Have you tried reverse psychology. For example if you want him to pick up his toys you could say. "I am going to see if I can pick up these toys before the timer goes off. I know you wouldn't enjoy that so why don't you sit down and wait for me. Then we can play a game. Make sure you pick things up really slow so he thinks you won't beat the timer.

I am not a parent, but you could avoid 'no' by asking questions that cannot be answered by 'Yes' or 'No.'

We make two choices and both have the same out come. For example if it is bath time you ask "would you like to choose your PJs before you get in the bath?" or "would you like to get straight in the bath? They are the one making the decisions but you get what you want.

Tell him/her, "if you say no to me in defiance one more time, I am going to (fill in the blank with whatever punishment works for him/her). The most important thing is to absolutely follow through. Do exactly what you say you are going to do. The NO's will stop soon enough.

Oh, yeah. The "No" phase. (I'll bet that she laughs sometimes when she says this to you.) Three things to keep in mind: First, that she's discovered that she can use language to affect the world, and the people around her. This is a wonderful thing with an obnoxious manifestation -- just remember that when she laughs, she's laughing in the same sense that you laugh when you figure out a puzzle. Second, remember to keep a frown on your face and a smile inside your head while you're looking at your little girl discovering a little piece about how the world works, and driving you up the wall a bit with it. (It'll be good practice for when she's a teenager -- it's never too early to start preparing.) Finally, third, when she says, "No." (And I promise you -- the following worked with my niece, with regard to interrupting other people when they're talking.) Ask her, "Why not?" At which point she'll say something like, "Don't want to," or "I don't like that." I said, "Well, there's a difference between what you want to do, and what I know you need to do. And, when you can explain to me that you understand both sides and then can explain why you picked the side you did, I'll be happy to listen." That kept her thinking for almost an entire 6 hour period. Unfortunately, she took the lesson to heart and is now quite good at articulating her arguments in favor of her position on an issue. And she's headed off to college soon. And I'm afraid that it'll turn out I've created another lawyer.

He/she sounds perfectly NORMAL! Be thankful for THAT! It might help you to stay focused and grateful he/she can even TALK !

try to give them choices. I have one that allways is contrary, the others never were but one contrary one who always is saying no and is never happy with my decisions. Depends on what it's about I guess but giving choices helps. Dont tell him or her what to wear for example but get two or three options asking do you want this, this or this. Well just a suggestion.

Theyi go through normal stages. But could be he's vocabulary is limited where he does not know the right word to respond. I would double up on reading him stories and showing pictures of what you read. It opens up more words for them to understand.

i agree about taking control but you should not use a childs fear to do so. Take away their toys or use time outs. I had that problem a couple months ao with my 4 yr old son, and after a couple days of no tv and no toys he quit telling me no. all he could do is read and spend time with me and his dad. You just have to find what is going to work for you.