explore and find out what works for you. Be open to your partners needs, however.

I'm a gay man, but I can tell you there are lots of lesbians who don't care for penetration.

Both gay men and lesbian women have the same most common form of sex- body rubbing.

Heterosexual media focuses on penetration for both gays and lesbians because that's the only form of sex they understand.

No, girl-I'm with you on that one. I'd seal it shut if I could!

I still wonder why so many (mostly straight) people think all lesbians use toys all the time. they think that is the ONLY way we can enjoy sex. well, I've been there, done that...and it's not all that. there are many other ways for us to enjoy sex without "toys."
most lesbians I know DON'T use them!

I have many friends who are just not into penetration and others who prefer it. I, myself, enjoyed myself quite nicely without it, but after having tried it have learned it's something I really enjoy on occasion. It doesn't do a thing for my wife, though. As they say, 90% of good sex happens between your ears. If your head's in it, then the rest falls into place no matter what you may or may not be doing.

There is no right or wrong way to feel about how you enjoy sex. One of us likes it...every time...one of us does not, excepting for once in a while.

As long as what you do is with mutual consent, and brings you both pleasure (and ideally you are both over 18, or young adults) then the sky is the limit!

I'm not much on penetration either. It's not as uncommon as you might think. The tongue works just fine.

Hi again. I just found this website the other day that is just fantastic and very informative on tribadism. i have been actively searching for months and finally found something. Since you dont like penetration maybe you would like that type of sex.
http://www.tribgirls.com

Being straight or a lesbian I think is irrelevant, everyone is different and there isn't a right or wrong way, it is what you enjoy. So no, I wouldn't think it is uncommon .

I consider myself straight . . . and I don't even like penetration that much. I think it is normal to not like penetration, regardless of your sexual orientation. I also think it is normal to like it. It just depends on you.

Just throw the "thing" out and enjoy what you like.

You being a lesbian has nothing to do with liking or disliking penetration.

There are many types of sex, than just penetration. I personally had been seeking for ways to please my lesbian partner whom also did not enjoy penetration, and I discovered this article I think you'd find interesting: http://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/a/sexnointercours.htm

Some quotes from it:
"When most people talk about “sex” they mean intercourse. We’re raised to understand that “real sex” is all about penile-vaginal intercourse. Beyond this the only variation we are supposed to be interested in is finding new sexual positions for intercourse. Sexual behaviors like masturbation (solo or mutual), oral sex , phone sex, massage, writing love letters, etc… are all seen as nice “additions”, but not the main event."

"Having sex through touch can be an unbelievably intimate and powerful experience, as touch can convey so much: our love, our lust, our desire, our interest in knowing more, and experiencing more from our partner."
http://sexuality.about.com/od/spiritualsex/ht/sexualtouch.htm

"We communicate non verbally, and share energy with people around us all the time. When you’re around someone who is angry or anxious, you may pick up on that energy. When someone is gazing into your eyes with a look of desire, you may feel a tingle in your body, the thrill of being lusted after."
http://sexuality.about.com/od/spiritualsex/Spiritual_Sex.htm

"Classically, “dirty talk” is seen as a raunchy element of sex. It’s something you do to get your partner going, or it’s something you do while having sex. We all have an idea of what it is, but most of us are also nervous about doing it, and unsure about how it works, or how to do it well."
http://sexuality.about.com/od/talkingwithpartners/ht/dirtytalk.htm

Those were just a few examples, and you may have to explore the internet for more options, but most importantly you'll need to be able to communicate your needs to your partner and consider the the needs of your partner. If you don't like penetration, your partner may still enjoy it. It is the most common, though not necessarily the most pleasurable. In any case, just have fun and be open to try new things.

Im not really interesting in the whole sex thing.
i think there are more important things at the moment

I've slept with about 20 women and have only come across one (previously straight and married) woman for whom penetration wasn't a priority. She was perturbed my desire to be penetrated primarily because she was paranoid that I might go back to heterosexuality. She saw my desire to be penetrated with a strap-on as an attempt to emulate heterosexual sex (which was not the case at all from my perspective - I simply like the feeling of being penetrated with my partner's hands free).

As for penetration hurting or not feeling good, I agree with one of the previous answers that perhaps there is a physical problem/abnormality/reason for it not feeling great. Alternatively, there could be psychological factors (eg loss of control or feeling of being 'invaded'). But as has also previously been mentioned, penetration is just one of many activities couples can enjoy together.

I don't think this is uncommon. My girlfriend used to hate penetration because it was so painful for her! It took about a year but she has grown to like it. Of course everyone has their own preferences and that's okay too!!

its not uncommon. Im so glad to see someone else notice that a lot of lesbians are hung up on penetration and never consider other ways to have sex. I remember being very disappointed when afew years ago, picked up lesbian sex books and they were all the same.most of them with reference to penetration. Why noone ever talks about clitoral sex, aside from oral, ill never know.
so dont feel bad, do what you like and what makes you feel comfortable. dont follow crowds.

Yeah, it really is uncommon.
Whether straight or lesbian, many women find penetration to be quite enjoyable...although there are those who just simply don't.
There's nothing wrong with that...it just makes you...you!

I'm not sure how uncommon it is, but I would think that this is a good thing because now you can just play the "male" role!!! DO THE PENETRATING!!!!

I did read about one lesbian who says she never uses any dildos or strap ons when ever having sex so its not uncommon

Penetration is not a sexual preference it is a sexual behavior.

I don't know any statistics for how common it is, but I do know you're not alone. And it's not just lesbians: there are people from all walks of life who don't like penetration. Probably a higher degree of lesbians, though. Of course in no case is it the majority, but who cares? There's nothing wrong with you, no matter how many others like you there are (or aren't).

No, it is quite usual. Most lesbians feel this way.
In general they are used to have a man only for giving oral sex to them.
But anyway there are quite a few women who really dislike getting penetrated.
Sex-life is reduced on receiving oral service.

Finger, lips and tongue for you. Theyll work wonders.

The two lesbians I've been with, neither one liked penetrative sex.

I think it's fairly common not to.

im wit you

All lesbians I met had severe reservation to penetration. I think this is almost typical.
But most of them were keen on any kind of oral service.
If there is a penetration they mostly like it only by a tongue and many of them liked to have anal serevice by the tongue as well.
I just think for my part they want to have anything under their control and so they accept a penetration mostly only by a tongue.