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by damien on June 11th, 2007

damien

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Does anyone know any good jokes that are'nt completely idiotic?

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Answers. 19 helpful answers below.

  • by Sphynx_Lady on October 17th, 2011

    Sphynx_Lady

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

    The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

    The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

    The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

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  • by bostjan64 on October 17th, 2011

    bostjan64

    Why did the cow go to the coffee shop in the afternoon?

    She had to pick up "de-calf".

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  • by aiar on October 17th, 2011

    aiar

    An elderly couple sitting in bed
    Wife: Darling, if I die will you marry again?
    Hubby: Naa, too much trouble!
    Wife: You mean I'm too much trouble?
    Hubby: Not at all, but the trouble the changes would bring,
    your photos, your clothes etc.
    Wife: Would you still live in this house?
    Hubby: The area is nice and I like it.
    Wife: Would you sleep in our bed?
    Hubby: Where else can we sleep, ofcourse!
    Wife: Would she get my car?
    Hubby: Well, it is still pretty new!
    Wife: Will you be playing golf with her, and would you
    give her my clubs?
    Hubby: Naa, your clubs are for lefties!
    Wife: GULP?!?!

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  • by I'm Just Along For The Ride on October 17th, 2011

    I'm Just Along For The Ride

    Little Johnny was sitting next to Father Flanigan and noticed his Roman Collar(turned backwards)

    He asked him..."why is your collar backwards?"

    Fr. Flanigan answered, "I'm a father."

    Little Johnny replied.."My dad is a father but he doesn't wear his collar backwards."

    Fr. Flanigan replied, "I'm a father of a very large family."

    Little Johnny replied.."I am one of 9 brothers and sisters and my dad still doesn't wear his collar on backwards."

    Fr. Flanigan replied, "I'm a father of hundreds and hundreds."

    Little Johnny thought for a moment and said.."maybe you ought to wear your collar on frontwards and your pants on backwards."

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  • by lyonese01 on October 17th, 2011

    lyonese01

    Yea a dirty joke , Joke the coalman .

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  • by Popoff on July 4th, 2011

    Popoff

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.

    *****************************************

    Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

    A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


    ********************************************

    Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?


    http://www.humorlaugh.com/jokes

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  • by PrivateGomerSpooner on August 22nd, 2010

    PrivateGomerSpooner

    A father shows up at his son's dorm at college and knocks on the door. A guy opens the door and the father asks him, does Steve Smith live here? Yes he does, just leave him there and we'll carry him to his bed.

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  • by Glenn on January 26th, 2012

    Glenn

    Yes. He who goes to school on Saturday is in a class by himself.

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  • by ChangeYourNameToSomethingAppropriate on August 22nd, 2010

    ChangeYourNameToSomethingAppropriate

    What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
    A police horse

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  • by Jax is missing AB on June 11th, 2007

    Jax is missing AB

    Q) What's the worst part about roller blading?

    A) Telling your parents that your gay.

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  • by PillowPants on June 11th, 2007

    PillowPants

    I know a nice clean one that I think is funny....
    Why don't cannibals eat clowns??


    Because they taste funny

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  • by Shelby on June 11th, 2007

    Shelby

    No, but I know some really stupid ones!

    Q. What did the scarf say to the hat?
    A. You go on ahead, and I'll go around!

    You know you laughed.

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  • by Mark Hardy on July 17th, 2008

    Mark Hardy

    EVIL LAWYER

    A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to
    give back to the community in some way?"

    The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did our research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no."

    "--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in
    indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

    On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "--so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

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  • by ummm... on November 10th, 2007

    ummm...

    A blonde was going door to door looking for odd jobs.The first house she stopped at was rather fancy.the guy opened the door and said, "hello,what can i do for you?"
    she replied: "i'm looking for odd jobs to earn money, have any?
    he thought for a second, then said:"yeah, i will give you $75.00 to paint my porch,front and back."

    20 minutes later she rang the door bell again and said finished!
    The man replied,"already?did you do the back to?"
    "Of course i got the back of your car! and by the way, thats a ferrari, not a porsche."

    hehe

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  • by Old School on June 11th, 2007

    Old School

    A doctor and his wife were having a marital spat one morning. In the heat of the moment, the angry doctor blurted out "Yeah, well your lousy in bed, too!". He then stormed out the door and went to work.

    A few hours later, his anger subsided and he felt like he should patch things up. He called his wife and asked what she was doing. "I'm still in bed", she replied.

    "It's almost noon. What are you still doing in bed?", he asked.

    She replied, "Getting a second opinion."
    .
    .
    .
    Hell hath no fury.....;-D.....

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  • by Little_Piggy on June 11th, 2007

    Little_Piggy

    Q) Why did the Turkey cross the road?

    A) To prove he wasnt chicken.

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  • by pam i am on June 11th, 2007

    pam i am

    Speaking of chickens crossing...

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide:)

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  • by pam i am on June 11th, 2007

    pam i am

    Why does the pillsbury doughboy wear an apron?

    To cover his doughnuts :o

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  • by azlotto on August 22nd, 2010

    azlotto

    What's red and green and goes really fast?

    A frog in a blender.

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