ANSWERS: 3
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Hahahaha, dude! That's incredible! I'm suprised it's still running. You should ask if they have any DOS based games. Talk in a choppy accent and ask for DOS programs. When they say windows, say you couldn't afford windows 3.1!
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Tell him you have a Atari 64 which has 64 gigs of ram and 4 gig hardrive and you need help installing wireless modem!
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Tell him you were looking for a laptop not an antique.
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