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by Jesika Sanders on September 12th, 2005

Jesika Sanders

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Why would a guy rather remain promiscuous than be with his "dream girl"?

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Answers. 23 helpful answers below.

  • by scymitar72 on September 14th, 2005

    scymitar72

    The continuing debate over male promiscuity offers two possible causes. Is a man simply 'hardwired' to want as many different partners as possible or is it a result of sexual role playing produced by a male dominated society (come on folks, women finally got the right to vote in 1920, we've come a long way, baby?)?

    Another issue clouding the debate is concern over the implications of supporting either side. For example, by supporting the idea that men are hardwired to want variety, does that mean it's OK for men to say "I can't help it, I'm a man". What message does that send? And what message is sent by supporting the idea that men are playing the sexual role produced by a male dominated society?

    If there's one thing almost everyone agrees on, it is that genes do not decide what people ultimately do. There is no skirting responsibility for our behavior. That's what makes us, as a species, so special; our ability to rise above instinct, to reason.

    Here's a link to a really good article about this very debate.

    http://www.cartercenter.org/healthprograms/1594_adoc6.htm

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  • by M Moon on September 15th, 2005

    M Moon

    It is too easy to accept social cliches, and consequently further possible misunderstandings between men and women, when trying to understand "the differences."

    There is a plethora of scientific evidence about why men are promiscuous. One of many books written by scientist, Richard Dawkins, addresses this issue. In his 1990 book, "THE SELFISH GENE," Dawkins states that in genetic terms the instinct to procreate is not a singular event, but that procreation is promoted by an individual's whole gene pool to replicate: it is the reason we (ahem) need to get it on. This drive is an unconscious, instinctive primal urge to multiply. Men may not know why they want to bed every woman, but Dawkins explains this instinct clearly.

    Simply, he states that the time investment a man makes to procreate and further the engenderment of his gene pool -- and his individual replication -- is the time it takes to deposit his seed. His best investment, in genetic terms, is to deposit as many of his seeds in as many places that he can. Therefore, from this point of view, it is not variety that matters but quantity.

    On the other hand, he demonstrates how women literally have to invest a tremendous amount of time during gestation, birth and nurture of her young so that she may replicate her own genes. Further, that during her occupied time, these nuture activities take her out of reproduction availability: a scientific demonstration of why women are unconsciously "so choosy."

    There is no morality in this procreative procedure, it is Nature working at it's indifferent best to further its own. This reality does not sit well with many in that it doesn't include conscious decision, even if "desire" is instinctive.

    While we, ourselves, examine many of Nature's workings with our own indifference, we have a brain which uses logic and reason to determine our individual motives and actions. Another "instinct" is conscious behavior. Consequently, our obligation to our own morality does not reside by copious facts uncovered by our insatiable quest for understanding the experience of being human. Regardless of any fact, conscious decision making resides within. Further, how we create and act upon our developing individual ethics, values, and morality always include personal choice. Personal responsibility starts "at home."

    Personally, I believe that it is a homage to combine science with morality. Our legacy can include encouraging the coexistence of differences, while seeking to understand and have empathy toward them. Daniel C. Dennett, in his book "Consciousness Explained", insists "... when we finally understand consciousness -- when there is no more mystery -- our view of consciousness will be different, but there will still be more room than ever for awe."

    NOTE: For those of you who write that, "Yeah (or No) BUT ... it's a CHOICE," reread paragraph six!!!

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  • by Ben Carnahan on September 27th, 2005

    Ben Carnahan

    Personally, I don't think any guy would rather be promiscuous than be with his dream girl. If he still wants to be promiscuous, he obviously isn't with his dream girl. He's just with someone to keep the bed warm until he finds a better one.

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  • by Not Jeff Martinez on September 14th, 2005

    Not Jeff Martinez

    I believe men have an inherhent desire to mate with multiple women as opposed to a female need to nest and raise her young. I think most women would say that they prefer to be with their true love forever, and I think guys heaven would be a different girl every night. Just sort of a fundamental difference between us. Another thing to note is just because a guy wants to mate with other girls doesn't mean he doesn't love the one. There's a difference between loving someone and wanting to mate with them. I'm only talking about natural urges here, our societal and cultural rules tell us that this behaviour is unacceptable, and we are certainly capable of practicing restraint.

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  • by BluePen on September 14th, 2005

    BluePen

    According to a documentary that I watched a few years back about the different sexes, the typical mans dream is actually to be on an island with hundreds of different women that all want him, so he can just have sexual relationships with all of them with no real commitment whatsoever.

    Basically, I'm saying that it's possible that a guy's "dream girl" is either one that lets him be promiscuous or doesn't really exist.

