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by Anonymous on September 20th, 2009

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My partner and me got together when my son was 6 months now 7 years how do i tell him his dad ia really his step dad i dont want to hurt him is he too young his dad didnt want to know

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Answers. 4 helpful answers below.

  • by Factotum on September 20th, 2009

    Factotum

    Unless someone else is feeling the need to tell him I don't know that I'd say anything at seven. He needs his dad and there's nothing to be gained by downgrading his authority.
    .
    Obviously you may need to tell him someday but this guy is the kid's real dad. He's just not the sire.
    .
    The younger a kid finds out there is a missing parent out there somewhere, the sooner he can start romanticizing that person. After all, the phantom dad wouldn't be so cruel as to make him clean his room, etc.

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  • by daveyboy7 on September 20th, 2009

    daveyboy7

    hi thats a hard one
    white lies dont hurt
    legally you dont have to tell him, morally i'd wait untill he has finished school
    are you sure its in hes best intrest to tell him?
    i wouldent bother he has a dad who loves him
    that is what all children need
    spiritly speaking all kids are a gift from god

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  • by Sir Ichabod Crane on September 20th, 2009

    Sir Ichabod Crane

    If the actual father doesnt care about the child why worry about telling him now?
    At 7 yrs of age,you telling him that would hurt him no matter how well you think you've put it.
    He will not understand.
    He will NOT look at the step-father the same way,EVER.
    He will wonder why mommy LIED to him about his father.
    He will wonder why his real father didnt want him.
    I could go on,hopefully you get the picture.

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  • by Cyanotic Wasp on September 20th, 2009

    Cyanotic Wasp

    My answer would depend in large part on the relationship you have with your partner AND whether or not he has legally adopted your son.

    I understand that your partner and you have been together for at least 6-1/2 years, and since he joined you after your son was born, he seems to be there for the long haul. But that's the first thing that would influence my answer: do you expect him to STAY for the rest of the trip?

    Second, if he hasn't legally adopted your son, then he hasn't really made a commitment to be a Dad forever; he's just filling the role for now. I would assume he's doing okay, or you would have thrown him out, but that's the second part of what would influence my answer.

    If you expect your partner to be with you "for good", and if he has adopted your son, then you can (and should) tell your son that his "biological" father left YOU (not your son) before he was born, and your partner came to join your family after he was born and WANTED to be his Dad.

    However you explain the relationship with your partner, I think it is important to tell your son (at whatever level he can understand) that the man who fills the role of "Dad" for him now is there only because he WANTS to be -- and he should confirm that himself. I would not lie to your son or shield him from the truth; the sooner he finds out, the better he can deal with it. Just try not to tell him at a level beyond his understanding.

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