ANSWERS: 11
  • My dad never once in 40 yrs called me on my birthday.When i was young 3 or 4.I remember he would call and say he was on his way for are b-day party and we would sit in the front yard for hours waiting for him.He never showed up once in the first 5 yrs.Then my mom told him not to bother.Anyone who reads this and this has happened to them.They might play it off,that it doesn't bother them anymore.It's a scar that will never go away.To bad there's not a NO MORALS PRISON we could send all the dead beat dad's there.
  • Sadly, there is little you can do to force his hand in the situation. I'd suggest starting out with a mature and non-accusational conversation with the father. Explain to him the same way you explained it to us. Tell him you are willing to work with him to make it easier for him to be a bigger part of his child's life. If that doesn't work then I would just suggest that you not make a big deal out of it in front of your child. There is no need to remind them what a dead beat dad they have- it only makes them more aware of it and uncomfortable. You might have to go the extra mile now and again to make sure that you lavish twice the love on your child, but it's definitely possible. Incorporate other members of your family... particularly one that your son could possibly relate to as a father-figure at least. My mom raised me without my father around. When I was 6 she remarried and I had a cool stepfather who never tried to "be my dad" but was always there for me. There were a few awkward situations, but I never felt unloved.
  • My dad split when I was young. My mom says it was around the time that my sister was born. She says it was because my dad didn't want daughters. He was happy with me and that was enough. Guess if that was all he wanted, he should have kept to himself or practiced safe sex. I have a sister and that is fine with me. I hated my dad for the longest time. He never called, wrote or anything. He is right now trying to reach out to me through weak attempts. My life may have been better had he been a man and stuck around, or it could have been worse. I don't know. There is no way to 'deal' with a parent that won't spend time with a child. Some people are meant to be parents and some are not. It is just not good enough to have a loser hang around for a few minutes for the sake of the child. It is better to have no contact whatsoever. With that said, talk with the dad and tell him to get his act together. Though do not argue or fight in front of the child. This will only bring about anger. The anger which leads to hate can be destructive in a child. That can lead to poor health and other problems. In as easy a way as you can, tell your son that sometimes people act differently for reasons that we don't quite know. Do not paint the dad as a bad guy. This matters not to children and we all know this behavior is only to placate the parents sense of having been wronged. All you can do is to talk with the dad and ask him seriously if he wishes to be in your child's life or if he wants his son to grow up knowing that his dad was not man enough to stand to his responsibilities in a grown up manner. That is just my thought on it. Wish you and your son much luck.
  • G'day littl foggy, Thank you for your question, You can remind him how important it is for his son to spend time with him. Other than that, you need to tell your son how special he is to you just as you were special for your mother. You may also want to find a man such as a brother, uncle or close friend to do things with your son and to act as a role model. Hopefully, you will find a good man to fill that role in your sons life. Regards
  • I'd tell him to hit the road and not to come back unless it was 100%. I said the same thing to my ex husband and he left. Jacob was far better off that way IMO. He's never cried for the sperm donor a day in his life and I think that it was the best thing I did for him. I wouldn't let anyone half ass it when it came to my child.
  • He comes to see your kid faithfully, once every fortnight even though he doesn't have any example in his own life of how a 'good father' behaves. Given that so many men from 'good' backgrounds are less responsible than your man, he is definitely not a hopeless case. On the first day of every month give him a list of important dates - birthday, school trips, school plays, club events. That way he has the information in front of him (its too late to get mad if he can't just remember it on his own!). Make sure its written down or in an email so he can't just forget. Then he will know how to make his son feel special by pretending he remembered and by asking how things went. Also somewhere in that list will be the events that used to make him feel really lonely, and maybe he'll decide to do a bit more for his kid at some of those times, as he knows what it feels like. In hope!
  • Alot of men (including myself) are just terrible remembering things like birthdays, what he needs to do is have a diary of these things so he doesnt forget. Im curious though, you say he sees your son every other week for 1 night how did that arangement start? was that a court or something that arangeed that every other week structure? Does he take his son reliably every other week? Have you perhaps asked him if he would like to take him perhaps once a week? maybe he could take him overnight every second saturday over night and then on the second week take him out on a sunday or something? Dont give up on him but dont run after him either, allow the contact to continue and eventually your son will make his own choices and choose to either keep seeing him or not see him. Im prowd of you for not being one of those hell mothers that uses your child against there father (my ex partner does that to me) just keep being the good person and parent that you are and it will fall into place :)
  • By all means go to www.godtube.com and see a video there called "Dad I am watching you." It will really make you stop and feel what the kid is saying to the dad. Then send the video to every dad you know. It is very cool.
  • Tell him to stop being a dead beat father. Being a new father I can say that I couldn't imagine not caring enough about my child to celebrate her B-Day
  • Everything depends on how you handle this. If you are upset, your child will be too. If you are calm and say "I'm sorry your dad is like this, but he is. It's one of the reasons we're divorced" he will take HIS cue about how to react from you. Honey, the bad stuff that happens to us can be the best teacher of how to live in the world or it can be a grudge you carry forever.
  • Everything depends on how you handle this. If you are upset, your child will be too. If you are calm and say "I'm sorry your dad is like this, but he is. It's one of the reasons we're divorced" he will take HIS cue about how to react from you. Honey, the bad stuff that happens to us can be the best teacher of how to live in the world or it can be a grudge you carry forever.

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