    Face it, most guys are pigs. :-) (According to most women)

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  • by kristy craig on October 12th, 2005

    kristy craig

    Personally, I think it is more an issue of him having low self-esteem. It isn't that he doesn't love his wife or girlfriend, it's just that he needs to know that he is desireable and the more women he can win over, the bigger the stroke to his self esteem. By the way, I don't think it is men only who do this as there are a lot of women who choose to be promiscuous over being with "Mr. Right".

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  • by webgrunt on October 11th, 2005

    webgrunt

    The direct answer to your question would be "It depends on the guy," but that doesn't really help so I'll give you possibilities.

    I can think of a lot of possible reasons right off the bat, here are just a few:

    1. Maybe he said she's his dream girl but he was lying.

    2. Maybe she was his dream girl until she became his, then with no challenge he lost interest. In other words, a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

    3. Maybe he's afraid he'll lose his masculinity if he remains faithful to one women (some men actually refer to monogamy as being 'whipped', if he is immature enough he might feel this way.)

    4. He could be a sex addict. For sex-addicted people, having sexual encounters with many people can be as hard to quit as quitting alcohol is for alcoholics.

    5. He could be afraid of getting close to someone, a lot of people who are afraid of intimacy or vulnerability use promiscuity as a substitute for real emotional closeness.

    6. Did the guy in question actually state that she's his "dream girl," or did someone else decide this? If it's the latter, then maybe someone has made an error in determining just who is the right girl for this guy.

    Well, those are the best ones I can come up with without really knowing anything about the guy. Hope you find this response helpful.

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  • by lb5453 on July 3rd, 2010

    lb5453

    Most likely this man has a narcissistic personality disorder. He feels entitled to
    receive "special treatment" from women, has fantasies of grandiosity and lacks empathy for his wifes/girlfriend's feelings. He needs constant and unending admiration. One way to satisfy this need is to have an endless stream of willing
    females available for sex.

    Some of the characteristics of this disorder include;

    Believing that he is better than others, displaying an arrogant attitude
    Fantasizing about Power, success and brilliance
    Lack of compassion for others especially women he is involved with
    Expecting constant praise and admiration
    Believing that he is special and deserves "special" treatment
    Failure to recognize feelings -especially distress-caused by his callous behavior
    Expecting others to go along with his plans- even those that are not verbally
    communicated
    Taking advantage of others with little remorse
    Displaying comtempt and disdain for those who are deemed lesser
    Being jealous of others and believing they are jealous of him
    Appearing tough minded to cover fragile ego
    Having trouble maintaining intimate relationships

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  • by Jackman67 on January 31st, 2010

    Jackman67

    I am a man in a 10 year relationship; We are soul mates. However, We stopped having sex after a couple of years. For me, once I learned so many intimate things about my partner, I stopped having animal lust in the bedroom. For her...the same. When a man knows a woman so well...it kills the intrigue and mystery. I have had some infidelities over the last 4 years. The encounters are always one time hook-ups...no repeats. Taking care of myself just does not cut it sometimes (just being honest here). I do find that when I am falling in love with my partner all over again (which seems to happen for me and my partner every few months) that my sexual desire goes away completely and I am so fruitful in every aspect of my life. Those times are the best and I have never had that before in my life (I am 43). Those times and the feelings I have for her make me stay. As I grow older, I am learning that my sexual desire is tied to me worrying about losing my sex appeal, generally speaking. I keep expecting that realization to make me stop seeking sex completely at some point soon. Honestly, I welcome that day...because sex is over rated the older you get, IMO. I'm sure that self esteem is tied in to this as some comments suggest. A healthy relationship is like a religion...it takes discipline and commitment; That aspect is not sexy. The rewards it yields, however, are better than any sexual experience I've ever had in my life. Yeah...I should stop doing that and focus that energy on my life and what's really important. It is not easy.

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  • by thefunkyone on September 28th, 2006

    thefunkyone

    selfish bastard. temporary things are useless
    if life is all about fun for you, what are you going to do when you're so old your balls hang to the ground

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  • by GPembo on March 22nd, 2006

    GPembo

    The age of a person either a man or woman, does not reflect the emotional standing of themself, it might be a nice thought to believe so, as life has present challeges I have found that there in an irrevocable link between matters of wellbeing my confidence and self esteem.
    To bring this to a point as a man I know that to make love is an "emotional need" and this has been confirmed my many a person that I've had this conversation with who have learnt to create sucess within there life.
    It comes down to a choice of to learn of what we expect from ourself, a health need or the distraction.
    Your call, take care.

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  • by Anonymous on November 12th, 2005

    Anonymous

    Because a man's purpose in life is to mate and sread his "superior" genes to his offspring. Mating with as many females as possible ensures that his DNA will be everywhere, thus insuring future generations.

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  • by Link_305 on October 31st, 2005

    Link_305

    Some men feel they rather remain promiscuous than be with his "dream girl," because there afraid that this girl would reject him. The poor guy being rejected would have his heart shattered into little pieces(Its happen to me trust me). Some men are just afraid of feeling this great pain and just stay with a other girl. But every day this guy eventhough he has his girlfriend, but he does'nt feel anything for this girl hes dating. He'll have this girl in his heart deep, deep, in his heart.

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  • by Rasdebol on October 25th, 2005

    Rasdebol

    The "urge" is an unconcious and natural feeling. Any actions taken as a result are not.....

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  • by Rasdebol on October 25th, 2005

    Rasdebol

    I disagree, a man could find that one fantastic woman, his "dream girl" but still have sexual desires for others.... In spite of all the romantic images we are bombarded with throughout our lives about "True Love" and finding that "One & Only" person to live happily ever after with, sexual passion for others could still exist in spite of love or a happy marriage.
    While we may be very much be in love with a person do we cease to notice those attractive people we meet? Do we cease to feel a sexual urge? Can any long term relationship maintain that ultra excitement of the first time with a new sexual partner? Of course, what you do or do not do about these feelings is another matter entirely.....

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  • by spytfyre on September 17th, 2005

    spytfyre

    I believe the answer to this question may irritate a few men out there, but forgive me. Simply put, it's a lack of commitment. Most men would rather fantasize about their dream girl than find out she's actually a nightmare.

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  • by suzycue on July 10th, 2008

    suzycue

    Because he wants his cake, and to eat it too.

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  • by trailslayer on July 18th, 2010

    trailslayer

    There are many "dream girls" out there. Why limit yourself to only one of them?

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  • by Libertarian_Fella on January 31st, 2010

    Libertarian_Fella

    Because she ISN'T his dream girl.

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  • by Flipper on December 14th, 2011

    Flipper

    He and his dream girl, as well as he and her dream guy can be together and still be promiscuous by becoming swingers.

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  • by M Moon on March 23rd, 2006

    M Moon

    Let me be very clear: it is a responsibility of each of us to make CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about how we behave! In this very real world , in each and every moment, it is important, and true, that each of our actions consciously come from thinking through our behaviors and DECIDING how to proceed. All behaviors have consequences: good decisions make for and support good behavior and good outcomes; bad decisions create and support bad behavior and bad outcomes.

    When science researches and sometimes proves something about human behavior, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT ANYONE IS "OFF THE HOOK" FROM PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!

    It doesn't mean that we have to like it or even "approve" of [scientific] findings, just because they may seem "foreign," or "unknown," or "different" from what we may currently believe. BECAUSE we have conscious minds we can investigate the why and how we behavior or misbehave. This can and should lead us to better decisions about our individual responsibilities to ourselves and society.

    What it does mean is that input and education is resourcefull. These resources add to our potential for being BETTER INDIVIDUALS AND BETTER PEOPLE. Our mutual never-ending growth of understanding ourselves, our relationships and our surroundings can only be a good thing!

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  • by Hawks76 on September 28th, 2006

    Hawks76

    From experiences and observations.
    I think there’s a saying on the lines of 'for every gorgeous woman you want to sleep with, there’s a man bored of sleeping with her'
    Men seem to get bored quicker. Whether she is the most attractive woman in the world, and the greatest person you've ever met, he will still get bored. 'If you have steak everyday, sometimes you may desire a burger for variation' Variation is the spice of life, so it’s natural.

    Also, although both sexes desire in the amount of sex they have in a relationship may decline. The mans desire for sex remains high. He just wants it with someone else.

    Love and sex are very different things for the male of the species.

    A man would rather be with his perfect woman, but also be allowed to have meaningless sex with others. But as society dictates this behaviour is wrong. Men should have the mental strength to rise above this.

    Also, relationships are fun and exciting first, but can quickly sink into routine, nagging, controlling, a full diary of visiting her friends and family, endless responsibility, a decline in fun and an increase in feeling trapped.

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  • by guyguy on July 10th, 2008

    guyguy

    The reason men remain “promiscuous” is that we do not get the emotional security that we thought we had. For example, I ended up in bed with a wonderful woman. Two days later, we went on a date. Then, she was neutral. I was eager to get into her world, but she was elsewhere. So, I went elsewhere after the date was over. I was looking for security. I thought we had it while we made love when we met, but it dissolved. Therefore, the emotional security died as well. Now, I seek it from another.

    In short, men want passionate immediates, and women want secure long-terms. Men are not promiscuous; we express ourselves through our bodies. We must figure out ways to bridge the differences so all emotional needs are met.

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